Happy Fun Times Meisters
by Admiral Muffin
Summary: The humorous misadventures of Saji Crossroad and friends. Watch as he lives a peaceful life with his girlfriend while trying to survive from the advances of his sister, Louise's mom, memes, lolicons, bishoujo games and the Gundam fandom itself.
1. Prologue

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM

_This is my first time doing a parody story; I just hope it comes out right. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy the story. Thanks. _

**PROLOGUE**

**LOCKON'S BAR**

**9: 45 P.M. **

"Those bastards…" A very drunk Shinn Asuka said as he slams his fist on the bar. "How could they kill my precious little sister? Those Athhas, I hope they burn in hell. This is their entire fault why Mayu died. Oh Mayu…big brother misses you so much." He sobbed.

"Uh…that's a bummer. I'd feel sorry for you but you always whine about your dead sister every time you come here." Lockon, who's standing behind the bar, said.

"I need a refill." He sniffed and offers his empty glass.

"Okay." He said and grabs his glass. "I'm just wondering why you only mourn about your sister when your whole family died." He refills the glass with beer and gives it to Shinn.

"Oh yeah…parents…uh…yeah feel sorry…or something." He mumbled and drinks his beer.

Saji Crossroad comes in from the back of the store. "I'm done taking out the trash, boss." He said.

"Cool." Lockon replied with a thumbs-up. "You can leave early so you can spend more time with your girlfriend."

"I was wondering why you're letting Shinn drink? Isn't he underage?" Saji asked.

"Shut up!" Shinn yelled at him as he stands up. "That's none of your business, cabana boy!"

"Cabana boy?"

"I'll destroy you and ORB!" He yelled.

"ORB?"

"I'll tie you up in a nuke and drop it on that stinking country while that Cagalli girl is busy man-humping Athrun and his little brother who stole the spotlight from me in Destiny."

"Aren't you trying to avenge your family?" Lockon asked.

"Of course I'm trying to avenge Mayu." He said. "That's why I'm still holding her pink cell phone."

"And your parents too, right?"

"Yeah…uh…those guys too…they died like…really horrible." He said. "Kira didn't know how to aim and he like bombed them to hell."

"It was obviously the druggie right? I mean they showed it in the first episode and the reason you didn't know so you'll have some intense moments with the Freedom's pilot." Saji said.

"The point is Kira killed my sister…"

"And your parents." Lockon added.

"Yeah…uh…and those guys, the Atthas are idiots and I want peace by destroying a lot of stuff and ORB along with you!" He said while pointing to Saji.

"Okay boss, I'm outta here." Saji said and he leaves.

"Maybe I'll have Luna dress up like Mayu tonight; didn't they have the same seiyu?" Shinn said as he sits back again.

"Please don't share that info to me." Lockon said.

* * *

**BUS STATION**

**10:12 P.M. **

Saji sighs as he waits for the bus. He looks at his watch and yawns. His cell phone suddenly starts ringing and he answers.

_"Hey Saji, what time you coming home?" _It was Louise on the other line.

"I'm waiting at the bus station right now. I'll be there shortly."

_"Okay I got some news for you." _She said.

"Is it good or bad?"

_"It's good news for me, I dunno about you." _She answered with a giggle. _"Mama is here to visit. I just picked her up at the airport an hour ago." _

"Is that so…?" He said. "Well we don't have anything in the…"

_"That's okay. Mama said we'll eat out tonight once you get home. Well see ya later." _

"Uh…bye." He said and she hangs up. "Eh…so she's here to visit." His cell phone rings again and he answers it.

_"Saji-kun, have you gotten off from work yet?" _It was his older sister, Kinue.

"Yeah I'm here at the station, waiting for the bus." He answered.

_"Excellent, I was wondering if you want to eat out tonight." _

"Oh I'm sorry, Nee-san, but Louise's mom is taking me and Louise out tonight. Maybe you want to come along?"

_"I'll pass. That Louise girl can't feed you properly, Saji. Only Kinue-neesama can take care of you properly, you remember that. Only I can provide enough love and warmth for you. Not some selfish foreign girl or her mother. What do you see in that girl anyway? It's probably the boobs, right? Don't you worry; Kinue-neesama will work harder on her figure." _

"Eh…wait…what?"

_"Why did you move out, Saji? Big sister misses you so much that every night she…" _

"Onee-san, I only moved next door. I mean we still see each other everyday."

_"But Onee-san wants company tonight. Onee-san wants it bad." _

"Uh…"

_"So Saji-kun, you're going to cancel things with Louise, right? And you're going out with me, right? Ne? Ne?" _

"If you want company, why don't you ask Setsuna next door? I'm sure he's pretty lonely right now."

_"Setsuna…uh…"_

"Yes, Setsuna."

_"You're joking, right?" _

"Nope."

_"You like to tease Onee-san, right?" _

"Uh…no."

_"Yes you do, you love teasing Onee-san, right?" _

"Uh…no."

_"So you're serious about me asking Setsuna out tonight?" _

"Well…uh…yeah." He chuckled nervously. "I mean he's a nice guy."

_"That guy gives me the creeps. He just stares at nothing and mutters stuff about Gundams. I mean sure they're cool but good lord." _

"Uh…Kinue-neesama, the bus here so I'll have to hang up." He lied.

_"Wait…Saji…don't hang up yet…" _She pleaded but he still hangs up anyway.

"What is wrong with my sister?" He muttered softly.

* * *

**APARTMENT DISTRICT**

**10:32 P.M. **

"I'm home." Saji said as he enters his apartment.

"Welcome home." Louise's mother said and hugs him tightly."Oh it's good to see you again, Saji-kun." She said still hugging him.

"Uh…it's good to see you too, Ma'am." He said nervously.

"Now what did I told you?" She asked.

"Uh…"

"I told you to stop calling me Ma'am and just call me "mama" just like Louise."

"MAMA!" Louise screamed as she comes out from the kitchen. "What are you doing with my boyfriend?"

"Just like that." She smiled at him and still hugging tightly. "How does mama's bosom feel, Saji-kun?"

"Uh…Ma'am…uh…mama…uh…"

"Oh I love seeing the embarrassed expression on your face. Ever since Louise's father died I always been thinking about you."

"Mama, papa is still alive and please stop doing weird things to my boyfriend."

"Louise, you know how mama gets turn on when she sees Saji, he reminds me of those loser male main characters you find in those fan service filled harem animes."

"But mama, this is a mecha show. Why don't you go and look outside through the window."

She lets go of Saji and takes a peek. A damaged MS-14B Gelgoog High Mobility Type flies above the building piloted by a very drunk Johnny Ridden. Smoke was coming out from the suit's thrusters and the mobile suit keeps swaying.

"Those assholes always mistake me for Char. I'm the Crimson Lightning not the Goddamn Red Comet. Johnny Freaking Ridden! I'm Johnny Ridden and I'm going to marry Kyclia Zabi when I grow up!" He screams as his mobile suit crashes into the building next door.

"See what did I told you."

"Mama doesn't care anyway." She said and hugs Saji again.

"LET GO OF MY PRECIOUS BABY BROTHER, YOU AEU WHORE!" Kinue screamed as she crashes through the window.

"Onee-san!?" Saji said in surprised and she pulls him off from Louise's mama.

"Who the hell are you?" Louise's mother asked.

"That's Saji's big sister." Louise tells her.

"Big sister?"

"I've been watching through the window and I am so outraged you're trying to steal away my baby brother." She hissed at her.

"Oh…is that so?" She said while raising one of her eyebrows.

"Only Kinue-neesan can take care of Saji-kun." She proclaimed. "Only I can shower him with love and warmth. Did you know we always bathe each other until he was thirteen? Oh if you could see his happy expression when he washes Onee-san's body."

"Huh…?"

"Oh I see." Louise's mother snickered. "But that's going to change now, because starting today I'm going to stay here!"

"What?!" The three of them said in surprised.

"From now on, Saji will receive my affections!"

"Over my dead and cold body!" Kinue hissed at her again.

"Do I hear a declaration for a duel?"

"Bring it on!"

"What did I do to deserve this?" Saji asked as his sister and Louise's mother fight.

* * *

**OUTSIDE**

Setsuna F. Seiei looks up on the sky. "Why is the world distorted?" He asked no one in particular.

* * *

**LOCKON'S BAR**

"It's beginning…" Tieria said as he floats inside VEDA.

_"Hey Tieria, we ran out of olives! Run to the shop and buy some." Lockon yelled through the intercom.  
_


	2. Chapter 1

DISCLIAMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM

**CHAPTER 1**

**APARTMENT DISTRICT**

**SAJI CROSSROAD'S ROOM**

**6:52 A.M. **

Saji wakes up from his sleep. He slowly sits up from his bed and rubs his eyes. He suddenly felt something next to him and slowly puts his hand under the blanket to feel what it is. He felt something warm and soft. Nervous, Saji removes the blanket to discover Louise's mom sleeping next to him. She's wearing a transparent nightgown and he could see her underwear. He covers his mouth to muffle his scream and suddenly she started to move.

"Saji-kun." She moaned and wraps her arms around him. "Good morning."

"G-G-G-Good Morning." He greeted back. "Uh…ma'am…"

"Saji-kun, what did I tell you?"

"I'm sorry ma'am…uh…I forgot.

"I told you to stop calling me ma'am and call me mama."

"I…I…anyway, what are you doing in my room? Aren't you sleeping in Louise's room?" He asked.

"Mama wants to sleep next to Saji-kun."

"Saji, wake up sleepy head." Louise cheerfully said as she enters the room. Her eyes go wide with shock and jumps back when she saw her mother hugging Saji. "What in holy hell is going on here?"

"G-Good morning, Louise." He nervously greets her.

"I'm pretty sure there's a good explanation for this, Saji." She said as a huge pulsing vein appeared on her forehead. "So I'm going to give you a chance to explain yourself."

"Uh…"

"Explain yourself, Saji. Not a lot of girls give this kind of chances, so you better explain this good."

"Uh…you see typical harem anime male lead characters like me must follow typical harem anime clichés. These include designated harem heroines seeing the lead hero in compromising positions like this. But of course in typical harem anime fashion, this is all just a misunderstanding and none of the guy's fault." He said with a flustered smile on his face.

"WRONG!" She screamed and proceeds to strangle him.

"Ara…you kids are so energetic this morning." Louise's mother said while still clinging to Saji.

* * *

**LATER…**

The three of them go downstairs. Saji is massaging his neck while Louise is glaring at him.

"I think you went a little overboard there, Louise." Saji said.

"Well because you were being a pervert to my mama."

"Like I told you she's the one who…"

"Breakfast smells good dear." Louise's mother said. "I guess living alone in Japan made you a good cook, Louise."

"Uh…I didn't cook any breakfast."

The three of them look at each other and run to the kitchen. They see Kinue cooking breakfast and wearing only an apron. "Kinue-neesama…" Saji muttered. "What are you doing?"

"I'm cooking breakfast." She replied with a smile.

"But why are you…naked…are you naked under that apron?"

"And why in our place?" Louise asked. "Isn't this trespassing?"

"Trespassing? Ho ho ho ho!" She laughed. "This isn't trespassing you stupid blonde girl. I'm related to Saji and he lives here. So an older sister like me has all the rights to enter his precious baby brother's home with or without his permission."

"W-Wait…I mean…without permission? I mean that's still trespassing even I'm your brother." Saji said.

"How could you?!" Louise's mother said. "I won't let your taboo love get in the way of my taboo love!" She then starts to undress.

"Mama, what are you doing?"

"If that hussy is going to cook him breakfast wearing only an apron, then I'm going to cook him breakfast wearing nothing at all!"

"Mama no!" Louise screamed and grabs her mother from behind.

"Let me go, Louise! I won't let this bitch destroy the Halevy family name!"

"But if I let you go you're going to do more damage to the family name!"

"Let me go, you impudent daughter. Let mama do her thing."

"Please don't commit adultery so early in the morning." Louise pleaded.

"Mrs. Halevy…uh…ma'am…you should listen to your daughter." Saji said. Kinue suddenly hugs him from behind. "Nee-san! What are you doing?"

"Do you feel Nee-sama's breasts from behind, Saji?" She moaned. "I feel so inferior compared to the bodily assets of these two but family love will prevail. Don't you agree, Saji-kun?"

"Kinue-neesama, please get off of me." Saji said while he struggles.

"Heh…you people are living such peaceful lives." Somebody suddenly said. They all stop what they're doing and look at the direction of the voice. They see Setsuna sitting on the dining table with his usual deadpan expression.

"Setsuna…why are you here?" Saji asked.

"Oh I invited him here for breakfast." Kinue said. "Because I know Louise hates this guy."

"Don't you hate him too?" Louise barked at her. "And you can't just go inviting others on other people's houses."

"Am I…unwanted?" Setsuna asked and he stands up. "Then I should leave."

"No don't." Kinue said. "I made some curry so please stay. You like curry, right?"

"I guess." He replied.

* * *

**MOMENTS LATER…**

All of them are eating breakfast on the table. Kinue and Louise's mother are glaring at each other while eating. Louise is looking at them with cautious eyes while Saji feels awkward about the situation. Setsuna, on the other hand, still has the emotionless expression on his face as he eats.

"Uh…Nee-sama, why don't you put on some more clothes?" Saji said. "I mean…it feels weird eating when seeing you wearing almost nothing."

"Why did she cook curry for breakfast anyway?" Louise asked.

"Because curry is Saji's favorite." Kinue replied. "Hah! I bet you didn't know that."

"Yeah but…eating curry for breakfast is a bit strange." Saji said.

"I know but big sister is just trying to prove a point to these people."

"What point?"

"That I know you better than them!" She said while pointing her spoon at Louise.

"Saaaaaaay…mama, did you know that Setsuna lives alone?" Louise said as she changes the topic.

"Oh…is that true, Setsuna-kun?" Louise's mother asked him.

"Yes."

"So where are your parents then?"

"I killed them." He answered and Louise spits out her food.

"E-E-E-E-Excuse me?" Louise's mother said with a horrified expression. "Did you say you killed them?"

"Yes."

"Oh Setsuna!" Saji interrupts. "You're such a kidder. I mean he really enjoys telling morbid jokes and freaking people out."

"You're wrong." He said with a serious tone.

"Eh…?"

"When war broke out between the Kingdom of Azadistan and my homeland, the Kurdish Republic, I was manipulated by a man named Ali Al Sarshes to kill my parents to prove my devotion to God. I was then taken to a group called KPSA and brainwashed to join their jihad. In short, I became a child mercenary and was forced to commit several acts of terrorism that claimed many lives. I…I realized that there is no God after death and started hating that man for what he had done to me. What he had unleashed to the world. Then…Gundam came. A symbol that will bring balance to this distorted world." He said while eating his food. Everyone look at each other with horrified expressions on their faces.

"Saaaaaaay…who wants more coffee?" Louise said as he grabs the empty coffee pot.

"Me!" They all answered simultaneously with the exception of Setsuna.

* * *

**20 MINUTES LATER…**

**OUTSIDE**

"Well see you later." Saji waved goodbye to his sister, Louise's mother and to Setsuna as he and Louise prepare to go to school.

"Goodbye, mama." Louise said as she also waves goodbye.

"You take good care of my Louise, Saji-kun." Louise's mother said and kisses him on the cheek. "Now that I'm staying here, you'll always get a goodbye kiss from me every time you leave the house."

"Unforgivable!" Kinue screamed.

"Ara…it looks like I got you there." Louise's mother said with an evil smile.

"I won't lose to middle-aged woman!" She said and she grabs Saji's collar.

"Uwaaah! Nee-san, what are you…mmmh!?" Kinue French kisses him deeply. He struggles while her tongue touches his.

"Aaaaaaaaaaah!" Louise screamed in terror while pointing at them.

"Oh my…what a shameless sister. Kissing her younger brother in public while wearing only an apron." Louise's mother said while Setsuna remains emotionless as always.

* * *

**SCHOOL**

**12:17 P.M. **

"Say ah…" Louise said as she gives Saji a bite of her sandwich. It was lunch time and the couple are having lunch on the campus courtyard while sitting on the lawn. "How's my homemade sandwich?"

"Delicious." Saji replied while chewing.

Meanwhile, two girls are spying the couple behind a bush. The brown-haired girl gritted his teeth while Louise offers another bite of her sandwich to Saji. The pink-haired girl next to her looks worried as her friend started shaking uncontrollably with anger. "Chris, are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay." She replied. "Every time Saji-kun hangs out with that blonde bimbo, it pisses me off."

"What do you see in that guy anyway?" She asked Christina. "I mean he's not handsome, or popular or smart. I mean he's normal and a bit pathetic."

"Felt Grace, you moron." She bonks her on the head. "He's like a main male character of a harem anime. You know…the loser type who's a virgin and pretty much useless. Of course girls would be attracted to him."

"But this is a mecha anime!" She retorted.

"Since when?" Christina Sierra asked.

"Take a look." Felt said and points somewhere. Chris then looks at the direction where she's pointing. Char Aznable's MSN-04 Sazabi lands in front of a group of middle school girls while they're walking on the street.

"Kyaaaa! It's Char-sama!" One of the girls cried out in excitement.

Char comes out from the cockpit hatch and spread his arms. "Do you underage beauties wanna take a ride on my spiffing red mobile suit? It's three times faster than Amuro's shitty Nu Gundam."

"But Char-sama…are we all gonna fit inside the cockpit?" Another girl asked.

"Don't worry. Char the man likes it when he's being suffocated by bodies of underage middle school girls. So its aaaaaaaalright!" He said while he smiles at them and made one of the girls faint. They all squealed with joy and climbed aboard his mobile suit.

"That's…like…really really really wrong." Chris said with a disgusted look on her face while Felt just nods in agreement. "Anyway there's also another reason why I like Saji-kun."

"Really?"

"It was during the winter of last year, I just got dumped by Isato-senpai and Saji-kun found me crying alone in an empty classroom.

**FLASHBACK**

"Sierra-san, there's no point in crying." Saji said as he pats her back.

"What do you mean there's no point in crying?" She said angrily. "I just got dumped."

"Then you shouldn't worry because only an idiot would dump a girl like you." He said smiling. "Cute girls are never ignored. You'll see, in a matter of days you'll find someone who will love you and bring you happiness."

"Crossroad-san…" She muttered and started blushing.

"So wipe those tears and don't worry." He said and smiles again that made her heart skipped a beat.

"I'm an idiot…" She said as she wipes her eyes. "Crossroad-san…"

"Saji is fine."

"Saji-kun, all these times, I never realized that a sweet guy like…"

"SAJIIIII!!" Louise yelled as she kicks the door open. "Hurry up and get your things. Your sister is coming! She just drove her car through the school gate."

"Hai!" He answered and grabbed his bag. He winks at Chris and leaves the room with Louise.

"Saji…" She repeated his name again.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

"Uh…just because of that you fell madly in love with him?"

"Oh Felt, love is a mysterious thing."

"It sure is." She said and looks at the couple again. "Hey isn't that Professor Rambal Ral?"

"Ah Crossroand-kun and Halevy-kun, I see you lovebirds are enjoying your lunch." Ramba said as he passes by the couple. "I know you're having a good time now but as your teacher in mobile suit engineering, I have to remind you that we have a test this Tuesday. I hope you study well."

"Yes sir, I already started reviewing my notes. I can now tell the difference between a Zaku and a Gouf."

"That's excellent, my boy. Keep up the good work."

"Thank you, sir."

A male student passes by and waves at the teacher. "Professor Ral, I saw your new Zaku parked at the school lot and I gotta say it's quite bitching." The student said.

"Fool!" Ramba said and slaps the student. "That wasn't a Zaku, boy! Not a Zaku!"

"What did you do that for?" The student cried out. "And why are you copying lines from Mr. Heine Westenfluss? That is so not cool."

"You buffoon! That orange obsessed imbecile is the one who copied my line!"

"You're just jealous because he's pretty." He said.

"You smart aleck punk!" He shouted and chases the student.

"Felt Grace, starting today I will do my best to steal Saji Crossroad from that Louise Halevy! This I swear!" Christina said as she stands up and points at the sky. "Saji-kun is within me! On my back and within my heart he lives! I will put a hole on heaven itself. Even if that hole becomes my grave, as long as I break through, that is my victory! Who the hell do you think I am? I'm Christina Sierra. I am not some side-character who will get killed on the second to the last episode and probably comes back wearing a mask and suffering from amnesia due to some silly deus ex-machina plot on the next season. I AM MYSELF! Chris the…uh…something!"

"That's just…really…lame." Felt said as she rolls her eyes.

Chris notices Saji and Louise looking at her. Her face goes beet red and runs away screaming. Felt slowly stands up and dusted herself. She then proceeds to walk away to the opposite direction like nothing happened.

* * *

**HOURS LATER…**

Saji and Louise are walking home from school while holding hands. Suddenly a blue car blocks their path on the sidewalk. Kinue pops out from the window and started waving like a maniac.

"Saji! Big sister is here to pick you up from school."

"Holy shit!" Louise cursed. "How the hell did she find out about my secret route?"

"Ummm…Louise maybe we should go in, I mean we could get home faster this way."

"Bah…whatever." She said and Saji opens the car door for her.

"Hey I'm only picking up Saji here! Blonde foreign transfer students should take a hike!" Kinue hissed but Louise just ignores her and goes inside the car.

"Nee-san, don't be like that to Louise." Saji said with a nervous smile and goes inside the car. He sits next to Louise at the back seat.

"Oh boo…" Kinue moaned in disappointment as she starts the car and slowly drives away. "I was hoping we could go somewhere. Some place where siblings like us could have fun."

"Is there such a place, Onee-san?" Louise asked.

"Don't underestimate the internet!" She said. "Hey…why am I talking to you? And stop calling me Onee-san!"

"Kinue-neesama, we can't go out today. We need to get home so Louise and I can study for an upcoming test." Kinue steps on the breaks hard and she turns around. Her eyes were scary and her face is all contorted like some sort of monster. Louise and Saji turn powder white from fear.

"Study you say, eh?"

"Yes…we have a test on mobile suit engineering this coming Tuesday."

"Study!? Study!? Oh no sir, you guys aren't gonna study. What you guys are going to do when you reach home is run straight to Saji's room and lock it. Then you two will proceed to explore each other bodies like in those H-games because my brother here probably picked A or C or something. Then Miss Tsundere here will finally open up her soft side and act all kawaii and shit! Then BOOM! Good ending time and the credits will roll while a catchy Jpop song sung by A BONE or something plays in the background. Remember that Canvas game? Onee-chan cried while playing that. Anyway, Saji, time to branch paths and switch to the older sister path!" She said and kicks out Louise out of the car.

"Kyaaaaah!" Louise screamed as she gets kicked out.

"Sayonara!" Kinue said as she speeds away with Saji still in the backseat.

"Ouch…" Louise said as she rubs her behind. "What the hell is wrong with that woman?"

CRASH!

Kinue crashes into a blue Gouf parked outside a convenience store. She comes out of the car and started screaming. "What the hell is wrong with you, moron? You can't park your mobile suit here! This parking space is for cars only, not for your Goddamned Zaku!"

The Gouf's cockpit hatch opens and Ramba Ral pokes his head out. "This is not a Zaku, woman! Not a Zaku!"

"I don't care if this is the freaking completed Zeong or something. Get this thing out of the way!"

While Kinue is busy arguing with Ramba, Louise sneaks behind the car and pulls out Saji. They both run away from the scene as a police car appear.

* * *

**APARTMENT DISTRICT**

**6:15 P.M. **

Saji sighs with relief as he finally reaches home. Louise locks the door once they got inside. They find Setsuna on the living room. He's sitting comfortably on the couch and watching a mecha anime called Astray Genesis.

"Uh…hi." Saji greets him.

"Hi." He greets back.

"Why are you here again?" Louise asked.

"I never left since this morning." He said.

"Uh…why?"

"I don't have cable." He replied. "Oh and your mother asked me to help her do some shopping."

"Oh welcome back." Louise's mother said as she comes out from the kitchen. This time she's the one only wearing an apron. "I cooked some curry and I guarantee you its more better than that dreadful woman's cooking."

"M-M-Mama…" Louise said as she sits on the couch. She grabs a pillow and repeatedly hits her head with it.

* * *

**LATER…**

The four of them are having dinner. Louise shoves a spoonful of curry into her mouth. She has a tired and disappointed expression on her face. Louise's mother is smiling at Saji and playing footsie with him under the table. Saji is in a cold sweat as he nervously eats his food. Setsuna slowly chews his food with his usual emotionless expression.

"How's the curry?" She asked.

"It's…it's delicious." Saji answered.

"It's fine." Louise answered.

"Oh I'm happy to hear that." She said cheerfully. "So is it better than your sister's curry? Tell me…is it?"

"Uh…gee…uh…"

"This curry…" Setsuna suddenly said.

"What about it?" Saji asked.

"This curry reminds me of the curry I ate when I did a mission in India back when I was a child mercenary. The one who's supposed to bring the rations was killed when he stepped on a land mine. So we went to this town but…"

"I'm done!" Louise said as she slams her spoon on the table.

"SAJIIIII!!" Kinue screamed as she kicks the door open. An unlocked cuff is dangling on her right hand and her clothes are all torn off.

"Oh joy." Louise said.

"Onee-san…what happened to you?" Saji asked.

"Not even the law can prevent me from showering you with my sisterly love!" She said as she slowly approaches Saji.

"Not so fast!" Louise's mother said as she steps in front of Kinue. "I won't let you lay your filthy hands on this boy."

"Bring it on!" Kinue said as she jumps on her.

"I'll rip your head off!" Louise's mother screamed as they both have a cat fight on the floor.

"I'm going to take a bath now." Louise said and she goes upstairs.

Saji just sighs and continues eating his curry. "This isn't actually bad." He said and Setsuna nods in agreement.

* * *

**OUTSIDE**

Christina and Felt are watching through the window. "It looks like I have many enemies." Chris said and she clenches her fist. "But I'm the one who will capture his heart."

"You're other opponents are his sister and his girlfriend's mother. Okay that's just really wrong. In fact…we stalking him and watching what's going on his house is also considered wrong." Felt said but Chris ignores her and continue observing Saji. Shinn Asuka and his girlfriend, Lunamaria Hawke passes by behind them. Luna is dressed up like Mayu.

"Shinn…please tell me again why you forced me to dress up like your dead little sister." She asked.

"Direct all your complaints to Maaya Sakamoto." He said. "And don't call me Shinn…call me Onii-chan."

* * *

_Thanks for the reviews. I'm happy that some people enjoyed my first parody fic. The mecha show Setsuna was watching is an original fic created by SSJ-Jolt. Check it out. Thanks again and I hope you enjoyed Chapter 1.  
_


	3. Chapter 2

DISCLIAMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM

**CHAPTER 2**

**LOCKON'S BAR**

**9:45 P.M. **

"So you pretty much have it tough, Saji." Lockon said while wiping a beer mug.

"Yeah…" Saji said and sits on one of the stools in front of the bar. "I feel much more at ease here than home. I kinda feel sorry for leaving Louise; maybe I should bring her to work next time."

"I'm pretty sure she would be thrilled talking to the bar's most interesting denizens." He said while pointing to Shinn and George de Sand. Both of them are sitting on the corner of the bar.

"C'mon Georgie, I spent all night dressing Mayu in various French maid outfits…I need your opinion on this." Shinn said as he shows George pictures of Lunamaria dressed up in French maid outfits while still playing Mayu the little sister to Shinn.

"Sacrebleu!" George cried out. "Why are you showing me those? And isn't your sister dead?"

"Oh that's Luna." He said with a smile. "We kinda agreed on having her dressed up and act like my late little sister."

"And she agreed?"

"Uh…well if you consider forcing her against her will as a form of agreement then yes."

"Uh…wow." Saji said. "Anyway, where's Tieria?"

"That androgynous fool is probably interfacing with VEDA again." He replied. "He's probably working on some really serious super secret stuff."

**TIERIA'S ROOM**

**VEDA'S MAIN CPU**

"Oh crud!" He said while floating inside VEDA. "Some moron is trolling the Prince Caspian boards" He opens up another window and thinks for a moment. "My Juan Gotoh manga is still downloading. Hmmm…thirty more percent before I gorge on shotacon goodness. Alright, it's time to flame them back with extreme prejudice." He said in determination.

**BACK TO LOCKON'S BAR**

"Yup." Lockon said. "I bet Tieria is working on another Celestial Being assignment. Guess maybe I should give him the day off."

Suddenly, a group of mean looking thugs wearing black suits barge in through the bar. "Lockon-san, what's going on?" Saji asked as he starts panicking.

"Calm down, Saji." He said and puts his hand on his shoulder. "I see…it's that time of the month again. Saji, these guys are…"

"ORB!" Shinn suddenly screamed as he jumps off his chair. "I knew this day would come. So Cagalli finally grew a pair and sent assassins to take me out once and for all."

"Uh…no…Shinn, these guys aren't ORB hitmen. Besides, nobody cared for you when Final Plus was aired since Kira pretty much took over the main character's position. You were pretty much a nuisance than an opposition. The main bad guy was Char Azna…err…I mean Chairman Durandal." Lockon said but Shinn wasn't listening.

Shinn's eyes becomes dark red as he goes into SEED mode. "Henshin-a-go-go, baby!" He yelled and goes into a martial arts position. "You bastards don't realize that you're in deep shit since you're all up against a Coordinator. My genes are modified so I can move and think better. I can adapt to any situation and I'm quite durable to boot. So prepare to get your wiseguy asses…" The thug in front pulls out a .50 caliber Desert Eagle. "Okay I give up." He said and raises his hands.

"Lockon-san, who are these guys?"

"It's her." Lockon replied softly as he glares at the person who just came in after the thugs.

"I see your place is lively as always, Mr. Stratos." A girl with a long black hair said. She takes a few steps closer and Saji notices she's wearing a high school uniform. Her body is petite but her breasts are quite developed for her age. Her eyes are almost lifeless and it's like she's on the brink of insanity. She flashes a smile that could give Saji nightmares.

"Kotonoha Katsura." Lockon said. "Every month, her gang always extorts my establishment for protection money."

"You mean this girl is heading a mafia gang?"

"Ara…who is this?" She said as she gazes into his eyes. "I never seen you before."

"He works here part-time. He started two weeks ago." Lockon said.

"Oh dear…he's my type. The meek, loser type who can be indecisive sometimes. He reminds me of someone that I loved."

"Wait a darn minute." George suddenly interrupted. "This is Gundam and why are you here? I mean this story is overflowing with crossovers already and…"

"Shut it, Frenchie." One of the thugs said and karate chops him on the head.

"Hey you can't do that to my friend." Shinn said. "Hey may be a French stereotype but he's still my friend. He hasn't given me his opinion yet on what kind of French maid outfit that would suit my girlfriend who's pretending to be my dead sister."

"You want some too, Kamille 2.0?"

"No thank you. I changed my mind, by all means, beat the living crap outta him."

"Anyway, tell me your name." She asked Saji.

"Saji Crossroad."

"I like you." She said and suddenly grabs Shinn's pink cell phone.

"Hey give Mayu back!" He protested and one the thugs glare at him and she shuts up.

"Here." Kotonoha hands Saji the cell phone. "Please take a picture of me." She said and does a V-sign.

"Okay…" Saji said and uses the camera phone to take a picture of her. He hands her the phone back and she tosses it to Shinn's direction.

"Mayu!!" He screamed and he catches the phone. "They didn't hurt you, did they?" He asked as he caress the pink cell.

"Now that you taken a picture of me, you're officially my boyfriend."

"Ehh…?!"

"Is something the matter, Crossroad-kun?"

"But I already have a girlfriend."

"…and an incestuous older sister who has the hots for him and his girlfriend's mother who plans to commit adultery by sleeping with him." Shinn said while still caressing the cell phone."

"Shinn!"

"Nani?!" Kotonoha screamed. "Pablo!"

"Yes ma'am?" One of the thugs said.

"Hand me my Dozuki."

"Yes ma'am." He replied and hands her the Japanese saw.

"Oh fudge this!" Shinn said and he jumps outside through the window.

"K-K-Katsura-san…why are you going to do with that?" Saji asked nervously.

"Is it true? What that man said? Do you really have a girlfriend, an incestuous older sister and middle-aged woman going after you?"

"Y-Y-Yes…" He replied with a shaking voice.

"Oh I see…" She said and tosses the dozuki. The insane look on her face is gone now and she's smiling. "I guess I have to work harder on capturing your heart."

"H-H-Huh…?"

"Lockon-san, since I met a wonderful boy on your bar, I'm letting you off this month." She said. "Let's go boys."

"Yes ma'am." All of the thugs replied and they leave the bar. Saji looks at Lockon and he shrugs his shoulders.

"What the fudge just happened?" George de Sand cried out.

* * *

**LATER…**

"It seems I owe you guys some sort of explanation." Lockon said.

"Aaaaaaand…you also owe a lot of people an explanation on why the fudge Kotonoha from School Days is here." George said.

"I see…for those who aren't aware…School Days is an anime that was adapted from an H-game. The game was notorious for its violent bad endings." Lockon explained as everyone nodded. "The anime version wasn't also safe from controversies because of its bloody finale."

"So what's the deal with Kotonoha?"

"You see…School Days is about this dude named Makoto Itou who started dating her with the help of his childhood friend. Long story short, he became an asshole, slept around, toyed with their hearts and in the end, he and the childhood friend all ended up dead."

"I see…so when this chick said that Saji reminds of her someone then she means this Makoto asshole. So that means Saji is an asshole." Shinn said as he appears out of nowhere.

"Oh hi, brave heart." George greets him.

"Well people like Saji sometimes end up being assholes."

"Eh…??"

"So Kotonoha thinks Saji is an asshole because he's like that Makoto asshole so therefore…"

"Saji is an asshole." Lockon ended his sentence.

"I'm going home, guys." Saji angrily said and he marches towards the exit.

"Saji." Lockon called out to him before he could reach the doorknob.

"School Days bashing aside…be careful out there, Saji. Now that Queen Yandere has her sights on you, things might get dangerous."

"I'll be careful, boss." He said and finally leaves.

"That boy is so fudged." Lockon said.

"Yup…people who get mixed up with School Days get fudged big time." George said.

"Didn't we bash the series enough?" Shinn asked. "This is about Gundam, people."

"Okay…let's get back to Gundam then." Lockon said. "You suck, Shinn."

"Say I saw one comment on the internet about School Days. It says it's like a shiny and fast sports car at first. Then the car hits a tree and explodes. Then a huge truck hits the destroyed car then an asteroid crashes on the crash scene. After all that, some random dude walks up on the scene and commits suicide. That's how messed up School Days is." Shinn said as he changes the topic back to School Days.

"I miss Jess Rabble." Lockon said.

"Me too." George agreed with him.

"Hey stop bashing me, assholes!"

* * *

**APARTMENT DISTRICT**

**11:54 P.M. **

"I'm home." Saji said as he enters the apartment. "Oh my God!" He cried when he saw the apartment trashed. "What the hell happened here? Oh no…Louise!" He then checks around the house but could not find any sign of Louise or her mother. "Something happened to them…dammit!" He said as he kneels on the floor crying. "Damn it" He cursed and punches the floor.

"Hey." Setsuna said behind him while eating a banana.

"Aaaaaaaah!" He screamed. "Don't sneak up on me like that."

"Sorry." He apologized.

"Setsuna-kun, something bad happened. I found the apartment all messed up and Louise and the others are missing."

"I know." He said. "It was like this when I got here half an hour ago."

"Uh…what? Then why didn't do anything? Why didn't try to look for them? You should have at least called the police."

"Here." He hands him a piece of paper.

"What is this?"

"It's a note. I found it taped on your front door."

"What's this?" He asked and proceeded to read it aloud. "Dear Saji Crossroad. I kidnapped your precious girlfriend, her mother and your incestuous sister. If you want to see them alive, then please be my boyfriend. Love Kotonoha Katsura. P.S. Ask your boss, Lockon, once you made up your mind. He will tell you where to find me."

"Bummer." Setsuna said and finishes his banana.

"OH MY GOD!" Saji cried out. "She kidnapped Louise, her mother and Kinue-neesama!"

"That is unfortunate." Setsuna said with his usual calm tone.

"How can you say that in a calm voice?" He asked. "And why didn't do anything? You're supposed to be some sort of tough ex-child mercenary, why didn't you help them."

"I would but I was busy maintaining the Avalanche Pack of my Exia."

"What the hell is an Avalanche Pack? You didn't use that in the anime."

"Fool!" He slapped him. "Read Gundam 00V side story, moron. I hate it when people don't know their series continuity."

"Ah…what should I do?" Saji said as he started panicking. He then runs outside and Setsuna follows him.

* * *

**LOCKON'S BAR**

**LOCKON'S ROOM**

**8:15 A.M. **

Lockon yawns as he wakes up. He sits up from his bed and scratches his head. He starts stretching and he suddenly felt something under the blanket. Something wet. He flips the blanket over and discovers Makoto Itou's head lying next to him. He then screams in horror and runs outside the room.

**LOCKON'S BAR**

**1O: 12 A.M. **

"Lockon-san!" Saji yelled as barges in the bar with Setsuna.

"Saji-kun!" He said, almost spilling his orange juice. "What's wrong? You look like hell."

"Here!" He hands him the note.

"Oh…crap." Lockon said after reading it. "This is bad."

"It seems Saji made a powerful enemy." Setsuna said.

"Oh hi, Setsuna."

"You know him, Lockon-san?" Saji asked.

"He's also a member of Celestial Being."

"Oh…right."

"Anyway, what should we do. Saji?"

"It looks like I have no choice, Lockon-san."

"What? You're just gonna give in?"

"But if I don't give in, Katsura-san will hurt Louise and Nee-sama."

"The truth is…you're not the only one who got hit by Kotonoha Katsura."

"What do you mean?"

He pulls out Makoto's dismembered head. "I found this on my bed when I woke up this morning."

"Holy frigging shit!" Saji cried and started puking on the floor.

"Oh for the love of Gihren Zabi, it's only a decapitated head. You're such a wuss, Saji."

"Jesus H. Christ." He said while wiping his mouth. "Do you plan on keeping that thing?"

"Hey if I put it inside a pickle jar, it might look cool on display."

"Damn it…listen…I need help here. I need to save my girlfriend, her mother and my sister. You read the note…Katsura-san said to come to you."

"This happened last night, right?" He asked.

"Yes." He replied.

"So…why did you just come now?

"Sorry…I was panicking and I ended up running around the city all night."

"Son of a bitch." He said in disbelief. "And you followed him?" He asked Setsuna.

"We stopped at Burger King around three in the morning." He said. "We were suppose to go to Pizza Hut but some dude in a mask and his posse all clad in black took all the seats."

"Oh yeah." Saji said smiling. "They had that banner saying something about a rebellion."

"Yeah…I'm more into Dominos anyway." Lockon said.

"Anyhow, we have to save Louise and the others."

"Allow us to help." Somebody suddenly said behind Saji and Setsuna.

"Shinn Asuka and George de Sand." Setsuna said when he turned around to face them.

"It's a pleasure to meet you again." George said.

"Say if it isn't the new Gundam protagonist." Shinn said and he puts his hands on his shoulders. "So did those UC elitist fans ate you up yet?"

"I…I…dunno…have they?"

"You'll see soon, my friend. You'll see soon." Shinn said as he chuckles.

"What are you guys doing here?" Saji asked.

"We never left." Shinn said.

"But I remember kicking you guys out." Lockon said.

"Let's not dabble in pointless stuff, we need to help this boy." George said.

"G-Guys…" Saji muttered, almost in tears. "Thank you."

"We're going to help you, Saji, but in one condition."

"What?"

"Don't give in." Shinn said. "We'll teach that Yandere not to mess with Mayu-chan."

"But what should I do then?"

"We need to find her weakness." George said.

"H-H-How?"

"Don't worry, Lockon here know what to do."

"I guess it can't be help." He said. "Okay gimme some time, I need to prepare some stuff."

* * *

**MOMENTS LATER**

"Resurrect her dead friends?" They all said in disbelief.

"And Kotonoha's little sister."

"Her little sister?" Saji said.

"Yes, her name is Kokoro Katsura-chan." Lockon said as he leans his head on his chair. "I believe she was a magical girl. After the tragedy that happened at the end of the anime, Kokoro-chan went into depression. Her arch-nemesis, Doctor S took advantage of that. In the end they both died."

"What the hell is wrong with these people?" George asked.

"If a little sister is involved then I'm definitely in." Shinn said as he clenches his fist.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" George asked Shinn.

"So if we bring her dead friends and sister back to life, I can save Louise and the others?" Saji asked.

"Yup."

"But how?" Shinn asked.

"By collecting three magical orbs."

"ORB?!" Shinn growled.

"Not that orb, moron."

"A question?" Saji asked raising his hand.

"Yes?"

"When you mean friends, is that guy also included?" Saji asked while pointing to Makoto's dismembered head.

"Well yes, Makoto Itou, Sekai Saionji the childhood friend, Setsuna Kiyoura, Nanami Kanroji, Hikari Kuroda and Taisuke Sawanaga."

"This sounds like hard work but I have to do it. For the sakes of my loves ones." Saji said and stands up.

"Yeah!" They all cheered.

"So Lockon-san, where can we find these orbs?"

"Hmmm…I don't know where to find them all but I know where to find one."

* * *

**CHAR AZNABLE'S RESIDENCE**

**1:32 P.M. **

The five of them all stood in front of Char's house. The whole house is made of pure gold and all of his mobile suits are parked on the garage in front of the house.

"So why is it made of gold?" Shinn asked.

"Don't you remember the Hyaku Shiki?" George asked.

"But isn't it more appropriate if it's red since he's called the Red Comet and paints his suits red."

"A red house would just be strange."

"And a house made of pure gold isn't?"

"Knock it off you two." Lockon scolds them. "Check those out. All of the mobile suits Char used in his whole career are parked in front of his house. The Zaku II Commander Type, Z'Gok Commander Type, Zeong, Rick Dias, Zero the R…Zero the R?!"

"What's wrong Lockon-san?" Saji asked.

"Why is the Zero the R here?"

"Oh…are you one of those people who thinks Char's Deleted Affair: Portrait of the Red Comet isn't canon?" Shinn asked.

"But that manga isn't canon right? Right? Right?"

"Uh…well…"

"Ah forget it." Lockon said. "Wait…what in the hell…"

"Now what?"

"What the hell is the Tallgeese doing here?"

"Oh I heard from E! Entertainment that Char loves to bust balls with his copycats." Shinn said.

"He freaking painted it in red!"

"Oh the Lightning Baron won't be happy with that." George said. "Or was it the Lightning Count?"

"Anyway, why would a big shot celebrity like Char possess one of the magical orbs?" Saji asked Lockon.

"Because he's a big shot celebrity." He replied.

"Makes sense to me."

"So how we gonna sneak in?" George asked.

"Oh screw that Metal Gear crap, let's charge right in." Shinn said and he smashes the lock on the gate using a crowbar. The five of them go in but after a few steps the alarm started blaring.

"Oh well that was fun." Saji said.

"Who dares trespass Char-sama's home?" A female voice said from behind. They all turn around and find a dozen Puru clones armed with guns.

"Oh boy the loli brigade." Lockon said as the clones slowly approach them.

* * *

_Notes: Juan Gotoh is a mangaka who makes hentai shotacon mangas. _

_I really having a blast writing this fanfic and I'm glad people like it. After this chapter, I plan to work on the next chapter of Apollo of the Sky. I hope you enjoy this chapter and tnx!_


	4. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM

_I know I said I would do Apollo of the Sky next but I decided I'm going to do another chapter of this since I've been feeling depressed lately. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Tnx!_

**CHAPTER 3**

**UNDISCLOSED LOCATION**

**INSIDE A REALLY NICE BOAT…**

Louise, her mother and Kinue Crossroad are sitting on a table having tea with Kotonoha Katsura. The room they're in is beautifully furnished and the cups they're using are quite expensive. Classical music is playing in the background.

"So that's the end of my story." Kotonoha said and she takes a sip from her teacup.

"That…that…that was really tragic." Louise said as she wipes her tears.

"We're sorry we said those mean things to you." Louise's mother and hugs her tightly. "C'mere Louise, hug this poor girl."

"Yes mama." Said and hugs both of them.

"I can so relate with you." Kinue sniffed and they engage in a massive group hug.

"I don't know why but I got this urge to kill Saji since he's like that guy in your story." Louise said as she caresses Kotonoha's hair.

"Yeah Saji is an idiot." Kinue added.

"Oh my…Louise…mama just noticed how fast your body has developed." Louise's mother said and proceeds to squeeze her boobs.

"Mama…don't!" She moaned while blushing.

"Oh my…Kotonoha-chan also has a very developed chest." She said and squeezes her boobs too.

"I wanna compare mine with yours, Kotonoha-chan." Louise said and she also massages her boobs.

"Oh boo…I'm so jealous you people have big boobs." Kinue said.

"Oh Kinue dear…don't be sad." Louise's mother said. "If you massage your boobs I'm sure they'll grow."

"Really?"

"Yup." Louise said. "Mama knows many breast massage techniques."

"Say…how about helping her develop." Kotonoha said.

"You're willing to help me?" She asked.

"Of course…since you listened to my story and sympathized with me, I'll definitely help you out."

"It's decided then." Louise's mother said. "Okay girls…take off all of your clothes."

"All?"

"Uh-huh…it's best to do this naked." She said.

"Makes sense to me." Louise said and begins to undress.

"I wonder if this is what they call skinship." Kinue wondered. "Hey…that tickles…stop that." She said as Kotonoha begins to strip her.

"On to the next scene please!" One of Kotonoha's thugs said as he appears out of nowhere.

* * *

**THE NEXT SCENE!**

**CHAR AZNABLE'S RESIDENCE**

**CHAR'S CHAMBER**

**2:15 P.M. **

"Those bastards!" Lockon yelled.

"Those assholes!" Shinn yelled.

"Those bastardizing assholes!" George yelled.

"Our incest yuri orgy!" Saji cried out in anguish "It's gone! It's freaking gone!"

"Ahem."

"Oh right." Lockon said. "Oh yeah…we got caught by the Puru clones, tied us up and now Char Aznable himself is interrogating us inside his room while sitting on a big comfy recliner."

"Look on the bright side; we got manhandled by cute loli girls." Shinn said while George nods in agreement. Then a Puru clone hits him with a club. "Ouch! Oh my! That really hurts but…damn…but it was good."

"So what brought you people here?" Char asked while tapping his fingers "Did that jackass, Amuro Ray, sent you?"

"I'll be frank with you, Aznable-san." Saji said in a serious voice.

"Do tell, lad."

"We didn't mean any ill will…the reason why we came here because we need to borrow the magical orb in your possession."

"You mean the magical orb that has the power to bring dead people back to life?"

"Yes, that one."

"Why do you need that?"

"It's a long story, sir."

"I got all the time in the world, kiddo."

**A ONE LONG STORY LATER…**

"I see…that is indeed quite unfortunate." Char said. "I really want to help you. Saji-kun, but I can't just give up one of my prized possessions."

"Oh don't worry." Lockon said. "We came prepared. I'm willing to trade this Mariemaia Khushrenada and Mineva Zabi yuri lolicon doujinshi for your magical orb."

"Deal!" Char said. "Puru clones, untie everyone."

"As you wish, Char-sama."

"Wow that went well." Shinn said as he rubs his hands. "Nice going, Lockon."

"Why thank you, Shinn." He said.

"Where did you get this?" Char asked as he checks the contents of the doujin. "This is perverted. Oh my…this is making me blush…this is some good stuff." He said while saliva drips from his mouth. "Daddy is so going to enjoy this baby."

"Good Lord. And people love this guy?" George whispered to Saji.

"Put this in my collection drawer." He said and hands it to a Puru clone.

"As you wish, Char-sama."

"Anyway, since I'm an honorable man, I will give you the magical orb." He said and he stands up. "Follow me." He then knocks on the wall near his bed. The wall slides over, revealing a secret room. He enters and everyone followed him.

"Welcome to my treasure room" He proclaimed. "This is where I keep my treasures."

"Well duh." Shinn said.

"Wow…" Saji said while looking at a lock of hair inside a glass display.

"That belongs to Lalah Sune." Char said.

"How about this?" Shinn asked while pointing to a pair of panties on display.

"Oh yes…those belong to Quess Paraya." He said with a smile.

"Well these…ermm…treasures look cool and all but we really need the magical orb, Mr. Aznable." Lockon said.

"Oh yes…do pardon me." He then produces a small golden box. He opens it and reveals a shining blue orb.

"So…that's the magical orb." Saji said.

"Take it."

"Thank you very much, Aznable-san." Saji said as he pockets the orb. "Now we only need to find the other two."

"Hmmm…I know where one is." Char said. "It's in the possession of…"

"Whoa, it's a bird!" Shinn said while pointing to pink bird atop a roost.

"Oh yes…that's a rare magical bird I found in Australia." Char said. "It can sense your inner most secrets that you don't want other people to know."

"Really?" Shinn said and he looks the bird straight in the eye.

"Squawk!" The bird chirped. "You masturbate over Hajime Katoki designs! Squawk!"

"Wait…no…uh…well it's because Katoki-san never did any Cosmic Era suits and…and…and…holy shit!" Shinn said as he starts panicking.

"Wow." George said quite amazed. "This is a pretty amazing bird."

"Squawk! You were actually happy when the missiles were deflected to the crowd when you were fighting the Mirage Gundam in Marseilles. Squawk!"

"…"

"Wow…this bird is really magical." Shinn said.

"Anyway…you were saying, Char?" Lockon said.

"As I was saying…I know one person who has one of these magical orbs." Char said with grim look on his face. "It's none other than my long time rival…Amuro Ray."

"I see…I guess we're going to see Amuro Ray next. Thank you, Aznable-san. C'mon guys we need to hurry." Saji said and walks towards the exit.

"Wait!"

"Huh…?"

"I'm coming with you!" Char said.

"You…?" Setsuna asked. "Why?"

"Because I sympathize with the boy." He explained. "Even though he's up against multiple odds, he is still determined to save his loved ones."

"Then we gladly accept your aid." Lockon said and offers his hand.

"This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship." He takes his hand and shakes it. "Puru clones! Open the garage!"

"Yes, Char-sama!"

* * *

**CHAR'S GARAGE**

"Behold" Char shouted as he spreads his arms.

"Holy crap!" They all exclaimed. Dozens of Puru clones are all in S and M bondage gear and…uh…pleasuring each other. Some of them are cosplaying as Haman Karn.

One Puru clone is cosplaying as Char himself and is whipping a Haman cosplayer. "What did Char told you?" Puru Char said as she whips her behind.

"Never grow up! Never grow up!"

"But you did! That means you're a bad bad girl!" Puru Char laughed evilly and produces a big and shiny strap-

"Ooooookay!" Char interrupted and closes the curtains. "That's not what I'm trying to show you. Geez, we're really pushing the lolicon jokes in this chapter.

"Awwww…we were watching that." Shinn protested.

"I bet he takes out all his sick fantasies and frustrations to his Puru clones." George whispered to Lockon.

"I think Char never got over that Haman grew up." He whispered back.

"You gotta love celebrities." He snickered.

"Ahem." Char clears his throat. "Anyway…behold!" He said and points to the shiny mobile suit on the middle of the garage.

"Holy shit." Shinn muttered as the MSN-04II Nightingle stood before them. The mobile suit is fully equipped with funnels and big ass mega beam rifle.

"But…but…the Nightingle only appeared in the novel. It's not anime canon!"

"No wait…" Saji said. "I mean we serviced the lolicon nuts. I think we're being unfair to the mech heads. It's all about please fans here."

"I agree." Lockon said as he nods his head.

"I was touched by your bravery and determination, Saji-kun." Char said and he puts hand on his shoulder. "I will aide you using this magnificent mobile suit."

"Char…"

"Saji…"

"Char!" He cried out and hugs Char tightly.

"There, there…" He said softly and touches his cheek. Saji blushes as he feels his warm and soft hands. "From now on, I will always be at your side."

"Char…" He moaned.

"Saji…" He repeated and the two share a long and intimate embrace. The area becomes bright and several roses pop out of nowhere as the two men share a very beautiful moment."

"Goddammit." George cursed.

"We sure are pleasing a lot of fans." Setsuna said.

"Then…" Char said and points to the sky. "To Amuro's place!"

"Yeah!" They all cheered.

As they happily march outside, a mysterious woman watches them while perched atop a lamp post. "Fu fu fu fu fu, I see things are getting interesting." She said and with a blink of eye, she's gone.

* * *

**LOCKON'S BAR**

**3:12 P.M. **

Tieria Erde comes out from his room and goes downstairs. "Hey Lockon, It's time to open up….what in the blue hell?!" He cried out upon seeing the bar downstairs trashed. The cash register is open and its contents missing. Some of the expensive wine bottles are also missing and graffiti are sprayed all over the walls. "What happened here? Where the hell is Lockon?"

The door suddenly opens and Christina Sierra comes running in accompanied by Felt Grace. "Excuse me! Is Saji Crossroad here?" She asked Tieria. "And what the heck happened here? It's just like Saji's place."

"Saji isn't here and what happened to his place?"

"We went there to visit but found the whole place trashed. We came running here since I heard he works at Lockon's bar."

"Lockon is missing, so is Saji." Tieria tells her. "What's going on here? Oh I'm in despair! Everything has left me in despair!" He cried out and repeatedly bashes his head on the counter.

"Where the heck is Saji?" She wonders. "C'mon Felt, we need to find him." She said and grabs her hand. They run out of the bar while Tieria is still bashing his head on the counter.

"Heeeeeeey!" Bernard Monsha greets while he comes in accompanied by…uh…white haired female. "I hooked up with this lovely lady and we came here for some booze. What's your name again, toots?"

"Laura Rolla." She answered while giggling.

* * *

**ELSEWHERE…**

"So…uh…anybody noticed that it's kinda getty foggy here?" George asked.

"Were lost are we?" Shinn asked. "We should've used that Nightingle of yours, Char."

"We're not lost and that thing is still being maintained. Please be patient." Char said. "I'm sure this is the right path to Amuro's place."

"Anybody hear that?" Saji said.

"Hear what?" Lockon asked him. "I don't hear anything?"

"Yeah…I hear it too…it sounds like moaning…and laughing at the same time."

"Okay…this is getting creepy." Char said as he grows cautious. "Everybody stick together."

CRUNCH!

"Okay, I definitely heard something."

"Okay I hear footsteps! Footsteps!"

"Lockon-san, do you think Katsura-san had us followed?"

"It's a possibility."

"Hey…that tickles…hey! What the fudge? Hey, somebody is groping me!" Shinn cried out. The fog then disappears and suddenly they're surrounded by a group of suspicious looking people. For some reason, they don't look right, like they're in some sort of trance. They're all smiling and blushing. Five of them are…uh…err…touching Shinn.

"Aw hell…I so don't wanna see this." George said and he averts his eyes.

"Help me!" Shinn cried out. "These assholes are totally perving on me!"

"They're blushing for Pete's sakes! Why the hell are they blushing?"

One of them lunges at Saji but Char saves him by kicking the guy on the face. "Hah! I won't let you molest me and my friends unless you're a fourteen year old girl with Newtype potential."

"Oh for the love of Doraemon, would you please stop with the lolicon jokes!" Lockon said in irritation.

"What's up with these guys? They're like zombies!"

"But perverted!" Shinn said as he struggles with one of them as he tries to rip his shirt open. "Could you guys gimme a hand here?"

"Man…I really wanna help, Shinn, but I really don't wanna get near you right now." George said.

"Thanks a lot, asshole. Thanks a frigging lot."

"Alright, let's get the hell outta here!" Lockon ordered as he punches one of them.

"Hey you're leaving me behind?" Shinn asked.

"Look…we won't tell Lunamaria you got raped to death by a group of pervert zombies. We'll tell her that you died while doing a kamikaze run with your Core Splendor in order to save our lives. That Tomino gave you an epic and manly death."

"Oh fudge you, guys! Fudge you!"

"Unhand these people, monsters!" Somebody suddenly said.

"Who the hell said that?"

"Look! Up there!" Saji pointed.

Suddenly, a woman wearing strange clothes lands from the sky. "I won't let you harm these people!" She said and pulls out a magical wand. "Po po po rin rin rin daisuki!" She said and unleashes a wave of magical beams. The beams hit the zombies and turn them back to normal people.

"Is that Kekko Kamen?" Lockon asked.

"Non! You wish, asshole." George said.

"Magical love attack! Popete popete poporin mahou!" She shouted and blasts the perverted zombies attacking Shinn with her love beam. They revert back to normal, letting him go.

"You know…I think this would be a lot cooler if she was a little…"

"Younger." Char finished.

"Uh…yeah."

"Final attack!" She shouted as she leaps in the air. "Magical love golden shower!"

"I'm gonna be sick. I am so gonna be sick after all this crap." Saji said with a disgusted face.

"Punishment!" She said and unleashes a barrage of love beams, turning all the zombies back to normal. "Don't worry, people. You're all safe now." She said and gives Saji a thumbs-up and a wink. Saji smiles awkwardly at her.

"Okay…who the heck are you?" Shinn asked while dusting himself.

"I cannot tell you my name, but know this: I was once a comrade of Magical Heart Kokoro-chan."

"Kotonoha Katsura's younger sister!?" Lockon said in surprised. "You know her? Kotonoha's younger sister who's a famous magical girl."

"Yes, we are proud magical love warriors that protect the city from crime."

"Pffffft! Jeezus Christ! So in other words School Days ripped off Magical Girl Pretty Sammy. Oh this is just great." Shinn said.

"Shut up, Shinn. You're not helping here."

"You know one time, before she died, I had Mayu dressed up like…"

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut the fudge up!" George yelled and repeatedly slaps him.

"Hey hands off, Emma Sheen!" Shinn cried out in anger. "You're giving me bad Athrun Zala flashbacks here."

"Uh…you were saying, before we were so rudely interrupted by those two brain-dead morons." Lockon said as he smiles nervously at the Magical woman…err…girl.

"As I was saying…I have been observing you people. You're on a quest to find the three magical orbs so you can return Kotonoha's friends back to life."

"I see."

"We're on our way to Amuro's place to get one." Saji said. "We were attacked by these…uh…"

"They're perverted zombies. It was the cause of a special poison gas. The gas was created by Doctor S before she tragically died."

"You mean Setsuna?"

"Me?" Setsuna asked.

"No, not you." Lockon corrected him. "The best friend of Sekai Saionji, Setsuna Kiyoura." He said and he notices the mysterious magical girl reacting when he said Sekai's name.

"So you mean that fog was the poison gas?"

"Correct."

"Wow…uh wait a minute…how come we didn't get affected?" Saji asked.

"Because you guys are the main characters." She answered.

"Huh? I don't get it."

"Didn't you play Resident Evil? I mean no matter how many times the character gets bitten he doesn't turn to one of the undead." Char tells him.

"Oh…okay…I get it now."

"Before I leave…I must tell you this." She said. "Kotonoha Katsura isn't your enemy. It is something more evil and despicable. I suggest you continue your quest for the magical orbs. I will be watching from the shadows and will help you if necessary." She said and she suddenly disappears in a puff of smoke.

"Huh…" George muttered. "We're on a magical quest to save Saji's girlfriend, we get attack by zombies and a mysterious magical girl aides us from the shadows. This is Goddamn retarded."

"Hey nobody is forcing you, Frenchie." Shinn snipes.

"I like it." Char said smiling. "It's so classical…romantic…epic. Filled with epic emotions."

"What is so Goddamned romantic about being raped by a group of perverted zombies that comes from a second rate mahou shoujo spin-off of an H game that most people find…uh…I can't say crappy…bah! Whatever. Let's go to Amuro's and be done with it."

"Yes…the fog is gone now, so onward we go." Saji said cheerfully.

* * *

**LOCKON'S BAR**

Monsha and Ramba Ral are having a drink on the bar. Laura is sitting next to Monsha while his arm is around his shoulders. "Tieria, why are looking so glum?" He asked.

"Because we got looted and my business partner is missing."

"Well…shit happens, kiddo." Ramba laughed heartily and finishes his beer in one gulp. "Ahhh…that was so refreshing. The elixir of the gods."

Heine Westenfluss comes in and Ramba gets surprised. "What the hell are you doing here, fat boy?" Heine asked Ramba.

"You!" Ramba said and he stands up. "You stole my line, asshole."

"It was homage! Homage!"

"Homage my ass, bitch!" He said and they have brawl all over the bar.

"At least my death in SEED Destiny was tragic and epic!" Heine said while pulling Ramba's hair.

"Being killed by a Four Murasame rip-off after only two episodes isn't tragic, prick!"

"Well at least I appeared in the opening, unlike you!"

"Because your seiyu was the singer of the first opening, moron!" He slugs him.

"Now it's getting lively." Monsha laughed "Say toots, how about we go to my place after we're done in this dump." He said to Laura and she giggles.

"Damn you Lockon!" Tieria cried in despair. "Where the hell are you?"


	5. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM

Note: Some of the stuff in this fanfic may offend you. It's lowbrow and quite random; it also deals with some sensitive stuff like incest and lolicons. There are also a few Gundam jokes that some of you won't get.

**CHAPTER 4**

**LOCKON'S BAR**

**6:10 A.M. **

Tieria Erde is busy sweeping the floor of the bar. The whole place is a mess; the windows are broken, chairs sprawled all over the place, graffiti on the walls and a few of the expensive wine bottles are stolen or missing. Tieria sighs heavily and puts the broom back at the drawer. He sits behind the bar and pours himself some bourbon. He still keeps sighing after a few shots. The chime above the door rings while somebody enters the bar. Allelujah Haptism walks on the middle of the bar, his mouth gaping wide open as he looks around his surroundings. "What the hell happened here?" He asked.

"I had a busy night." Tieria answered and takes another shot of bourbon.

"Busy? This place is a mess."

"Had a few scuffles last night, Ramba and Heine started it, then a couple of Union mobile suit pilots and some Federation soldiers had a big brawl over a game of chess. Then some guys at OZ came in and acted all flimsy and noble-like, that made things worse. Oh and the place was looted when I opened up because Lockon left the door open."

"Uh…what about him?" Allelujah pointed to a crying Bernard Monsha. His face is buried on the bar and sobbing uncontrollably.

"Oh…him…he found out his date is actually a man."

"That's gotta suck, anyway where's Lockon?"

"That's what I want to know." Tieria angrily said and slams his fist on the bar. "That bastard left me to deal with this crap. I bet he's somewhere with some girl and goofing off."

* * *

**ELSEWHERE**

"So…uh…are you sure this is the right tool for this situation?" Lockon asked Shinn while waving a chainsaw. The group was suddenly ambushed and cornered by another group of perverted zombies on the way to Amuro Ray's house. "I mean these are innocent people after all. They only got brainwashed by some strange gas…shouldn't we just…you know, subdue them or something?" He said while watching Saji and the others effortlessly fight off the incoming ero-zombies.

"Aw this isn't the time to be soft man, just turn that sucker on and watch the body parts fly. You can start with that nun over there." He said while pointing to an ero-zombie nun who's busy…uh…attacking Saji.

"I can't do this! I can't do this! I can't do this!" Lockon repeatedly said, like some sort of weird chant. Suddenly, numerous beam shots hits the zombies and turns them back to normal.

"Que diable?!" George de Sand exclaimed. "Where did those beam shots came from?" Suddenly, the legendary Nu Gundam appears above the sky. The mobile suit holsters its beam rifle and slowly lands on the ground.

Saji pushes the very confused and now normal nun on top of him away and stands up. "Is that…?"

"Oh it's definitely him." Char said and he gritted his teeth in irritation. "That son of a…"

The Gundam's cockpit hatch opens and Amuro Ray himself comes out. He's wearing a Londo Bell uniform and several medals are pinned on his chest. He takes off his cool looking sunglasses and flashes a smile. Char rolls his eyes while the now normal people who were ero-zombies a while ago cheer his name. "Thank you! Thank for you cheering for me. I was merely doing my job as a Gundam protagonist. Thanks to my very awesome Newtype powers and my very awesome Gundam, I managed to come here quickly and save you people."

"Come to think of it, how the heck did he change these people back to normal? Wouldn't a beam shot from a beam rifle be fatal?" Saji whispered to Char.

"Does someone doubt me?" He yelled and points to Saji. "You there, are you questioning my abilities? You're wondering how I changed these people back to normal with my beam shots."

"Yeah…k-kinda." He answered. "I'm also wondering how you heard me."

"I'm Amuro Freaking Ray! The first Gundam protagonist. The kid who went inside a Gundam and got involved in a very tragic war. I'm someone that Kira Yamato tried to imitate yet failed miserably. I got awesome Newtype powers, and I used this awesome power to turn these poor people back to normal. It's like my midichlorian count is off the charts, and with that I managed to do something awesome like using the beam rifle of my Gundam to help these people rather than kill them."

"But Mr. Amuro, the midichlorians ruined the Star Wars mythos. It made the Force less religiously or something." One of the ex-zombies said.

"See!" He said and spreads his arms. "That's why I'm awesome. I made midichlorians awesome. Remember this day! The day when Amuro Ray made midichlorians awesome." He said and the crowd cheered.

"Uh…he sure is full of himself." Saji said with a disgusted look on his face.

"Damn, I wish I made midichlorians awesome." Char said.

"Anyway…the great Amuro must depart, so he can do great things like making CGI shorts of me piloting a Zeta Gundam so we can release a figure of it, then release another version with different color scheme…or different windshield or something…or retcon a storyline so…uh…you get the idea."

"Amuro-san, please wait!" Saji shouted before he could go inside the cockpit of his Gundam. "Please, I really need your help."

"You…the boy who doubted me…and is that Char Aznable with you?"

"Yes it's me, you bastard!" Char said and he shakes his fist at him. "Char Aznable, your long time rival."

"Kid, you should stay away from him or something, or else he's going to fondle your little sister."

"Goddammit!" He cursed loudly. "Stop with the lolicon jokes. It's funny the first time but it gets stupid easily. Oh look a grown man perving on a little girl, oh that's good primo comedy material."

"Well the fact that you have Puru clones cosplaying as Haman in your place and doing nasty stuff doesn't help your argument." Shinn said.

"Anyway, please Amuro-san, I need your help." Saji pleaded.

"Since I'm an awesome Gundam protagonist that a lot of people try to imitate, I shall listen to your problem. What is your name, boy?"

"Saji Crossroad."

"And what seems to be the problem?"

"I need the magical orb you possess, the one that can raise dead people." Saji said. "I need it so I can save my older sister, girlfriend and her mother."

"Hmmm…" Amuro thinks for a moment and then he snaps his fingers. "Okay then, let's go to my place. You can come too, Char."

"Oh bite me."

* * *

**AMURO'S RESIDENCE**

The Nu Gundam lands in front of the house and Amuro comes out from the cockpit. He pulls out a remote and turns on the Gundam's security alarm. The mobile suit's eyes flashes and slowly deactivates its engine. Saji and the others jump off from the Gundam's hand. An elderly butler comes out from the house to greet them.

"I see we have some guests today." The butler said.

"Sebastian, prepare some refreshments." He ordered and the butler nods.

"Wow, this is a cool looking house." Shinn said in awe while looking at Amuro's four-story house. It has a very nice wide balcony on the second floor, a swimming pool and a hedge maze. There's also a bronze statue of the RX-78 Gundam placed on the middle of the garden. In the garage, several fancy looking sports car and motorcycles are lined up.

"It's just what you expect from the franchise's first protagonist." George said smiling. "Monsieur Amuro is a big celebrity."

"Come inside and make yourselves at home." He invited. "And Char, just what the hell are you doing?"

"What do you think, numb nuts? He said while peeing on a patch of roses on the garden.

"Oh this is just mature, Char." Lockon said while shaking his head.

"Oh…are you…uh…" Amuro murmured when he noticed Setsuna F. Sein. "Are you the latest Gundam protagonist?"

"Yes." He replied.

"Oh…then it's an honor to finally meet you." He said and he offers his hand. Setsuna takes it and they shake. "Here's an advice, kiddo: You will never be awesome like me."

"…"

"I like you already." He said laughing. "I always invite the new Gundam protagonist to my house every time there's a new series. Be it UC or alternate universe. I remember Kira Yamato coming here a few years ago, he's quite an extremely whiny fellow. Boohoo, Coordinators and Naturals fighting. My best friend hates me and we're fighting. Oh I wanna protect my friends, oh that Fllay chick is so…"

"Amuro-san…" Saji interrupts. "The magical orb please."

"Oh I'm sorry." He apologized. "Come in please." He then opens the entrance.

"God, now I have this urge to punch this guy." Lockon said.

"Oh now you know I how feel." Char whispered to him.

"Wait a minute…he invites Gundam protagonists every time there's a new show?" Shinn said. "How come I wasn't invited when Destiny aired?"

"Who knows."

"Oh c'mon that ain't funny, man. So I'm not being acknowledged as a Gundam protagonist? Oh that is just great. Just frigging great."

* * *

**ON A VERY NICE BOAT…**

Kotonoha Katsura is lying face down on a bed. A white blanket is covering her naked body while a large burly man is massaging her back. She moans softly as the man slowly does his work. The two thugs guarding the door blushes thanks to her moaning. They look at each other and sigh. Suddenly, another thug burst through the door. He kneels on the floor while catching his breath.

"What is it?" She asked in an icy tone.

"Forgive my sudden intrusion, boss." The thug said still panting. "But I have some bad news."

"That Saji boy is not coming is he?"

"Something like that…it seems he and a couple of other people are looking for some magical orbs."

"Magical orbs? What kind of orbs?"

"I don't know, boss."

"Tch…I guess it can't be helped then. Go get that mercenary and bring Saji here."

"What about the others?"

"Do whatever you like with them."

"Understood." He said and leaves the room.

"Geez, this is really annoying." She said in irritation.

"Koto-chan!" Louise suddenly said as she pokes her head out from the doorway. "Can we use the Jacuzzi?"

"Sure…whatever." She replied.

"Thank you!" She said cheerfully.

"This is really annoying."

* * *

**CITY PARK**

**5:10 P.M. **

Christina Sierra and Felt Grace are sitting on a bench, staring at the large fountain on the middle of the park while drinking some juice. "Where could he have gone to?" She said as she throws her empty paper cup on the trash can beside the bench. "I'm starting to get worried here."

"His crazy sister probably took him somewhere." Felt said. "You know how crazy she is."

"But his apartment is trashed."

"And…?"

"Well…uh…don't you think that's a bit suspicious?"

"Based on the craziness we see every time we stalk him, I'm sure there's nothing to worry about."

"I dunno…I have a bad feeling about this. Wait a minute…did you say stalk?"

"Yes."

"I wasn't stalking him. I was merely gathering information on my rivals so I can find a way to win his heart."

"Well…you could start by talking to him."

"I can't!" She said blushing and shakes her head while her hands are covering her face. "I can't! I can't I can't!" She keeps repeating.

"Oh boy…" Felt said and lets out a heavy sigh.

Chris' watch suddenly starts beeping. She looks at it and her eyes go wide. "Oh crap!"

"What?"

"Astray Genesis is starting!" She replied and grabs her bag. "That is like my favorite show. Sorry Felt, but I gotta run." She then run towards the park exit and hops on her scooter. Felt stood up and throws her cup on the trash can. She sighs again and walks away. As she nears the exit, she looks up on the sky and sees a squadron of Union Flags flying past the park.

After five minutes, Tieria appears while holding two large paper bags. He's accompanied by Allelujah Haptism, who's holding another paper bag. "I'm going to rest for a while here." Tieria said and sits on the same bench Chris and Felt where on a few minutes ago. "Goddammit, this is supposed to be Lockon's job." He complained.

"Maybe you should cut him some slack." Allelujah said while smiling nervously.

"I give him enough slack. The thing about Lockon is that he always takes you for granted. He's not being appreciative here."

"You know Lockon can be carefree sometimes."

"Geez!" Tieria said and scratches his hair in frustration. "Let's go. I need to open up the bar." He grabs the two paper bags and starts walking. Allelujah just chuckles nervously while following him.

Another five minutes passes by and Lunamaria Hawke runs towards the bench and sits down. She slams her fist on the bench and started spouting obscenities. She's still dressed up like Mayu Asuka. "Where the fudge are you, Shinn Asuka? You big idiot!"

"Onee-san!" Meyrin called out as she catches up with her sister. She sits next to her. "Geez, I told you to wait up."

"This is pissing me off!" Luna screamed at the top of her lungs. "He didn't go home, that bastard. I was handcuffed on the bed for the whole night."

"Uh…why are you handcuffed on the bed, Onee-san?" Meyrin asked while a big sweat drop appears on her head.

"Shinn thinks it's naughty when I…"

"Okay stop!" Meyrin said as she covers her mouth. "I don't wanna know."

"I try to be a good girl friend for him but this is what I get! I mean I dressed up like his dead sister and call him Onii-chan for fudge's sake."

"Oh yeah…about that…don't you think that's a bit disturbing?"

"Shinn!" She screamed and runs towards the exit.

"Damn, she didn't answer me." Meyrin said. She stands up and stretches, after a while she also then leaves the park.

* * *

**AMURO'S RESIDENCE **

**7:45 P.M. **

"Yeah…thick crust…oh and bread sticks." Char said while talking on the phone. After a while he hangs up and sits on the couch along with the others.

"Pizza Hut again?" Saji asked.

"Yup." He nods. "Char the Man supports the rebellion. Down with Brittania."

"Oh, oh, I got one of those C.C. plushie dolls they were giving away last month." Shinn said. "China dress C.C. kicks major amounts of moe ass."

"Maid C.C. isn't bad either." Lockon added as he drinks a cup of tea that was served by Sebastian a while ago.

"Nah, the limited sailor fuku school uniform is the best one." Saji said. "I love the way they made her eyes. It's alluring and totally erotic."

"Pffffft…it's obvious the loli C.C. in kindergarten uniform is the best one. Every time I play with the skirt, it sends chills to my spine. I totally dig it."

"Uh…how do you exactly play with the skirt?" Lockon asked.

"You know…flipping it and making "Kyaah!" noises." He answered with a grin on his face. "It's good when you're like tired and wanna let off some steam."

"Okay…" George suddenly said. "Let me interrupt your disturbing conversation for a while, so who's going to pay for the pizzas?"

"Of course, it's the host who's going to pay. No way in hell I'm paying for those." Char said.

"Being petty and childish as always, Char." Amuro said as he comes out from his study. He tosses the magical orb at Saji and he catches it.

"Thank you." He said. "Now we only need to find the last one."

"This adventure of yours intrigues me, Saji-kun." Amuro said and he sits on the recliner in front of the couch. "It intrigues me so much that I wanna take part in it. Please let me join you."

"Whoa there, buddy." Char said and he stands up. "Uh-uh. You ain't coming, Amuro."

"And why not?"

"Because I don't like you."

"But Char-san, we could use his help." Saji said.

"Oh c'mon, why do we need his help?"

"Because I'm awesome."

"Fair enough." Lockon nods in agreement.

"Aw hell no…hell no!"

"Amuro, where did you put my pants?" Sayla Mass asked as she suddenly appears out of nowhere and is only wearing a towel. Her whole body is dripping wet since she just got out from the shower. "Oh, I didn't realize we have company."

"Helloooooo fan service." Shinn said and whistled.

"Artesia!?" Char cried out in shock.

"C-Casval!?"

"What're you doing here, Artesia?" He asked in a stern voice.

"I can see whoever I want, Casval."

"Yes you can…but not Amuro."

"Why not?"

"Because he's my sworn enemy and rival!"

"You don't control me, Casval."

"What did you do to my baby sister?" Char asked while pointing at Amuro.

"Oh a lot of things." Amuro said with a smile. "Having Newtype powers sure is awesome. You can use naughty toys. Kinda like how you use funnels for multiple attacks, it makes se..."

"You bastard!" Char cried out and jumps at Amuro. They both have a fist fight on the floor while Saji and the others look on. Shinn yawns and goes to the kitchen.

"I'll kill you! I'll kill you! How dare you defile my sister's flower!" Char said and pulls Amuro's hair.

"No hair pulling, asshole. The curlies are the one getting the ladies."

"I'll rip your fudging head off and I'm going to take a crap on the bloody stump on your neck."

"Oh that's just beautiful." Amuro then kicks Char on the nuts.

"Will you two stop fighting!" Sayla cried out.

"Uh…we already got the magical orb, maybe we should leave." Saji said.

"I agree." George said.

"What about pizza?" Lockon said. "C'mon…free food."

"Wait…I'm coming with you guys!" Amuro said and pushes Char away. "I know where the last magical orb is."

"Really?"

"Yes, the last magical orb is on…"

KA-BLAM!!

"What in the blue fudge is that?" Shinn asked, running from the kitchen. The house started shaking violently and a mobile suit's hand crashes through the wall.

_"Hehehe…I finally found ya." _

"I know that voice!" Setsuna said as he stands up. His face is serious.

The mobile suit removes the roof and everyone saw who their enemy is. It was the GNW-002 Gundam Throne Zwei, piloted by none other than the sadistic and warmongering mercenary, Ali Al Sarshes. _"A little crazy girly is going to pay me some good cash if I bring you to her."_ Ali said through the speaker and points to Saji.

"Oh crap." Saji muttered.

"Aw my house!" Amuro cried out. "You're totally messing my awesome house."

"Ali Al Sarshes…" Setsuna muttered softly while he gritted his teeth in anger. _"The man who destroyed my life."_

"I am so sensing some angry vibes on you, man." Shinn tells Setsuna.

"The pizza's here!" Somebody cried out from the front entrance and he keeps ringing the doorbell. "Hello. Anybody ordered pizza? C'mon we need some war funds against our fight with the Brittanian Empire."

"That was fast." Char said.


	6. Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM

Note: Some of the lowbrow humor in this fanfic may offend you, since it pokes fun of incest and lolicons. There are also a few Gundam jokes that some of you won't get.

**CHAPTER 5**

**AMURO'S RESIDENCE**

**8:00 P.M. **

Last time we saw Saji and company, they were enjoying their stay at Amuro Ray's house when Ali Al Sarshes, now employed by our favorite yandere, suddenly attacks the place with the intention of kidnapping Saji and killing the others. The GNW-002 Gundam Throne Zwei wrecks the house while they helplessly watch. Oh and the pizza they ordered from Pizza Hut (Now owned by the Order of the Black Knights and with C.C. as the new CEO) arrived at the same time the mercenary attacks.

"Okay…does anybody have a plan or something?" Shinn Asuka asked while the Gundam Throne Zwei is pulling out its large GN Buster Sword.

"Running the fudge outta here would be a good start." George said.

"Amuro-san, do something!" Lockon said as he turns around to his direction but he and Sayla Mass are now long gone. "Aw Goddammit." He said while rubbing his temples and shaking his head in disbelief.

"Hey…Setsuna is gone too!"

"Oh merde." George groaned. "That's two Gundam pilots who bugged out on us."

"Hey…didn't Sayla also pilot the RX-78? So that means three Gundam pilots bugged out on us." Shinn said.

"That's not the issue here, dumbass!"

"Heeeeeello?" The Order of the Black Knights member called out outside the front gate as he repeatedly pushes the doorbell button. "Look man, playing a prank with us ain't cool. C'mon Goddammit, I got other pizzas to deliver!"

"Listen to us!" Char yelled while spreading his arms. "Were whining like a bunch of bitches. Heck, why don't we go to a corner and join Kira Yamato for a cry fest while we're at it."

"God, I hate that guy." Shinn said while gnashing his teeth in irritation. "He thinks he's a big shot or something. Oh look at me; I'm shooting targets without killing them with my god-like beam spamming powers and I'm like always right and everything. Then I'll let Lacus be the queen of the universe and when everyone's attention is diverted we'll execute Order 66 and kill all the Jedis and shit."

"…"

"What?"

"Christ, Shinn, you got like issues or something."

"No shit, Sherlock. Of course I got issues. I saw my family got splated right in front of me, I'm always angry and rash and some whiny prick with Jesus-like powers stole the spotlight from me."

"Maybe we should have a little "get together" at my place when this mess is over. I'll have my Puru clones dress up in cute maid outfits and they'll serve beer and nachos. Have a nice serious talk about all the shit we all been dealing with." Char proposed.

"That sounds like a nice plan." Lockon said in agreement.

"Ouais, I like that idea." George added.

"Uh…guys." Saji suddenly interrupts them. The Gundam has already gotten a hold of him with its hand. He desperately struggles to get away but to no avail.

_"You pansies done with your touchy-feelings talk?" _Ali laughed through the mobile suit's speakers. _"Man, that was the gayest thing I've ever seen, and you call yourselves Gundam pilots." _

"Guys, help me!" Saji cried out.

_"Quit yer bitching Saji Crossroad-kun. If you think about it, the whole deal with Katsura-san ain't bad. Well…just don't pick the wrong choices and you won't end dead on a beach with a kitchen knife sticking on your ass or something." _

"Well…not all the violent bad endings in School Days involve the male protagonist ending up six feet under." Lockon explained.

_"Pffft…all that messed up crap you see in that series is enough to send this poor mook to a rubber room in the funny farm." _

"I think you're exaggerating." Shinn said. "All that hype and what-not…I mean sure it got the main dude stabbed to death and bleeding all over like a broken bottle of ketchup or that Sekai chick getting her neck sliced off with a buzzsaw. What I'm saying is if you compare it to the other extreme stuff…it's actually pretty tame. It just all that teenage drama crap with extra boobies, ass taping and the anime made the series infamous."

"…"

"Well…?"

_"This conversation is getting pointless. Anyway since I already achieved my first objective, I'm gonna kill you guys." _

"Not so fast, you fiend!" Somebody suddenly yelled.

"Holy crap!"

The RX-78 Gundam suddenly appears accompanied by the Exia Gundam. Both of them lands in front of the Throne Zwei while posing heroically. The Exia readies its GN Blade while the RX-78 pulls out its beam rifle. "I, the ever awesome Amuro Ray won't let a cretin like you lay a finger on my awesome friends, except for Char; you can do whatever the hell you want with him."

"Oh that's just damn mature, afro boy." Char cried out.

"You know…the pizza is getting cold." The Order of the Black Knights guy called out from the front gate. "Just pay me and I'll leave."

"Eh? Sure I don't mind if you guys-

"Trans-ams!" Setsuna yelled before Ali could finish talking and the Exia turns red. In matter of seconds it trashes the Zwei and Saji safely falls to the ground, miraculously unharmed.

"What the hell happened?" Ali said confused, he notices Saji is gone from his grip. "Hey…what gives?"

"Setsuna!" Amuro cried out his name and the RX-78 Gundam jumps in the air. "The GN Drive! Give it to me!"

"Roger." He disengages the solar furnace. Amuro synchronizes with it and the drive successfully attaches with the Gundam's back, powering the suit with GN particles. Amuro smiled as the Gundam's eyes flashes ever more brightly than before. The others, while at awe, wonders how the GN Drive was compatible with the RX-78 but that's another story.

"Holy shit!" Shinn said in excitement. "That was frigging awesome!" He said while watching the RX-78 posing in various heroic positions.

"This is kinda symbolic." Lockon said. "Amuro Ray is the first Gundam protagonist and Setsuna is the latest. It's like a fusion of old school and new school, enough to make a Gundam otaku wet his pants while joyously howling in an orgasmic manner."

"Orgasmic what now?"

"Sayla!!" Amuro screamed.

"Hai?" She said while her head pops out below the Gundam's control panel inside the RX-78's cockpit.

"I need your help. I want you to give me enough power to defeat this asshole."

"You can count on me, Amuro!" She dives to Amuro's crotch and we could hear his pants being unzipped. After a few seconds, his expression changes. His cheeks start blushing and he's sweating profusely. He then groans with pleasure and his grip on the maneuver stick tightens.

Since he can't see what the fudge is going inside the RX-78's cockpit, Char is just standing there looking confused. "What did he mean by giving enough power?"

"Beats me." Shinn shrugged.

"I can feel it! I can feeeeeel it!" Amuro said. "It's cooooooooming!" The Gundam suddenly started glowing. "The power…the power is inside me! I can see life all around…such pretty lights. With this…I can break you, fiend!" The RX-78 glows more brightly and started to move faster than before. The power Sayla…uh…gave rejuvenated the Gundam's engine, making it even more powerful. The situation becomes intense as Amuro charges at Ali, everyone stood there with their hearts racing. The pure old school epic-ness is making everyone's hair stand. Koh Ikeda suddenly appears out of nowhere and pulls out a mic. He then starts singing _"Tobe! Gundam!" _

"You know…I could have attacked or something while all that combining, posing and glowing was happening." Ali said with regret as the Gundam tackles his Throne Zwei. After a whole minute of pure mecha ass-kicking, Ali Al Sarshes escapes by jumping out of the cockpit. "I won't forget this, assholes!" He said while shaking his fist in anger. "You'll get it soon, Kurdish brat!" He yelled as he points to the Exia. He then sets his sights to Lockon. "Oh and I'm responsible for your family's death!"

"Wait…what!?"

"Dude, I can so relate." Shinn said and puts his hand on Lockon's shoulder.

"That's not funny, man!" Lockon said and his face is red with anger.

"Drop dead, ya freaks!" Ali laughed while flipping them the bird.

"I'll kill youuuuuu!" Lockon yelled while Shinn and George are restraining him.

"Oh you don't have the _cojones_ to do it. Come here and-

BOOM! Ali suddenly explodes to bloody bits. Burned body parts rained all over the pavement. His burning head hits George and knocks him out. Everyone look at each other, wondering what the hell just happened. A Type-10R Burai comes marching in. A smoking customized rocket launcher is on the Knightmare Frame's left hand. Behind the cockpit is the logo of Pizza Hut and underneath it is a drawing of a chibi C.C. holding a pizza and doing the V sign while winking. "Holy shit." Shinn cursed under his breath while the Burai stops in its tracks. The hatch opens and the pilot jumps out, holding a box of pizza.

"Okay…for the last time, who ordered pizza?" He asked in a stern voice.

"M-Me…" Char said while raising his hand.

"Okay here's your bill." The pizza guy said and Char points to the RX-78.

"Put it in my tab." Amuro sighed.

The pizza guy hands the pizza box to Char. He then pulls out a small paper and browses over it. "Okay…Mr. Aznable…it seems you're the winner in our monthly raffle."

"Oh oh oh…what did I win?"

"Let's see…hmmm…a limited edition C.C. school swimsuit plushie doll and a free Order of the Black Knights reinforcement squad led by none other than our leader himself. It's pretty useful in case you're fighting a full scale battle or you just wanna overkill some poor mook. Anyhow…thank you for your patronage and always support the rebellion by buying our products. Next month, we're going to release the naughty C.C. covered in mozzarella cheese plushie doll." He then climbs back to his Burai, he smiles at them before dashing away to deliver more pizzas.

"So…uh…pizza anyone?" Char asked everyone.

"Man this sucks…that pizza guy robbed me of my vengeance." Lockon grumbled and he kicks Ali's badly burned dismembered head. "Might as well keep this as a trophy." He then picks up the head.

"Oh that's just sick man." Shinn said with a disgusted look on his face. "You're gonna bring that…head with you?"

"I'm also bringing Makoto's head with me but I don't hear you complaining."

"Oh son of a…" Shinn then goes to a corner to hurl.

"Oh fine, you pansy." Lockon then throws Ali's head away. "But we're keeping this one since we're trying to resurrect Kotonoha's friends, so that means this little bugger right here is pretty darn important." He said while waving Makoto's head, making everybody sick.

* * *

**MEANWHILE…**

**ON A VERY NICE BOAT**

Kotonoha Katsura is having tea on the outside deck, enjoying the cool night breeze under the bright moonlight. She turns her attention to the city near the harbor and admires the lights. To her, they were like the stars, forever twinkling above the sky and it made her feel at ease for some reason. Her prisoners…or guests…are sleeping peacefully on their furnished rooms, specifically prepared to suit their taste. Suddenly, she could hear loud footsteps coming from the cabin and she immediately concluded that the mercenary she hired had failed. "Boss." One of her henchmen called out to her as he violently opens the cabin doors. "I got some bad news, Ali Al Sarshes had failed! He's dead, boss…blown to itty bitty bits by some pizza guy."

"Come here."

"Eh…?"

"Come here." She repeated in a stern voice.

"Y-Yes ma'am." He said and slowly approaches her.

"IDIOT!" She screamed and kicks the guy right on the family jewels. "Don't interrupt me when I'm enjoying my tea. Show some courtesy, you retarded ape."

"I'm sorry, boss." The thug tearfully whined, crouching on the floor and holding his crotch.

She then pours the hot liquid from her cup over the guy's head. The thug whimpers loudly as the steaming tea burns his skin. Katsura then throws the empty tea cup to the ocean and kicks the guy on the chin. She then plants her foot on the guy's crotch while laughing evilly. "Give me your cell phone." She ordered. "I'm going to call someone more evil than that useless mercenary."

"Y-Y-Yes ma'am." The thug then searches his coat with shaking hands.

"Hurry it up, you insignificant piece of crap." She growled with an impatient tone.

"H-Here." He hands the phone to her and she quickly takes it from his shaking hand.

She proceeds to dial the number while she applies more pressure to the poor man's crotch. "Hello, Mitsuo Fukuda, yeah it's me. I got a problem that needs solving. I'm sure you're feeling grateful after that whole incident with those extreme UC elitist fan boys. If it weren't for me, I'm sure you'd still be crying on some alley with an MG Zeta Gundam shoved up your ass. I'll send you the details later; it's up to you on how to deal with this problem. Oh and while you're at it, I need you to miraculously resurrect this mercenary for me. I don't care if he's wearing a crappy mask and suffering from amnesia, just do it. I still think that jackass is still useful; again I'll send the details on that one later. Send my regards to the wife." She hangs up and tosses the phone away. _"You're making things difficult, Saji my darling."_

* * *

**THE NEXT DAY**

**AMURO'S RESIDENCE**

**9:45 A.M. **

"Sanc Kingdom?" Saji said in surprised. All of them are standing on Amuro's front lawn, preparing to depart. The butler Sebastian is preparing Amuro's luggage while Sayla is cooking them lunch, in case they get hungry on the road.

"Yup." Amuro nodded. "The last of the magical orbs is in Sanc Kingdom…well that's what the rumor says anyway."

"Hey isn't that the place where Relena what's her name is?" Lockon asked.

"Yes. Very sweet girl. I admire her determination and her message of total pacifism." George said smiling.

"Oh pooey…Sanc is just like ORB, except more European." Shinn said. "They spout all that pacifism crap and stay neutral like ORB."

"Didn't Miss Peacecraft's ideals proved to be popular?" Saji asked.

"Well yes." Char replied. "Heck her book about Pacifism outsold my book."

"You wrote a book?" Amuro asked him with disbelief. "What…Ephebophilia 101?"

"No numb nuts, it's about how Newtypes is the next step in human evolution." He replied sharply. "Well I do have Quess wearing this nice two-piece on the cover. Oh if you pre-ordered you get the naughty version."

"Anyway, how do we get to Sanc Kingdom?" Saji asked.

"Hey aren't the maintenance on the Nightingale should be done by now?"

"Uh…yeah…about that." Char laughed nervously. "You see the Purus back home called me last night and they said they kinda hit a snag so…uh…we won't be using the Nightingale."

"Is there some sort of problem?"

"I dunno…they weren't very specific. You know I'm not good with all that mobile suit technical mumbo jumbo."

**CHAR'S RESIDENCE**

The Nightingale crashes on the front lawn, the cockpit hatch opens and four topless Puru Clones jump out accompanied by Roybea Loy from Gundam X. All of them are drunk and they dance around the grassy lawn while laughing like a bunch of idiots.

**BACK TO AMURO'S PLACE**

"Oh that's just beautiful."

"What about the White Base, Amuro?" Shinn asked.

"Bright's hellion of a son stole it." He answered. "He said that he would be using it for some anti-federation group, but I bet that moron is just joy riding around Side 6 again."

"Kids these days." Lockon chuckled.

"Let's just use one of my Gundams." Amuro said. "Besides, I got a map."

"Sounds good to me." Saji said.

* * *

**SEVERAL HOURS LATER…**

**LACROA**

"Are you sure we're in the right place?" Shinn asked while looking at a very beautiful palace in front of them. The whole area looks like medieval Europe, which kinda bothered him.

"Well according to the map we should be in the Sanc Kingdom." Amuro said while studying the map.

"This place is giving me the warm fuzzies." Saji said while smiling. "Really warm fuzzies."

"Aw crap."

"What?"

"I was reading the map upside down the whole time." Amuro said and he laughs. George groaned with disappointment and disbelief.

"Well ain't that a bitch." Shinn said.

**THE NEXT DAY…**

**8:23 P.M.**

**THE SANC KINGDOM**

The Nu Gundam lands into town, Saji and the others are on the Gundam's hand while Amuro is inside the cockpit. They park the mobile suit behind a large building and they disembark. "Finally we're here." Char said in relief. "But that Lacroa place wasn't so bad."

"Yeah, it was hilarious when I pushed down George into the Dark Hole." Shinn chuckled.

"It was not a pleasant experience, Shinn."

"See…that's what makes it hilarious."

"So since we're here now, how we gonna find that magical orb?" Saji asked while looking around the place.

"Maybe we should ask around." Lockon said. "And the best place to ask is the town bar."

"Cool. I need alcohol anyway." Shinn said and they started moving.

**THE TOWN BAR**

The gang enters the establishment only to find a platoon of rowdy OZ soldiers drinking merrily. "Oh boy…drunken soldiers. I have a bad feeling about this." Saji murmured. A large hairy hand lands on his shoulder and he turns around to see a big hulking waiter.

"Sorry kiddo, no minors allowed." The waiter said.

"Oh I'm not here to drink." He chuckled nervously. "We're here to ask around."

"Ask around?"

"You see, my good man, we're looking for a mysterious magical orb that has the power to bring the dead back to life." Char told the waiter. Upon mentioning about the orb, the soldiers stop drinking and they all look at the group. Lockon gulped and he slowly backs away.

"Aw shit in a dipstick." Shinn said as he starts to panic. "This ain't looking too good. I'm sensing bar brawl and I'm not too good with bar brawls."

"So you're looking for this magical orb, eh?" A high ranking OZ officer stood up asking. "May I ask why?"

"Oh crap here it goes." Shinn said and he starts shaking uncontrollably.

"Se taire, Shinn." George snapped. "Just relax."

"How can you expect me to relax? C'mon! Open yer damn eyes, Frenchie. Rowdy drunken soldiers plus suspicious looking individuals equals bar brawl."

"Please…why are you looking for a magical orb?" The officer asked again.

"Well…it's kinda a long story, sir." Saji said nervously.

"A long story? We're all good and drunk here; we don't mind a long story. In fact we'd like to hear a long story, right guys?"

"Yeah!" They cheered. Saji laughs nervously and explains the situation to them. Shinn on the other hand is starting to get really really really nervous.

"Oh that's just a quite a pickle, kid." The officer said.

"Yeah you could say that again."

"Well kid…I only heard this from the general but it seems Miss Relena has this magical orb you speak of." He said while taking a few steps toward Saji.

Shinn hits the officer with a chair and breaks a beer glass. He waves the broken glass around with a crazed look on his face. "Alright, ya OZ assholes! You wanna fight, well here's a fight. I'm gonna take the initiative here…oh yesiree…you won't be getting us with our pants down on the floor, bitches!"

"Oh you moron." Char said shaking his head.

"Lieutenant!" The soldiers cried and approached the knocked out officer. "Bastards, how dare you do this to our lieutenant!?"

"Oh please don't use the plural there, buddy. It's obviously bastard…since Shinn is the only one who hit him. Don't drag us into this, man."

"BRING IT ON!!" Shinn screamed and he pounces on the nearest OZ soldier. In a matter of seconds it was a full blown bar brawl. "The Leos are nothing but stock footage cannon fodder bitches!" He yelled while throttling one soldier.

**TWO HOURS LATER…**

**TOWN JAIL**

"Well at least we know where to find the orb now." Amuro said. Everyone is badly beaten and they're now spending the night in jail.

"I knew going to the town bar was a bad idea. Obi-wan said it best; you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."

"Shut up." Saji said and he repeatedly bangs his head on the wall.

A guard suddenly appears and he opens the cell. "You assholes are free to go now. Somebody bailed you out."

"Who?" Lockon asked.

"Somebody really important."

"And that would be me." It was none other than Relena Peacecraft herself.


	7. Chapter 6

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM

Warning: Some of the lowbrow humor in this fanfic may offend you, since it pokes fun of incest and lolicons. There are also a few Gundam jokes that some of you won't get.

**CHAPTER 6**

**SANC KINGDOM **

**PEACECRAFT HOUSEHOLD **

**9: 45 P.M. **

"I see." Relena Peacecraft said after listening to Saji's story. The two of them are inside her office while the others are waiting on the first floor lobby. "And you need this magical orb to resurrect this Kotonoha Katsura girl's friends and ex-boy toy?" She asked and Saji nods. "Is negotiation is out of the question?" He nods again. "Oh dear…that is indeed troubling. I surely do pity you, Crossroad-san."

"So will you help me then?"

"I'm so sorry but I sold the magical orb for some photographs that I was interested in a few weeks ago."

"What?"

"I'm so sorry, Crossroad-san." She smiled apologetically.

"Damn it, what should I do? How can I save Nee-san and Louise now?"

"Well…I mean I didn't know that thing was valuable. I don't know what to do with it and it was only gathering dust in the attic, so I might as well get rid of it."

"It's weird…why would you would sell something like a really valuable looking piece of artifact for a couple of photographs? Are these rare photos of a really important person? Like a signed framed picture of Zeon Zum Daikum…or that extremely hard to find picture of Master Asia kicking the ever holy crap out of a mobile suit using only his underwear."

"Uh…err…well it's nothing like that." She chuckled nervously. "It's more like an obsession of mine. It's a private matter and of course I can't tell you or else I have to kill you and your friends and dispose your bodies." She laughed.

"Of course that's a joke. You're not really gonna kill us if something like that happened since you're Miss Relena Peacecraft, the biggest supporter of "Total Pacifism". The same Total Pacifism that was advocated by the original Heero Yuy and carried over to your bloodline" Saji said as he laughs with her.

"Of course, I mean what kind of sick monster I am?" She said and repeatedly pats Saji's shoulder. Due to her rapid movement, several photographs of Gundam pilot Heero Yuy in compromising and embarrassing positions fell from her jacket."

"Man, those are some steamy photographs you got there. Whoa…there's even one where he trims his-

"Oh my…how clumsy of me." Relena quickly rushes to the floor and starts picking up the pictures. "Wow…you totally saw them."

"I sure did." Saji smiled.

"I mean even after I said I'll kill you if you ever found out about this."

"And I did…but of course you're joking right? I mean it's obvious to the world that you're stalking Heero. I mean I'm sure a lot of people know how messed up the Wing fandom is but…"

"…"

"You were totally serious about the killing me and my friends part, were you?" He said as he slowly stands up from his chair.

"Saaaaaaaji-kun…." She hissed as her face grows darker.

* * *

**LOBBY**

Meanwhile, the others are relaxing on the lobby area. Lucrezia Noin and Relena's faithful servant, Pagan are busy entertaining the guest. Tea was served and several delectable pastries are laid out on a small coffee table. Amuro is looking at himself on the mirror and repeatedly murmurs to himself how awesome he is. Setsuna is quietly nibbling on a croissant while Shinn and Lockon are having a game of chess. The pieces were modeled after AC era mobile suits, including the Gundam Wing Seraphim from the obscure manga, Tiel's Impulse. If you push the small button on the middle of the Wing Seraphim chess piece, it will play a record of Tiel Noembreux singing a choir song. It made Shinn blush but somehow disturbed Lockon. "Okay I was talking to the manager of the Hooters branch in the Sweetwater colony. I was recommending him if he hire girls from the nearby Junior High, I'm sure business would start booming. Instead of thanking me, did you know what that mook did? He called the cops on me! I mean I was only sharing business advice and he called the cops on me." Char said. He and George de Sand are drinking tea on the corner of the lobby, away from everybody.

"Hmmm…I truly sympathize." George said as he slowly sips his tea while nodding in agreement. "For that guy anyway."

"Oh this is just…you're siding with him?"

"Oh course I will side to the person who is less likely to be jailed for pedophilia."

"It's Ephebophilia! There's a difference!"

"Oh la la…" George sighed while rubbing his temples.

KEEERIIIING!

Char suddenly stands up, everybody stop what they're doing and look at him with worried and surprised eyes. "My Newtype Flash is tingling! I think Saji-kun is in danger!"

"Help me!" Saji screamed while running down on the stairs. A crazed and murderous Relena is chasing him with a large hunting knife.

"Stop running so I can cut your intestines to ribbons!" She hissed. Noin and Pagan both grab her from behind, struggling to restrain her.

"Lockon!" Saji cried out and embraces him for comfort. "She's going to kill me! She said after I'm dead she's doing to do things to my corpse. Things that involve a pair of pliers and a DVD copy of G-Saviour!" He sniffed.

"You heartless and evil bitch!" Shinn said as he points to Relena.

"Let me go! I'm gonna kill him! I'm going to rip out his ribcage and wear it as hat while I play football with his still-beating heart outside!" She struggles but Noin's firm grasp still holds.

"Relena-ojousama! Please restrain yourself. This is not how a lady acts." Pagan pleaded.

"Is this because you saw her pictures of Heero?" Noin asked Saji. He nods while wiping his tears.

Surprised, Relena drops her knife and looks at Noin with surprised eyes. "You know?" She gasped. "You know that I…with Heero?" She asked and Noin smiles while nodding.

"Well…everybody knows." Pagan added.

"They do? They know that I stalk Heero Yuy because I'm obsessed with him?"

"You what?" Shinn asked.

"Well…maybe he doesn't know…uh…well he now knows." Pagan chuckled nervously. Relena picks up the knife and throws it at Shinn. He quickly ducks to avoid it, barely missing an inch. The knife sticks on the wall, ripping the wallpaper and the painting besides it drops on the floor because of the impact.

"What the hell, bitch?! Are you trying to kill me?"

She pulls out a switch knife and waves it around at Shinn's face. "Do you want me to cut you? Do you? I'm gonna cut you and make you bleed all over, ya sorry piece of crap." She said while acting like a gangster.

"Isn't Pacifism awesome?" Lockon whispered to Amuro and he nods in agreement.

"Oh how about I rip open your belly and pull out your intestine. Then I'll play them like fiddle until I'm covered with all of your blood while laughing maniacally!"

Lockon scratches his head and clears his throat "I know you're a little bit loose in the head but this-

Relena suddenly kicks him on the balls. He goes down on his knees, holding his crouch and screaming in pain. Again, Noin and Pagan try to restrain Relena as she repeatedly kicks Lockon on the ground while laughing like crazy. "Oh fudge you guys and fudge this." Shinn said and he jumps outside through the window, breaking the glass. He runs across the lawn but doesn't notice the parked Taurus in front of him. Everybody flinches when he painfully bumps into the mobile suit, rendering him unconscious.

"Okay I had enough. Sit down!" Noin said in a stern voice and drags Relena to a nearby chair. She forces her to sit down while Pagan helps Lockon to back to his feet. "Everyone knows that you're obsessed with Heero. Heck even the most obscure Gundam characters know." She then points outside; Jack Bayard passes by while humming a Lacus Clyne song. He stops and waves to everyone, they all wave back and he continues on his merry way. "See…I told you."

"That doesn't prove anything…and wasn't that guy trespassing inside the manor grounds?"

"Okay everybody shut up! SHUT UP!" Char yelled. "I'm sure Saji told you the reason why we're here. We only need the magical orb and nothing more. We don't care about your obsession, we just want that magical orb so we can resurrect Kotonoha's friends and somehow convince her to let go of Saji's girl friend and sister."

"Come to think of it." Relena wondered. "You guys have like really powerful mobile suits…I mean you're Char Aznable the leader of the Neo Zeon army. You also got the legendary ace pilot Amuro Ray and that moron who ran outside is a ZAFT ace and a member of FAITH to boot. You could all just gang up on her and rescue Saji's love ones."

"…"

"You know she is right." George said.

"I do know how to contact Miss Kotonoha." Lockon added while scratching his chin. "I mean I could have asked Wang Liu Mei to track her down." Saji then slaps his forehead in frustration while everybody laughed nervously.

"Well…uh…since we've already gone this far, we shouldn't deviate from the plan now, should we?" Char smiled. "Anyway, we just want that magical orb and we're out of your hair."

"Ummm…Char-san, you see…we have one little problem."

"And what is that?"

"She doesn't have the magical orb anymore."

"What!?"

"I sold it." Relena said and she stands up. Her murderous intent now gone and she's back to her normal self. "I've sold it to a man named Matias Adukarf. You see he employs a photojournalist and the pictures I got were done by him."

"Where could we find this Adukarf dude?" Amuro asked.

"I'll write down his address." Relena then picks up a small notebook on the small table near the front entrance. She pulls out an expensive looking pen and writes it down. She rips out the page and hands it to Saji.

"Say…does anyone notice that it's getting a bit foggy outside." George said while looking outside. Shinn was still knocked out cold and is lying on the lawn.

"Oh…shit."

"What? What's going on?" Noin asked, growing a bit cautious.

"If there's suddenly a fog then…"

"Ero-zombies!" Char screamed while pointing outside. Several of the Sanc Kingdom's residents, now turned to perverted zombies, pound the manor's front gates, trying to enter.

The phone rings and Relena picks it up. "Hello? Oh Mr. Mayor. Fog covering the whole kingdom? People suddenly acting like perverts? What? Yes, I'm safe and I'm with guests. What did you say? Phone sex with you? No, I don't want to." She then hangs up, slamming the phone down. "Looks like the several places within Sanc Kingdom are affected and it also got the mayor."

"You gotta be kidding me?" George exclaimed.

"Relena-sama, what should we do?" Noin asked as she watches the zombies struggling to break inside.

"Saji-kun, may I have a word with you for a second." Pagan whispered to Saji. He nods and both of them go to a corner. Pagan also signals Noin and she joins them. "There's a hidden passage leading outside under the basement. If you use that, you can escape safely. I ask you to take Relena-sama with you while we fend off these fiends."

"What about you guys?"

"We have no choice." Noin said. "Relena-sama's safety is our number one priority. Don't worry we'll pull through somehow."

"I…I understand." He replied. Saji then approaches her and grabs her hand. "I'm sorry." He apologized. He then turns to everybody and smiles. "There's an escape route down below. So we're moving out!" He shouted and ran, dragging along Relena.

"Wait…what the hell are you doing?"

"Let's get the fudge outta here!" A conscious Shinn yelled as he enters the mansion again by jumping through another window. Saji kicks open the door leading to the basement and runs down the stairs. Everybody follow, leaving Noin and Pagan to provide cover for their escape. Amuro is the last one to enter the basement, before he steps inside; he turns around and does a thumbs-up to Noin and Pagan.

Noin smiles at Pagan when the zombies finally crash the gate open. "Well…let's do this."

"Let's indeed, milady." Both of them go outside to fend off the zombies.

* * *

**20 MINUTES LATER…**

**OUTSIDE, AT THE REAR OF THE MANSION**

The gang ends up near a forest behind the mansion. Thankfully, the fog didn't affect that area. Saji sadly looks back at the mansion and sighs. Relena suddenly grabs his collar and angrily screams at him. "Why did we leave Noin and Pagan?" She demanded.

"Because they were upholding they're duty as your guardians." Char told her.

"But those two are like my family…I couldn't abandon them like that."

"I'm sorry, Princess." Lockon said. "But it will be an insult to them if we go back. Those two are doing they're best so you can escape safely. I think it's best to stick with us and find the source of this problem."

"I'm sure they will be fine. Mademoiselle Noin is a fine lady. I truly respect her." George said.

"Damn it." She cursed softly. "Fine. I'm sticking with you assholes but if something happened to them I swear to God I'm going to slowly skin you guys alive."

"It's a deal then, princess." Lockon smiled and pats her head.

KA-BOOM!

An explosion rocks the place, suddenly a red Enact descends from the sky. The mobile suit slowly lands in front of them and the cockpit hatch opens. Ali Al Sarshes comes out and is now sporting a Neo Roanoke mask. "Why is that guy still alive?" Shinn asked.

"Last time I check you can't survive being blown to bits by a bazooka."

"AND WHY IS HE WEARING A GODDAMNED MASK!?" Char screamed while shaking his fist. "Your mobile suit is also red! Are you trying to piss me off or something?"

"Impudent fools." Ali laughed. "You thought you have gotten rid of me! Well you're wrong! I'm back and better than ever. Mitsuo Fukuda and his wife retconned my death." He then pulls out a small monitor-like device. "If you look closely, the scene where Lockon Stratos was picking up my head, Mitsuo and company now erased that scene, like how they removed Mu's floating battered helmet on the Gundam SEED third special edition movie! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

"Oh my God, he's in league with Fukuda!" Saji gasped. "You bastard!"

"Now…it's time to finish the job. Kidnap Saji and kill all of you losers."

"Is this the guy responsible for those ero-zombies?" Relena asked Char.

"I don't think so." He replied.

"DIE!" Ali screamed. Everybody goes into a defensive position when a bright light suddenly appears. The mysterious magical girl…err…woman who saved the gang a few days ago appear out of nowhere. She goes between them and points her wand at Ali.

"By the power of bishoujo games, I shall punish you!" She proclaimed. A window bar appears below Ali and inside is selection of four choices.

_**A. Ask if he's doing anything on Sunday.**_

_**B. Encourage him to do his best on the upcoming school festival.**_

_**C. Stick it in! Stick that bitch in!**_

_**D. Transport that motherfudger away!**_

She quickly chooses D and her wand blast Ali with a mysterious blue light. "What is this? What's going on!?" He asked while panicking and the blue light transport Ali somewhere, leaving the Enact and his Neo Roanoke mask.

"Whoa…what the fudge just happened?" Shinn asked.

"It's you." Saji said as he approaches the mysterious woman. "You saved us again."

"Saji-kun, have you collected all of the magical orbs?" She asked softly and not even facing him.

"No…not yet. We're about to find the last one."

"It seems this place has also been affected by the ero-gas."

"Uh…Miss magical girl, are you absolutely sure this poison gas has nothing to do with Kotonoha Katsura?" Lockon asked.

"Positive."

"So who's doing all this? It can't be Doctor S. I mean she's already dead and we're like trying to resurrect her right?"

"I'm still looking into that." She replied. "I must go now."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mon Cheri." George said. "I mean you can't just appear and leave like that. Surely, you know a lot about this whole situation. I think it's time you tell us everything, starting with who the hell are you and how are you connected with all of this?"

She bonks him on the head with her wand. "I will tell you everything when the time is right. Right now, you people should focus on the last magical orb."

"Oh another question please." Shinn said as he raises his hand.

"What?"

"What did you do to Ali?"

"Oh…I transported him somewhere."

"Where?"

"Someplace better."

**HINAMIZAWA VILLAGE**

Ali Al Sarshes is on the middle of the village, surrounded by all the seven principle cast of Higurashi no Koro ni. He backs away as Keiichi Maebara swings his bloody bat. "Oh crap this won't end well." He said when Rena attacks from behind with her machete. They all gang up on him and we could hear fleshy wet ripping sounds as they slowly tore Ali apart.

"Hau! I want to take it home!" Rena squealed as she runs around with Ali's dismembered head.

**BACK TO OUR IDIOTIC HEROES…**

The magical girl suddenly looks up on the sky when a squad of Jet Windams hover above them. "It looks like he wasn't alone."

"I knew something was up when he was wearing that mask."

"He did mention Fukuda." Amuro added.

"Looks like they got Ali again." A Windam pilot said. "Fukuda-sama won't be please with this. He spent a lot of money ret-conning that jackass' death."

"Don't worry…I'll handle them." The pilot of a mysterious orange Windam said. "I won't let Fukuda-san down." He laughs and removes his helmet. It was none other than T.M. Revolution!

"Aw crap…this looks bad." Relena said.

"Prepare yourselves." Char muttered when the mobile suits start charging towards them.

* * *

**BERLIN**

**FOREST, NEAR A LAKE**

Two ZAFT Green Coats step out from a military jeep while carrying fishing gear. The lock the car and continues towards the lake. The city ruins can be seen along with the wreckage of the Destroy Gundam that nearly annihilated the Western Eurasian region. It was unclear why the ZAFT forces stationed there didn't remove the Destroy Gundam. Maybe it serves as a painful reminder that they're asses got kicked by the love child of the Psycho Gundam and the Big Zam but who knows? "Such a peaceful day." One of the ZAFT soldier said as he casts out his fishing line.

"Yup. Even though it's a bit cold and snowy, this is a good day to fish." The other soldier said while nodding in agreement.

"Whoa!" The ZAFT soldier said when his fishing rod starts moving. "It looks like I got something and it's big." The other helps him out as they pull their catch. A large ice block comes out of the water and the soldiers stumble on the snowy bank.

"What the hell is this?"

"It looks like ice…wait a minute…something…no someone is inside!" Suddenly the ice block starts shaking and slowly crumbles. A shivering hand pops out and the soldiers hug each other in fear. A wet and shivering Stellar Loussier breaks free from the ice and the two soldiers flee in terror.

"Oh Stellar is so cold." She said while looking around. "Stellar wonders where she is. Wait…Stellar remembers…Stellar was piloting big mobile suit to destroy monsters and Freedom attacks Stellar. Then Stellar got wounded and fainted, Stupid Shinn thought Stellar is dead so he must have somehow buried Stellar here. Doesn't Shinn know Stellar was just seriously wounded since Freedom only hits chest cannon not cockpit. Maybe Shinn still thinks of his dead sister and somehow…No!" She shakes her head. "There is a good reason why Shinn did that to Stellar. Anyway, Stellar needs to find Shinn." She looks around still shivering from the cold. "I wonder how Stellar should escape…" She looks at the lake and thinks. "But Stellar wonders how she survived under there…must be all those yummy body enhancing chemicals they pump inside Stellar's body. Oh well…must find Shinn." And she merrily hops away.

* * *

NOTES:

Higurashi no Koro ni - a violent anime based from a video game.

Bishoujo games - Japanese dating sim games. Most of them have erotic content.


	8. Chapter 7

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM

Warning: Some of the humor in this fanfic may offend you.

**CHAPTER 7**

**OURSKIRTS OF THE SANC KINGDOM**

**11:08 P.M. **

Saji and company journeyed to the Sanc Kingdom hoping to find the last magical orb. Upon arriving, they met with Relena Peacecraft, daughter of the renowned Peacecraft royal family and advocator of "Total Pacifism". Unfortunately, she sold the orb to a man named Matias Adukarf. As they think of their next move, the mansion they're staying in suddenly gets attacked by perverted zombies and they had no choice but to escape using a secret tunnel that leads to a forest outside the mansion. Again, fortune fails them when a group of Windams led by Fukuda's gay lover, T.M. Revolution, descend upon from the skies. "I don't wanna get killed by T.M. Revolution!" Saji screamed as he runs for cover. The orange Windam fires its beam rifle and everyone scatter to avoid getting hit.

"Yeah!" T.M. Revolution giggled with delight as he wildly fires his beam rifle. "Run like the little ants you are!"

_"Boss!" _One of the Windam pilots called out him through the radio. _"You might hit Saji Crossroad. Fukuda-sama said that we shouldn't harm him. We can kill the others but we mustn't lay one single scratch to Saji." _

"Shut-up, I know what I'm doing!" He lashed out.

"C'mon, let's get out of here!" Lockon said and grabs Saji. He carries him over his shoulders and run towards the forest.

"Like they say: there's also courage in running away." Char said as he and Amuro Ray follows Lockon through the thick forest.

"I don't always agree with you but you got a point." Amuro added. "Besides, taking them on without mobile suits is just plain stupid."

Relena's face becomes red with anger and pulls out a small butterfly knife. "You bunch of pussies! And you numbskulls call yourselves Gundam pilots." She spat. "You people make me physically sick." She then walk towards the rampaging Windam and shakes her fists. "Hey! Mr. Ignited cum Invoke or whatever Vestige your ass is! Hey, Mr. Marketing gimmick! C'mere and face me, faggot!"

"Hey, who you calling a faggot!" He asked as the Windam points its finger at Relena. "And I'm not a marketing gimmick, sure I sang a couple of songs for SEED and Destiny but the characters I voiced mattered! They freaking mattered I tell ya!"

"Riiiiiight." She raises one of her eyebrows. "You got one over glorified GINN pilot and a Ramba Ral rip-off. That mattered alright. Prove me you got balls, bitch and I'll show what "Pacifism" really means!" She said while waving her knife. "I'll gut ya, cut ya, dismember ya, disembowel ya and do things to your corpse that'll make Jeffrey Dahmer blush!"

_"Boss, I like this chick. She gave me a boner when she said-_

"Shut-up, nimrod!" T.M. Revolution screamed at the pilot. "There's no way in hell I'll let a stalker girl like her insult me like that! I'll vaporize this bitch and make a song about it. Yeah…I'll make a bitching music video about it and it'll be most gayest thing in J-rock." He said and aims his rifle at her. "They'll be no stoic bishounens and teddy bears to save you this time, Ojou-sama!"

"Bring it!" Relena smiled. "Did I mention the color orange is really lame?"

"That's it! You're dead! You're so dead!"

"Mayu!" Shinn Asuka screamed as he flashes his late sister's cell phone. "Lend me your strength!" He hurls the phone with superhuman strength and hits the Windam's beam rifle before the mobile suit could pull the trigger. Instead of hitting Relena, T.M. Revolution accidentally shoots one of his Windam subordinates right on the cockpit. He gasped with belief as the Windam explodes.

"What the hell!?"

"SEED mode!" Shinn yelled as he goes into SEED mode. He runs towards the Windam and jumps at the cockpit hatch. He then proceeds to manually open it from the outside using only his bare hands. He succeeds and plants his foot on T.M. Revolution's face. "Fudge you, Heine! You should have stayed dead as Miguel!" He jumps off and sweeps Relena off her feet like a dashing prince. "I like your spunk but you got a death wish." He smiled.

"Put me down, asshole!" She hissed. "I'll kill you then grind your corpse into mincemeat, then I'm going to feed it to the dogs, then I'm going to kill the dogs by running them over with a lawnmower making sure you're dead. Then-

Ignoring her, Shinn faces the magical woman…err…girl…magical mature girl. "You there, use some of your Sailor Moon mojo to transport us to a safe place."

"Roger!" She saluted, trying desperately to be moe but unfortunately being a middle aged woman doesn't make you moe. "Popoti popoti yara yara desu!" She chanted while waving her magical wand. A bright light emanates from it and hits Shinn and the others who are hiding in the forest.

"What the hell is going on?" T.M. Revolution asked in surprise.

* * *

**LOCKON'S BAR**

**SECOND FLOOR**

"Are you sure about this?" Tieria Erde, who is wearing a maid outfit and cat ears, asked Loran Cehack, who is in his Laura Rolla getup. A gagged Sochie Hiem is tied on a chair and is forced to watch the horror in front of her. "I mean…uh…I don't know if this is right."

"Relax." Laura…err…I mean Loran said while giving Tieria a reassuring smile. "This outfit suits you well, Ti-chan. Can I call you T-chan?"

"Ti-chan." Tieria whispered softly to himself while blushing. _"If only Lockon can call me that." _He thought. A bright light suddenly materializes in the room and Saji and the gang appears out of nowhere.

"What in the hell!?"

"Mmmmf…mmmfmmm!?" Sochie said something but her mouth is still gagged. She desperately tries to move the chair but to no avail.

"Where are we?" Setsuna asked while standing up. "Wait a minute…I know this room."

"Tieria!" Lockon gasped when he saw him wearing a maid outfit. "What the fudge are you doing?"

"Don't look at me! Don't look at me, Lockon!" He said while covering his face.

"Oh fudge me in the ass and call me Spanky." Shinn said with a horrified look on his face. "I know you're freaking androgynous but…oh my God."

"Tieria, looks he's here. Lockon is here. Say it now…before its too late. You'll regret it if you don't say it." Loran told him. His gleeful face is bright with excitement and happiness.

"Oh fudge it." Tieria said and poses like a cat. "Nyan, nyan! Okaerinasai, goshujin-sama, nyan!"

Completely freaked out, Lockon slowly turns his neck and faces Miss magical girl. "Take us out of here…NOW!" He ordered and she waves her wand again to summon the magical portal. They all jumped at the portal and it teleports them to another place, leaving a giggling Loran and a crying Tieria. Meanwhile, Sochie was banging her head on the wall as she desperately tries to survive the craziness in front of her.

* * *

**SOMEWHERE IN RUSSIA…**

**HRL BASE**

Sergei Smirnov and his Choubo squad are performing a play in front of children at the base. Several high ranking HRL officials are also watching since the play is some sort of fundraiser for the poverty stricken people of Russia. Soma Peries, who is wearing a Red Riding Hood costume, merrily hops on the stage while carrying a picnic basket. Sergei in a bear costume comes out from the back and blocks Soma's path. "Roar…gimme all the goodies or else I'm going to eat you!" He said while acting scary.

"Hey dude, I think we got the story wrong." A soldier whispered to his friend behind the audience. "I mean it's Red Riding Hood, it's supposed to be a wolf right?"

"Who cares? These brats are poor. They don't give a shit until they get some candies or stuff. Just shut-up and watch the Goddamn show…if this goes well, the Colonel's gonna promote us."

A portal opens up, dropping Saji and crew right on the middle of the stage. The children cheered and clapped while the officials look at each other with confused expression on their faces. "Where the hell are we?" Amuro asked while massaging his behind since he landed on his butt.

"Who the hell are you people?" Sergei asked and pulls out an AK-47 assault rifle.

"Oh crap." Saji gulped and looks around. "I think we're in an HRL base."

"Hey…it's Matias Adukarf!" Relena said while pointing at the audience. Matias was sitting among the generals and the politicians. He smiles and waves back at her in a flamboyant manner.

"He looks pretty…tacky." Shinn whispered to Relena.

"Who the hell are you people?" Sergei asked again. "What're you doing here? Are you guys from the Union or the AEU?" He then cocks his gun and points it at George de Sand's face.

"Pour l'amour de…they always point at the French guy first." He grumbled. "Why don't you point the gun at him, he's a pedophile." He said while pointing to Char Aznable.

"Oh drop dead, you onion sucking mook."

"Matias!" Relena grabs Saji's hand and they jump off the stage. "Do you still have the magical orb?"

"You mean this?" He asked after producing the orb from his hand bag.

"Yoink!" Relena said after grabbing the orb. "Magical girl…do your magic!"

"Roger!" She replied and again summons the portal. Sergei shoots at them but they managed to escape in time by jumping into the portal. The children cheered loudly after the portal disappears. They two soldiers at the back look at each other and shrug.

* * *

**SAJI'S APARTMENT **

**8:05 A.M. **

"Well that was wonderfully convenient." Relena said while rubbing the magical orb. She tosses it to Saji and he clumsily catches it. "To think we would see Matias there."

"Do you think the magical girl knew Matias was there?" Lockon asked.

"That's not important now." Saji said smiling. "We all have the three magical orbs. Now we can resurrect Kotonoha Katsura's friends and convince her to let go Louise and Nee-san."

"Finally…I'm tired of this whole School Days mumbo jumbo." Shinn said. "We can finally end this stupid story arc."

"That I agree, my friend." George added.

"Anyway…where the hell are we?" Relena asked. "This place is a dump."

"Uh…we're in my apartment." Saji laughed nervously. "They kinda wrecked the place when they kidnapped Louise and the others."

"But I must ask…" Char said. His expression is dead serious. "How can you be sure resurrecting her friends would convince this Kotonoha girl? Based on the story you guys told me, this chick is a bit…unstable."

"Yeah…she got those dead eyes. Kinda like SEED mode but without the instant ace pilot bullcrap." Shinn said and he sits on the couch. "I mean what if this plan of ours fail? All of our effort would be for nothing and its back to square one."

"Then that would be the time to break out the Gundams and start taking names and kicking ass, stupid." Relena said and sits next to him. "God, who thought of this stupid plan in the first place anyway?"

They all point to Lockon Stratos and he just sighs. "Look…I played the game and watched the anime. Besides, I know her better than you guys. I mean she started harassing my shop a month ago."

"I guess this is the time to reveal the secrets…" The magical girl said and she takes off her mask. "…starting with my identity."

"…"

"Uh…"

"…"

"It's me!"

"And you are…?" Char asked while scratching his head.

"You gotta be kidding me." She said, completely frustrated and annoyed. "Yoko Saionji! Sekai Saionji's mother. I commanded the Magical Heart Team with my daughter."

"The what…?"

"Lockon, you played and watched School Days. You gotta know me."

"Well…uh…to be honest you don't exactly have memorable features and…uh…well…uh…you were pretty forgettable."

"No!" She becomes white as paper and crawls to a corner. She sits down and hugs her knees. Saji and the others stayed quiet for like twenty minutes, watching her brood on the corner. Char got bored and goes to the kitchen to get something to drink. "I know! She picks up her wand and magically materializes the School Days DVD box set and the two PC games."

**SEVERAL HOURS LATER…**

**DINING ROOM**

Everyone is gathered at the table, having finished the anime series and games. For the last hour they just sat there, looking at each other with confused and bewildered eyes. Setsuna is still expressionless after several hours of School Days goodness, like nothing ever happened. Shinn is shaking uncontrollably after seeing all the violent bad endings. George was the one to break the silence. "Everything is clear to me now." He said.

"What the hell did we just saw?" Relena asked. "I mean…the guy was a complete asshole. I got this feeling that I should hate it but…should I hate it? I feel so broken."

Char slams his fist on the table, surprising everyone. "This is what my "mistakes of the youth" line is all about."

"Well…at least the show compensated with some poon tang. I mean…poon tang. School girls, people. School girls!"

"At least we now know what we did is not a piss on the wind." Saji said sounding more determined. "We'll do our thing and defeat Kotonoha once and for all."

"Do I have to remind you again?" Yoko said as she appears on the doorway leading to the kitchen. "Kotonoha is not the enemy here. The reason why I'm helping you is because I want to unmask the one pulling the strings behind the shadows."

"You mean the ero-zombies?" Lockon asked.

"Precisely." She nodded. "Now…everything is laid out on the table. The time for action is now."

"Okay…what do you say, guys? You coming with me right?" Saji asked as he stands up. "Look…even if its only me I'm still doing it."

"Well if it involves me kicking some major ass and sharing "Pacifism" then count me in." Relena said. "Besides, the only exciting thing happening in the Sanc Kingdom right now is a debate between Ultimate Warrior and Richard Dawkins. Well since that mysterious fog appeared…I wonder what happened to the debate."

"I'm in because I'm the most awesome Gundam pilot ever." Amuro said smiling. "Nothing more, nothing less."

"Like hell I'm gonna let my employee run off to his own." Lockon said and gives Saji the thumbs-up.

"As a nobleman from Neo France, I will humbly lend you my abilities." George said and he bows down.

"We're gonna resurrect Kotonoha's younger sister too right?" Shinn asked. "I got this big "sister complex" thing going on and that's the only thing that's giving me courage and determination. The fandom might hate me, people may call me Kamille 2.0 or that Shinn asshole, but no way in hell gonna let my friends down."

"I'm doing this even though this is not the path of Gundam." Setsuna said softly. "I'm helping you not as Setsuna F. Seie but as Soran Ibrahim. This is a path I choose without regret." He smiled. "I have your back, Saji-san. It's the least I can do for always inviting me for dinner."

"Well…there's no explanation needed on why I'm coming." Char said. "I mean I'm freaking Char Aznable. I'm like the mascot for Gundam. I'm freaking Mario to Nintendo or Sonic to Sega. Besides, I'm dying to try that Order of the Black Knights reinforcement coupon I got from Pizza Hut. If I unleash that baby on some poor soul, it's going to be the biggest mecha gang bang of the year. They gonna spill oil on him like Bukkake porn."

"Okay that's just wrong, Char."

"Guys…I…I…" Deeply touched by his comrades' sincerity to help him, Saji cries tears of joy. "Man…I am so lucky to have you guys…sniff."

"Okay, cut the Kira Yamato crap." Shinn said. "Be a man, buddy."

"Y-Yeah…okay."

"Yeah…crying annoys me." Relena said and pulls out a large machete. "If you don't stop crying, I'm gonna cut off your pecker and shove it inside George's butt hole."

"Mademoiselle Relena…why me?"

"Oh I'd pay to see that happen." Shinn chuckled. Everybody then gives him a strange look. "What?"

"It's settled then." Yoko pulls out her magic wand. "It's time to finish this dilemma once and for all." She waves the wand and opens a portal "Come everyone…to our world."

"This is it, folks. It's now or never." Amuro said.

"I'm coming to save you, Louise, Kinue-oneesama and Halevy-san." Saji said. "I won't let anything bad happen to you guys."

"Rock and roll, people." Shinn shouted and they all jumped into the portal. Yoko was the last one to enter; she waves her wand one more time to close the portal.

* * *

**BANDAI HEADQUARTERS, JAPAN**

Mitsuo Fukuda and the Gundam SEED team are busy producing the upcoming Gundam SEED movie. Every employee are bounded by chains and being forced to work. Several monitors are placed on every room; a video of Lacus Clyne telling everyone to work hard on the project is playing on loop while the Imperial March theme from Star Wars plays in the background. Fukuda whips Gundam mecha designer, Kunio Okawara, on the back while working on the Freedom's new designs. "What the hell are you doing, Okawara-kun? Add more wing binders, dammit."

"Fukuda-sama, if I do that then it'll be like the Hi-Nu Gundam."

"My loyal fans won't notice, now work damn you!" He whips him again.

Fukuda's wife, Chiaki Morosawa comes out from her room while carrying her newly made script. "Dear, I finished it! I finished the movie's plot. The story is about Rau Le Creuset coming back from grave and is now planning to drop an asteroid to Earth and bringing in a nuclear winter. Kira and friends form a task force to stop him. In the final battle, both Kira and Rau die after an epic battle. But after credits roll, it's revealed they miraculously survive even though their Gundams were armed with nukes and are floating in space."

"That's brilliant!" He exclaimed. "I knew I made the right choice marrying you. It's so damn original! We're gonna earn some big bucks."

"Fukuda-sama!" A guard appears out of nowhere and kneels in front of him. "T.M. Revolution failed in his mission."

"What did you say!? He failed? That's it…his character will die a peasant's death in the movie."

"Katsura-san also contacted us. She wants you to gather all your men and come to her very nice boat tonight. It seems Saji and his friends have found all the magical orbs and are preparing to take action."

"You take care of things here, dear." He told his wife. "This one is going to be messy."

* * *

**ELSEWHERE**

**ON A VERY NICE BOAT**

**LOUNGE**

"I wonder when Saji is going to rescue us." Louise sighed as she sits on the couch. "I'm getting bored here."

"He'll come soon, sweetheart." Mama Halevy assured her. "Of course he'll come for me since he can't resist my adult charms."

"Oh that's rich." Kinue snickered. "I'm sure he'll come for his loving Nee-sama and not some old hag."

"Oh ho, ho, ho, ho." Mama Halevy laughed. "There's nothing wrong about being delusional I guess."

"You're the one being delusional here, you AEU whore." She sniped at her.

"I think you guys are forgetting I'm his girlfriend here." Louise said while a big sweat drop appears on her head.

"Once he comes here, I'll make sure I'll show him the secrets of a woman's body." Mama Halevy said as she stands up. "Something his sister can't possibly do because she possess an inferior figure."

"Nu-uh! You're wrong there. I've been showing him the secrets of my body ever since he was a child."

"It's a miracle Saji is not in therapy or something." Louise said and slaps her forehead.

The lounge's doors suddenly open up. Kotonoha Katsura, along with a few of her thugs, enter the room. The three girls stop bickering as Kotonoha sits on the chair in front of them. The thugs close the doors and stand guard at the corner of the room. "It seems your beloved Saji is coming here."

"So he's actually giving in to your demands?" Louise asked.

"Unfortunately, that's not the case here. He found something that can be used against me. He will come here and save you guys."

"Yeah, I knew it." Kinue cheered.

"That's why I'm ordering my men to move to another location."

"W-Where?"

"Sakakino Highschool. My old highschool…when I was still the normal Kotonoha. That place would be the stage as the final battle nears. And I'll make sure I win…and for him to lose everything."


	9. Chapter 8

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM

Warning: Some of the humor in this fanfic may offend you.

**CHAPTER 8**

**SAJI'S APARTMENT**

**OUTSIDE THE FRONT DOOR **

Christina Sierra couldn't believe her eyes. She came back to check Saji's apartment one more time with Felt Grace when she heard people talking inside the building. She quickly ducked near the bushes and peeked at the window when a mysterious woman, wearing a magical girl costume, opened a portal using her magical wand. She then gasped when she saw Saji and other people she didn't recognized jumped in the portal. "Well, you don't see that everyday." Felt said. She was completely calmed and unfazed, like nothing happened.

"S-S-S-Saji-kun! That was Saji-kun!" Christina said. She was in complete shock but somehow relieved since she saw Saji was alright.

"Yup." Felt nodded. "That was Crossroad-san alright."

"Who were those people? And what the hell was that portal thingy?"

"Well, we probably won't know since he's gone." Felt said nonchalantly. "Well that was fun. I'm getting a bit hungry, how about we go grab a burger at-

"Oh my God!" Chris screamed. "Maybe they kidnapped Saji-kun and sent him to another dimension to be their slave or something! Oh my God, what should we do? This is bad. This is very bad, Felt."

"…"

"Saji is being forced into slavery! Oh for the love of God, we gotta do something!" She said hysterically while shaking Felt uncontrollably. "They could be doing…stuff to him. Unimaginable stuff! Stuff that I can't say out loud." She said and started blushing. Her mind drifts away and fantasizes a topless and chained Saji in several compromising positions with a dominant Bishounen guy that would make your typical Fujyoshi squeal with delight. "Kyaaaah! They could be doing this and that. Oh I bet they're gonna use corn!" She said while covering her face while Felt just raises one of her eyebrow in bemusement. "OR…maybe those Gundam Wing boys kidnapped him so they can use him in one of their yaoi adventures. I really wanna see that happening! Heero Yuy comes in along with Duo and-

"Uh…I don't think they would do something as stupid as this, Chris." Felt said and slaps her forehead in exasperation. "And stop fantasizing about Gundam characters in yaoi situations before some pimply faced UC elitist prick faint while bleeding from every hole and orifice in his body and begs his Gundam god, Yoshiyuki Tomino, to save their beloved franchise." She said sternly. "But I do hope that old bastard be making another Dunbine series or a King Gainer sequel." She whispered to herself.

"Anyway, we better tell someone about this." Chris said. "We have to rescue Saji-kun."

"Are you even sure he's in danger?"

"He's in danger alright!" She shouted and raises one of her hands. "And it's up to us to rescue him. And then, he will finally notice my affections and leave that blonde bimbo and date me instead!"

"And the best part is that you're going to drag me along with this whole fiasco." She sighed.

Suddenly, several Tieren mobile suits from the Human Reformation League army appear. In the lead is a Tieren High Mobility Commander Type along with the Tieren Taozi. Colonel Sergei Smirnov, who is still wearing the bear suit, comes out of the cockpit hatch and surveys the area. He notices Chris and Felt cowering in front of the apartment and clears his throat. "You two over there!" He called out to them.

"Y-Y-Yes…?"

"Is this Saji Crossroad's residence?" He asked and they both nodded. "Lieutenant Peries, looks like we found the place."

"Roger." She replied.

"M-M-May I ask who you people are?" Chris said who is still shaking from fright. "A-And what do you want with Saji-kun?"

"Also, why are you wearing a bear suit?" Felt added.

"I am Colonel Sergei Smirnov of the HRL army." He proudly proclaimed. "And this is the famous Chobu squad."

"You still haven't answered why you're wearing a bear suit."

"Because I am known as the "Wild Bear" of Russia due to my achievements during the 4th Solar War."

"Bear-san, tells us why you're looking for Saji-kun?"

"Because that bastard dared to infiltrate our base and ruin our play." He answered while gritting his teeth. The soldiers behind him cheered in agreement. "He made our beloved nation's children cry!"

"What!? But Saji-kun wouldn't do such a thing!" Chris said in disbelief.

"I guess you can't judge a book by its cover." Felt chuckled.

"Felt!"

"What?"

"But we have proof. We caught the whole thing in video." He said. "Lieutenant Peries, show them the video footage."

"Yes sir!" She replied and disembarks from the Tieren Taozi. She then hands a small video device to Chris and she turns it on.

It shows a home made video of Sergei, who is STILL wearing a bear suit, dancing around with a striped panty wrapped around his head. _"I am the wild bear of Russia." _He sang. _"And I have a cute girl as a subordinate. I steal her panties from her laundry everyday! Da da da da da dabum yeah!" _He then drops on the floor and starts rolling around while giggling like an idiot.

"Eh!?" Both Chris and Felt cried out while sweat drops appear above their heads.

"Wrong video!" Sergei screamed. "That's the wrong video!"

Soma changes the data disk and acts like nothing happened. This time it was the right video footage. It shows Saji and the others coming out from a portal and crashing on the middle of the stage during the Chobu squad's performance of Little Red Riding Hood. Relena grabs the magical orb from Matias and disappears into another portal while the soldiers were scrambling to their positions. "No way." Chris said in disbelief. "It's really Saji-kun."

"Like I said, you can't judge a book by-

"I don't believe it!" Christina shouted as she tosses the video device and runs away crying.

"Chris!" Felt called out and she runs after her.

* * *

**ELSEWHERE…**

A portal appears above a peaceful looking city and spews out Saji and the others. They all crash painfully on the pavement, surprising everyone on the street. "Ya freaking son of a bitch!!" Relena Peacecraft screamed when she notices Shinn Asuka lying on top of her. "Get off before I castrate you in front of your girlfriend." She said and pushes him away.

"Where the heck are we?" Saji asked while rubbing his behind. He looks around, though the place looks unfamiliar, he doesn't notice anything peculiar or out of place. It's just a regular looking city with regular looking people.

"Welcome." Yoko Saionji said while spreading her arms. "To the world of Bishoujo games." Since appearing out of nowhere will inevitably cause a scene, people started gathering around them while whispering to each other. Saji smiles uncomfortably and nudges Lockon Stratos.

"Well…maybe we should go somewhere else." Lockon told Yoko. "Somewhere less…crowded."

"As you wish." Yoko nodded.

* * *

**SAKAKINO HIGH SCHOOL **

Kotonoha Katsura's very nice boat crashes through the school's gate and stops near the front door of the main building. Kotonoha jumps off along with her Mafia thugs. "Looks like we're early." She said softly.

"Boss, we got word from Sal that Saji and his friends are here." One of her thugs reported.

"Excellent." She smacked her lips. "Things are going according to-

"Ko-chan!" Louise called out from the boat. "Mama and Kinue-san are fighting again."

"Don't call me Ko-chan in front of my men." She hissed. "Damn it. Pablo, do something about those two."

"Yes ma'am." Pablo replied and jumps back to the boat.

_"Come Saji, so we can finish this blasted game already." _She thought.

* * *

**CITY PARK**

A meek looking bespectacled boy is sitting under a tree while reading a light novel. He was so immersed on his book that he doesn't notice a red haired girl sneaking behind him. "Yo Kazuki!" The girl cried out and slaps the guy's back. Surprised, he stumbles for a bit but manages to recover quickly. He turns around and his face brightens up after seeing the girl. "It's been a while, four eyes." The girl said with a mischievous grin.

"Yumi-chan, is that you?" The boy asked.

"Yup." She nodded. "Your one and only childhood friend. I see you're still hanging out at this place, we always play here when we were kids."

"Yeah, I remember."

"It's also the placed where you promise…to…you know…" She mumbled while her face turns beet red. She places her hands behind her and started fidgeting. "Kazuki…I've been gone so long that-

"Kazuki-chan!" A slim but well endowed girl with green shoulder length hair comes running out of nowhere. She jumps at Kazuki and hugs him tightly. "Kazuki-chan, I missed you so much! I thought I was never going to see you again. I'm back and this time I'm staying. I miss my childhood friend so much."

"Tsubaki-chan!?"

"K-K-K-Kazuki-san…" A short and petite blonde girl said behind Kazuki. "It's been a while. My parents decided to move back here again."

"Risa-chan!?"

"Just how many female childhood friends does this guy have that had left and came back?" Lockon asked while eating a hotdog. They're all hanging out at the fountain on the middle of the park in order to assess the situation and think of a plan for their next move.

"If I were that dude I'd choose the loli and-

"No, Char, no. Please don't start." Amuro said with a disgusted look on his face. "I had enough of your lolicon antics."

"I'd bet you five bucks he's gonna bang that green haired athletic chick…behind the PE shed at their school." Shinn said and takes a bite of his ham sandwich.

"He's more likely to do that fiery red haired girl…THEN she dies in some tragic accident while…wait a minute…they're from a romantic comedy game right?" Relena asked and takes a sip of her ice tea.

"You guys aren't thinking straight. He's gonna do 'em all…at the same time!" Lockon said cheerfully after finishing his food.

"…"

"This place gives me the warm fuzzies." Shinn smiled.

"These people sure have peaceful lives." Setsuna sighed.

"Peaceful AND naughty lives."

"Uh…guys." Saji said while he nervously scratches his head. "Aren't we here to discuss about our next plan?"

"Oh…right."

"So we now have all three magical orbs, how are we gonna resurrect Katsura's friends?" Lockon asked while he stretches. "Do you have any ideas, Yoko-san?"

"I guess the best place we can start is their school."

"Oh yeah…the place where all the action happened." Lockon said. "So what are we waiting for?"

"We can't just go charging in without a plan." George de Sand said.

"He's right." Yoko said softly as she plays with her hair. "I can already sense Katsura-san's presence near the school." She warned.

"Oh crap."

"You mean she's here?" Saji asked.

"Yes…so are your sister, girlfriend and her mother."

"Then we have to hurry." Saji said in a very determined tone. "This is our chance to rescue them and we can't afford to screw up."

"I admire you spirit, kid." Yoko said suddenly, her tone of voice suddenly changed. She now sounds more sinister and evil. "BUT this is the end of the line." She laughed and suddenly a group of thugs wearing Lacus Clyne T-shirts jumped on them. Leading them is none other than T.M. Revolution who's cosplaying as Heine Westenfluss. They subdue them easily with force.

"Yoko-san, what's going on?" Saji asked while two mean looking goons grabbed him from behind.

"Ya motherloving bastards! Let go of me, dammit!" Relena hissed angrily. "I'm the motherloving queen of the motherloving world. You don't wanna mess with me, assholes. I'll kill ya, grind ya into mincemeat and feed ya to your families without 'em knowing!"

"Yoko, what's the meaning of this?"

"Isn't it obvious? I was merely pretending to be your ally. We were so lucky Lockon knew about the magical orbs. You practically did most of the work for us."

"So does that mean you work for Katsura-san?" Lockon asked.

"Oh you silly Irishman, of course not." Yoko said and caresses his cheeks. "We're not involved with her in any way, in fact we consider her as a threat. She was messed-up to begin with and we really didn't care about her activities. We were after the magical orbs and it was luck that she set her eyes on Saji."

"What are you going to do with the magical orbs?" Saji asked. "I mean aren't they used for resurrecting dead people?"

"Well yes…but they have other uses too. These orbs are a great source of power and whoever possesses the three orbs can-

"This doesn't make any sense! You're Sekai's mother!" Lockon shouted while trying to struggle but the goons holding him were too strong.

"I…uh…well…"

"Enough talk!" T.M. Revolution said in a loud and booming voice. "We're taking the orbs, thank you." He then snatches them away from Saji and puts them inside a duralumin case. "Oh and one other thing." He approaches Shinn and takes away his pink cell phone.

"MAYU!!" He screamed in anguish. "You bastard, give Mayu back! Give her back!"

"Heh…I always want to do that." He chuckled and pockets the mobile phone. "Let's finish these mooks so we can proceed with the next phase of the plan."

"Yes sir!" The goons responded.

"GIVE HER BACK!!" Shinn's eyes turn red as he goes into SEED mode. He grabs the guy holding him and throws the person to the sky with superhuman strength.

"Holy crap!" T.M. Revolution said in disbelief. His mouth is gaping wide open in shock. "What the fudge just happened?"

With the thugs distracted from Shinn's actions, the others move in for the counter attack and in a matter of seconds they managed turn the tables from their captors. "Red Comet Kick!" Char screamed and performs a flying kick to the nearest goon that sends him flying to the pavement.

"Mayu!!" Shinn jumps at T.M. but he grabs the goon next to him and uses the person as a human shield. He then pushes him away to Shinn's direction and he pummels him to oblivion. T.M. Revolution gasped in horror as he watches the poor soul get beaten into a bloody pulp, he flinches and wince every time he hears one of the goon's bones break into pieces.

"We are so lucky that bastard has a little sister complex." George said and he gives a sharp elbow to the thug he's fighting with.

"That's a big ten-four, buddy." Lockon agreed after giving another thug a devastating head butt. He then grabs two more thugs and bashes their heads together.

Amuro notices a thug sneaking behind Char and quickly judo flips the guy. He then pokes the eyes of an incoming thug and knocks him out cold by giving him a mean axe kick to the face which shattered his jaw. "Thanks" Char smiled. "Oh shit! Amuro, get down." He complies and Char quickly performs a roundhouse kick and hits a thug that was about to stab Amuro with a large dagger.

"Thanks a lot, Char."

"Nobody is allowed to kill you because I'm the only one who's gonna do it."

"Glad to know that, you freaking lolicon." Amuro chuckled and both of them stood back-to-back while more thugs circle around them. "Let's show these SEED asswipes our manly combination attack."

"I don't agree with you often but hell yeah!"

"Ultimate Newtype Storm!" They both shouted and their bodies started glowing brightly. A huge explosion rocks the park as they attack the thugs with superhuman speed and strength. They managed to bring down half of their attackers in a matter of seconds and sent the other half packing to their mothers.

"Oh crap!" Saji screamed while a thug lifts him up and prepares to perform a back breaker on him. "Somebody help me!" He cried.

"Nobody is gonna help you now."

"Put me down, dammit!"

"I'm gonna break you like a twig, bitch." The thug laughed. Suddenly Setsuna appears out of nowhere and punches the guy on the kidneys. He drops Saji on the ground and he clutches his lower abdomen while screaming in pain. He finishes him off by giving the guy a sharp knee to the face. Another one charges at Setsuna while wielding a baton. Saji quickly trips him with his leg, sending him crashing face first to the pavement.

"Are you okay?" Setsuna asked as he helps Saji back to his feet.

"Thanks." Saji said while gasping for air. "I thought I was done for."

"We better get those magical orbs back from them."

"Yoko, what the heck are you standing around for?" T.M. Revolution barked at her. "Use your magical girl powers for Christ's sake."

"Uh…Y-Y-Yes sir!" She responded but hesitation overwhelms her when she pulls out her wand. "What am I doing?" She asked herself.

"I got you!" Relena said and throws a small knife at Yoko. It slices the wand in half, rendering it useless.

"My wand!?"

"Oh you stupid bitch!" T.M. Revolution screamed and he starts to panic due to the deteriorating situation. "Send out the Elite Guards!" He ordered and several muscle bound men in Lacus Clyne cosplay come charging in. "Yoko, we're falling back!" He said and grabs her hand as they run away.

"You're not getting away until you give back Mayu!" Shinn cried out and he gives chase.

One of the Elite Guards suddenly blocks his path. "You ain't going anywhere, runt." He said in a threatening manner while cracking his knuckles.

"Step aside!" He screamed and slaps the guy away, sending him crashing to a nearby building. "Mayu!!"

"They got the magical orbs! After them!" Lockon ordered and one of the Elite Guards gives him a reverse bear hug from behind. "Oh son of a…this ain't right! This ain't right at all!"

Another one tries to grab Relena's breasts. His mouth is foaming while giving her a lustful look. She quickly evades his advance and grabs a hold of the guy's arm. "I always love it when I hear this sound." She said and viciously breaks the guy's arm while laughing like a maniac. She jumps and steps on the guy's face. Her laugh gets louder than ever as she buries her foot on the poor sap's face.

"C'mon we need to go after them." Saji said and he rolls on the ground to avoid being bear hugged. They all chased T.M. Revolution with Shinn on the lead. He's still screaming Mayu's name like crazy.

"Onward!" Char shouted while shaking his fist.

* * *

**LOCKON'S BAR**

**7:02 P.M. **

"Stellar's ears hurt." Stellar said while covering them. A few seats behind her, Jerid Messa and Chronicle Asher are banging their heads on the table, weeping loudly on why they always lose to their respective rivals.

"It's loser nemesis' night." Tieria said calmly while cleaning a beer mug. "Most of the patrons tonight might get all whiny and weepy, so you have no choice but to put up with it."

"Oh well Stellar also doesn't feel happy." She moaned and takes a sip of her cola. "That's why Stellar is drowning her sorrows with carbonated drinks."

"For the sake of me being the…uh…temporary bartender, I feel obliged to listen to your problems. Now spill the beans before I lose interest and go back to my VEDA surfing. C'mon…hurry up, I don't have all night."

"Uh…well…Stellar has been abandoned by Shinn. He thought I died so he threw me in a lake and was frozen for several months…or years…I don't know. Stellar's head is a bit fuzzy from hypothermia you see." She told Tieria while smiling. "So Stellar embarked on a quest to find soul mate and that is Shinn."

"You don't mean Shinn Asuka right? The ZAFT dude that has a little sister complex and whines about how Cagalli and Kira Yamato screwed him in SEED Destiny? That Shinn Asuka?"

Stellar's face brightens up and slams both her hands on the bar. "Yes…That's the person Stellar is looking for."

"The one who bitch like crazy and tries to be Kamille Bidan but fails miserably?"

"Uh…yes."

"The one who ripped off both title suits from Victory Gundam. Like Impulse is like V Gundam and Destiny is like V2 Gundam, complete with those fancy wings of light?"

"Uh…well…"

"The one who became an over glorified super grunt when Kira Yamato hijacked the show mid-

"Stellar thinks you should shut-up now." She said in irritation and a bulging vein appears on her forehead.

"Yeah…he comes here often. Even though he's underage, Lockon lets him drink alcohol. He's quite entertaining when he gets drunk. One time he got so wasted he dropped his pants, went to a corner while clutching his pink cell phone and-

"Uh Tieria…I think you shouldn't tell that story to her." Allelujah interrupted.

"Do you know where he lives or if Stellar should wait for him here?"

"Well…we really don't know." Allelujah said and waves his hand apologetically. "The thing is the owner of this bar-

"Co-owner." Tieria interrupted and wanted to make sure people know he also owns and runs the bar.

"Sorry." He apologized. "I meant co-owner. Anyway, Lockon Stratos, the other co-owner disappeared without a trace. We believe it has connections to the disappearances of other bar patrons, Shinn included, and our new part time waiter. Well that's what VEDA predicted anyway."

"VEDA?"

"It's a super computer that knows a lot of things…no scratch that…VEDA knows EVERYTHING."

"Why do you have such a thing?" Stellar asked while blinking.

"Because we are Celestial Being. A paramilitary organization that intervenes with war using force. We possess the mobile weapons known as "Gundam". We plan to unite the world and bring-

Allelujah suddenly slaps the back of Tieria's head, interrupting him, and smiled apologetically at Stellar. "It's because Lockon is such a tech freak. It cost him a pretty penny and…you know…I mean Tieria was just exaggerating when he said-

"Ooooooooh." Stellar nodded while her eyes flash brightly like an innocent child. She completely bought everything Allelujah said.

_"Thank God she's an idiot." _He thought and sighs with relief. _"What the hell is wrong with Tieria? That was very uncharacteristic of him. Does it have something to do when I stumbled upon his room and found him crying while wearing a maid outfit with cat ears?" _

"Tieria-san!" Christina Sierra cried out after she burst through the front doors with Felt, surprising everyone. "Tieria-san! It's terrible! Saji-kun is…Saji…"

"Settle down, take a deep breath and relax."

"I don't have time for that. There's trouble, Tieria-san and I need your help."

"What kind of trouble?" Allelujah asked.

"I came back to check Saji's apartment one more time and I found him jumping through a portal. And what's worse, the HRL army wants him because he barged through their base and ruined their play."

"What in the hell?"

"He's also with Lockon, Shinn, Setsuna and that French guy from Neo France."

"Nani!?"

"Here…take a look." She then shows them the video device she got from Sergei. She turns it on and the video where Saji and company accidentally dropped in on the HRL base plays. Tieria gasped when he saw Lockon and Stellar squealed when she saw the familiar face of Shinn.

"What is Shinn doing there?" She asked.

"What the fudge is going on?"

"I don't know but I'm determined to look for them. Please Tieria-san, help me out. You're the only person I can rely to." She pleaded.

"It can't be helped then." He smiled. "I accept. Let's get going! We're going to get some answers and save those idiots."

"Stellar is also coming! Stellar needs to rescue Shinn!"

"But how?" Allelujah asked. "And how are we gonna start looking for them? We have no idea where to start."

"He he he he…don't underestimate Tieria Erde. We'll build a portal device to transport ourselves to their location. I'm sure VEDA has the plans and blue prints for a portal device. Like I said, VEDA knows everything."

"Right…but where the heck are they?" Allelujah asked in doubt. "How we gonna find them even if we built this device?"

"Chris said she saw them going through a portal in Saji-kun's apartment, right? It's simple really; we'll just go there and track the portal residue. That will help us pinpoint the location where they went."

"And how we gonna do that?"

"Again VEDA sure has blueprints that will help us develop a device to track portal residues." He replied.

"Well that's freaking convenient." Felt said sarcastically.

"Anyway, what the heck are we waiting for? To the VEDA chamber!"

"Yay!" They all cheered and everyone merrily hops to Tieria's room, leaving the bar unattended.

* * *

**BISHOUJO GAME WORLD **

**MARKET PLACE**

"Get out of the freaking way!" Shinn screamed angrily and power bombs one of the Lacus Clyne cosplaying thugs who are trying to stop him from pursuing T.M. Revolution. "If you don't give Mayu back I'll send you assholes to hell!" The pursuit continues to the market place of the city. Well, it's not your usual market place since it's filled with generic hentai game characters. Moe girls and your wimpy generic male protagonists populate the area as they try to carry conversations that could probably lead to an H-scene. Saji and the gang struggle as they work their way through the moe-filled streets.

Relena was running around with a chainsaw while screaming like a maniac. She's recklessly swings it around like the psycho she is. "C'mon you freaking twits! Let's get this blood bath started!" She cackled. Both Saji and Lockon look at her with amazement and they just shrug their shoulders.

Meanwhile, three cute elementary school girls nervously approached a nerdy looking boy wearing glasses. "Ne, Onii-chan, could you help us out? We were wondering if you could show us the way to the public library."

"Sure." He answered happily. "If you could just follow me to the alley overrrrrragh!" Char suddenly pushes him away and he painfully stumbles down on a flight of stairs nearby, breaking every bone in his body.

"Pick me! Pick me! Char onii-chan will show you the way." He said and spreads his arms at them, beckoning the girls to come closer. "Now don't be shy, Char onii-chan won't bite you."

"Monsieur Aznable!" George said and he pulls him away. "We don't have time for this. We need to chase those _salauds _who stole the magical orbs from us."

"George, don't do this to me." He said while struggling to get away. The girls look at them with blank expression on their faces. "No please! No! Nooooooooo!!"

"God damn it, Char." Amuro muttered and shakes his head in disappointment.

* * *

**SAKAKINO HIGHSCHOOL **

**NURSE'S OFFICE **

"Kaori!?" A male student gasped after his female classmate discovered him having sex with another female classmate on the infirmary bed. "This…is…this isn't what you think!" he tried to explain.

"Takabe-san!? You're…you're…with Hayase-san?" Kaori said. Her eyes were welling up with tears and her whole body started shaking.

"Kaori…don't tell me…you're in love with Tomohiro?" Mina Hayase asked as she sits up on the bed."

"No…I won't lose like this!" Kaori proclaimed and started undressing. "Takabe-kun, I'll settle this with Hayase-san." Of course since this is a hentai world, situations like these ends with a threesome. A crack suddenly appears on the office wall and Shinn burst through it with superhuman strength, surprising the three.

"Mayu!" He still keeps screaming and continues on his merry and destructive way. After a few seconds, Saji and the others enter the office using the hole Shinn made. The three just sat on the bed dumbfounded, especially when Relena came in still wielding the chainsaw.

Lockon was the last one to enter and he notices the three. "Well, well…I'd give you a handshake but I don't want my hand to get all sticky." He said to Tomohiro and gives him a thumbs-up. "Later, guys." He waved and left the three alone in the nurse office, still dumbfounded.

* * *

**CAMPUS GROUNDS**

The gang stop in their tracks when they noticed the whole campus is covered with the poisonous gas that turns people into perverted zombies. It's thicker than before and it's all over the entire school interior. "Uh oh." Amuro said as he realizes the situation they're in. "This is bad." Suddenly they could hear moaning and laughing. The ero-zombies arrived faster than they expected and they quickly surround our heroes.

"Shit!" Char cursed and goes into a defensive pose. "We don't need this right now."

"We're so close, dammit." Saji said while gritting his teeth in frustration. "I can't take this anymore. It's impossible…we're all done for."

"What the hell are you saying, Saji?" Setsuna said. "We've gone this far, we can't give up now."

"Setsuna…but…"

"You…Goddamn…pussy!" Relena cried out in anger and grabs Saji by the collar. "I followed you all the way through here and you give up like some damned coward. Look over there!" She pointed outside. Kotonoha's boat is parked in front of the main building. Louise, Kinue and Mama Halevy are there and are standing behind Kotonoha's thugs as they fight off the ero-zombies.

"Louise! Onee-sama! Halevy-san!"

"You can't give up now, dipshit." She hissed.

"I know she's psycho but she has a point, Saji-kun." Lockon said. "C'mon, go on ahead. We'll take care of these bastards. Relena, make sure Saji makes it."

"With pleasure." She smiled sadistically.

"Holy shit, what the hell are you doing?" She spins Saji around and hurls him outside the building with superhuman strength. He painfully lands on the ground outside.

"Well that was a bit much."

"But it was satisfying." Relena smirked and dusted her hands.

The zombie horde closes in and the gang ready themselves. "I'll get Mayu back and rip these a-holes into pieces." Shinn said while cracking his neck and knuckles.

"So Amuro, want to try more Newtype combination attacks?" Char asked. "It's not everyday we get to team up."

"Heh…sure but I won't let you outdo me."

"We'll see about that."

_"Rendre." _George de Sand said. "I knew it was a bad idea to tag along but it's a pleasure to fight alongside with you idiots."

"Right on, Frenchie." Relena said and rubs her hands. "I'll go all out this time and share the true meaning of Pacifism to these mooks."

"Well then, looks like everybody is ready. We'll make sure Saji gets to rescue his family." Lockon said. "Right, Setsuna?" He asked and he just nods in agreement. "Here we go!" They all charge towards the horde and engage in an epic battle to cover Saji's back.


	10. Chapter 9

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM

Warning: Some of the humor in this fanfic may offend you.

**CHAPTER 9**

**BISHOUJO GAME WORLD **

**SAKAKINO HIGH SCHOOL**

"Louise!" Saji Crossroad cried out as he run towards the direction of the boat. Kotonoha Katsura and her men valiantly fend off the perverted zombies but they just keep coming. They swarm the boat like a pack of ants on a picnic table. "Louise!"

"Saji!" Louise's heart started racing at the sight of her beloved boyfriend. "You came to save us!"

"Oh crap!" He said while he managed to dodge the attack of an incoming zombie. Another one attacks him from the left side but he quickly rolls on the ground and evades it. "I'm coming, Louise."

"My baby brother!" Kinue said as tears of joy flow out of her eyes. "You came to save Onee-chan!" She pushes Louise out of the way and then jumps out of the boat. She proceeds to plow through the zombie horde and easily breaks through their defenses. She squeals as she leaps at Saji's arms. He catches her but his knees started shaking and slowly he goes out of balance.

"What the hell is wrong with that woman?" Mama Halevy asked no one in particular. "She's definitely not thinking right when in comes to Saji."

"You're right, mama." Louise said as she straightens out her clothes. "That was reckless of her. Jumping all of a sudden and charging at those zombies without any sign of regard for her well being."

"Well that too." Mama Halevy said. "But the nerve of that woman. Grabbing that boy before me. We'll see about that."

"…"

"What? Why are you giving me that look?"

"Mama, I think you're the one who's not thinking right."

"Did Saji finally arrive?" Kotonoha asked Louise. "What is he doing? He needs to board the boat now before the zom-

"I know you treated us well even though we're your prisoners but I won't let you take Saji for yourself." Louise said angrily and raises her fist. "I'll die before you lay your hands on him."

"The Halevy women are quite protective of their men." Mama Halevy smiled as she stood besides her daughter.

"Damn it." Kotonoha cursed. "You don't understand. Everything I did was-

"Behind you!" Louise cried out when an ero-zombie lunges at Kotonoha from behind. It grabs her and started ripping out her clothes. She tries to fight back but it was too strong.

Meanwhile, Kinue hugs Saji tightly as they roll around on the ground. She grabs his head and started rubbing his face on her chest with a crazed look on her face. "Onee-chan is giving you a prize. Onee-chan is giving you a prize."

"Onee-sama, let me go." He said and pulls away from her. "I need to save Louise and Mrs. Halevy too."

"Oh Saji-kun, it was terrible." She said while squeezing his hand. "Louise and her mother sacrificed their lives so I can escape safely. With their dying breathe, they told me to live and go on with our lives. We won't forget them, Saji. If it weren't for their noble action…I wouldn't be here with you. Let's honor their wish and get the fudge out of here." She was crying but she was obviously faking it.

"…"

"Darn…no harm in trying anyway."

"Listen, we gotta go back to that boat and save them."

"Tsk…fine." She said grumpily.

* * *

**SCHOOL CAMPUS**

Piles and piles of defeated zombies lay on the ground as Shinn and company lay waste on the incoming horde. All of them are cornered but they still keep on fighting so they can cover Saji's back. "There's no end to this." George de Sand said and kicks a zombie right on the face. "If this keeps up, we're done for."

"Suck it up, Frenchie." Amuro said while he delivers a powerful and devastating uppercut that sent another zombie flying to the sky. "Real men fight to the death! No matter how many of these bastards come charging at us, we'll send them packing back to their mothers. We'll break through their numbers with our hot blooded determination."

"Darn tootin." Char added. "We made a promise to that kid. We'll stand our ground here and win! Char Aznable, a.k.a The Red Comet, a.k.a Casval Rem Deikun, a.k.a the baddest and original motherloving masked hombre in the Gundam universe doesn't intend to lose this battle. I have dozens of cute Puru clones waiting back at home and that's enough to give me will power to fight these ass twits."

"I understand everyone's feelings but-

"Listen up, Georgie boy." Relena points her bloody machete at George's face. "If you bug out on us, I'll hunt you down, tie you up, cut you into ribbons, cut off your head and then boil it. Then I'll pay a crack addict to fornicate with your Goddamned pussy skull for two motherloving weeks."

"Isn't that a bit intense?"

"You're mistaken, Mademoiselle. I have the blood of a noble warrior and you have my word. I won't leave my comrades for my own sake, that's too cowardly." He assured her. "I am merely thinking rationally. Believe me, I want to beat these bastards as much as you guys."

"Well good thing we cleared that up." Relena said and kicks an incoming zombie on the nuts. She slaps it around and lifts the zombie up with unbelievable strength. "Besides, I'm having so much fun here. It's a lot better than sitting on some crummy office while going through all that boring political stuff." She throws the zombie at another group and they go down like bowling pins. "Best fun I had in months." She said while dusting her hands.

"I know you guys love plowing through this endless horde of zombies but I gotta rescue Mayu!" Shinn said while he beats up more ero-zombies. He grabs one from behind and performs a bone crunching German suplex.

"Just buy another cell phone, Shinn."

"I can't do that."

"Why? Because it's a precious memento from-

"No because that's my little sister!!" He screamed angrily.

"…"

Suddenly, more ero-zombies burst through the hallway doors. This time it's a group of female middle schoolers wearing PE shirts and bloomers. The poisonous gas has turned these cute young beauties into perverted zombies. They slowly advance to the group while cackling evilly. "Oh crap! More of them!" Relena cried out as she tightens her grip on the machete.

"I'll take care of these!" Char said and his eyes were sparkling with happiness and lust. He leaves the group and dashes towards the incoming horde of girls with lightning fast speed as if he's more excited then determined. He tries to fight them off but he was quickly overwhelmed. The girls' cackles grow more loudly as they…uh…attack Char or something.

"Oh no, they got Monsieur Char!" George said and he tries to charge forward in order to save him but Amuro just places his hand on his shoulder and gives him a funny but disturbed look.

"Run, you guys!" Char said while the ero-zombie girls do their…err…thing on him. "Run, while you still can." Everybody notices him fighting off a smile but failing miserably. Like he doesn't want to show them he's actually enjoying what's happening to him. Lockon just shakes his head in amusement.

"Well look on the bright side." Amuro said and scratches his head. "It's quite manly to get raped to death by brainwashed lolis."

"No, that just makes you a criminal." George disagreed. "I mean c'mon. How many times we gonna go over with the "Char is a pedophile" joke? It's been done to death and…this is just pathetic beyond comprehension. So he gets raped to death by a bunch of middle school girls wearing bloomers and-

"You are a fudging IDIOT!!" Char suddenly pulls away from the ero-zombie girls and dashes towards George. He raises his arm and punches him with all his might that sent him crashing to the campus walls. The whole building shakes violently from the impact and as the dust cleared away, Char just stood there with his cape flapping in the wind. Amuro and the others just look at him with awe, while Lockon was poking George with a stick to check if he's still alive. "You just don't understand." He said with a serious and proud expression on his face. "People may call me a pedophile or an ephebophile but one cannot hinder a man's desire! A true man's desire." He proudly raises his left arm as if he's making a speech. "People may call me a pervert….but I think that real men are perverts! There's nothing wrong being a pervert. It is in our nature, in our blood, in our very soul. The reason we have these desires is because we ought to have these desires." He then points to Amuro and the others. "Never allow yourself to be degraded by these hypocrites, these…these so-called pure minded buffoons. We must indulge in these-

"Uh…I have a question." Relena said as she raises her hand. "I know you got the hard-on for making speeches and all but what's your point?"

"GOING DOWN IN BATTLE BY GETTING RAPED IN A RONDO OF MOE LOLINESS IS THE MANLIEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ANY MAN!" Char screamed proudly at the top of his lungs while doing an epic and manly pose that would make any Gurren Lagann or any manly super robot fan proud. Relena just slaps her forehead in the sheer stupidity of the situation and sighs heavily, even though they're surrounded by perverted zombies, Char still found the time to act like a total jackass. Manly he may be; the whole topic is just too damn retarded.

"Mayu!!" Shinn screamed in frustration. His mouth started foaming and he goes on a rampage. He started spinning around as he pounds everyone and everything. He wrecks the whole place and the building started to cave in.

"Uh oh." Amuro said when he notices the ceiling breaking apart due to Shinn's rampage. "Looks like we're gonna get buried alive."

"Death by stupidity and the incestuous rambles of a Kamille Bidan knock-off." Relena said with an irritated look on her face.

"It's a miracle that a bunch of idiots like us managed to get this far." Lockon said while still keeping his cool. Setsuna just calmly nods in agreement. "So…we gonna do the "best death ever" pose or what?"

* * *

**OUTSIDE**

Saji gulped when he notices the school building collapsing. He wonders if the others made it out safely. He then looks at the boat and sees Louise waving at him. The poisonous gas around them is getting thicker and the zombies are easily overwhelming Kotonoha's goons. Some of them have already boarded the boat. "We gotta get past this horde somehow so we can get on that boat." He said.

"Leave it to Onee-sama." Kinue said proudly and she grabs Saji. Kinue then slings him over her shoulders and started running towards the zombie horde.

"Nee-sama, what're you doing?"

"Shut-up! Just stay quiet and witness the power of a sister in love." She leaps high into the air and steps on a zombie's head. She easily hops on them like stepping stones and in a matter of seconds; they managed to reach the boat.

"Saji!!" Louise cried as she runs towards him. They both embraced each other tightly.

"Louise, thank goodness you're safe." He said while still hugging her. "They didn't hurt you, did they?"

"It's strange." She said while wiping the tears from her eyes. "She treated us kindly. I don't think Katsura-san is a bad person."

"Where is she now?"

"Some of these monsters took her away; I tried to fight it off but…"

"Saji-kun!" Mama Halevy appears out of nowhere and pushes away Louise. "I miss you so much. I knew you'd come to save us." She hugs him tightly and presses his face on her chest.

"Get offa him, ya old AEU hag!" Kinue hissed as she kicks her away. "Only Kinue-onee-sama can touch Saji. He came for me, not for you two."

"Drop dead, you twisted and perverted sister." Mama Halevy then pounces on her and they have a cat fight on top of the boat. "You can't possibly satisfy him. He needs some motherly love."

"You're wrong, bitch." Kinue snipes back. "He needs some sisterly love."

"Actually, I prefer normal love." Saji said and a big sweat drop appears on his head.

"Saji, look!" Louise said while pointing something in front of the boat. Saji gasped with horror when he sees three GFAS-X1 Destroy Gundams marching towards the school gates. Dozens of Jet Windams were hovering behind them, as well as Ali Al Sarshes' custom Enact and a few Hellions piloted by his mercenary crew. The ero-zombie horde has cleared out and disappears back into the foggy gas.

"Oh crap." Saji muttered softly as he turns pale.

Yoko Saionji, complete in her magical dress costume, hovers above the boat. In her arms is an unconscious Kotonoha. The magical orbs Saji and the gang collected are now spinning above Yoko as they glow in a bright blue light.

"Well, well, looks like I win." The pilot of the lead Destroy Gundam said. It was none other than SEED creator, Mitsuo Fukuda. "I finally got this Kotonoha broad. Oh this is such a delicious moment." He laughed.

* * *

**SAJI'S APARTMENT **

With the help of Celestial Being's chief mechanic, Ian Vashti, Tieria Erde and the others managed to construct a device that could create a portal. Using the leftover residues that were emitted when Yoko Saionji magically opened a portal inside the apartment, they could now easily cross over to the Bishoujo game world in order to reach Saji. "Wow, Stellar is impressed." Stellar said. "This VEDA thingy really knows how to make a portal."

"Of course." Tieria said proudly. "VEDA knows everything."

"Okay Allelujah, time to check everything." Ian said as he pulls out a clipboard.

"Roger." Allelujah saluted.

"Okey dokey then…is the main generator from the colony laser we stole from those Titans idiots there?"

"Yup."

"Those mirror thingies we got from DOME's satellite system?"

"Check."

"The GN Drive we stole from Fereshte?"

"Check."

"The box of Gundam Wing yaoi doujins?"

"Uh…check."

"Haman Karn's pictures when she was still a sweet and non-bitchy girl?"

"Uh…errr…check."

"The head of Uso Ebbing's mother pickled inside a jar?"

"Sweet mother of God!? I mean…uh…check."

"Looks like everything is in order." Ian said with a smile. "We can activate this baby anytime."

"Are you sure?" Felt asked. "The materials we used were quite questionable. How the heck can a pickled head be considered equipment? Unless we're creating a messed-up Frankenstein monster."

"Don't worry…Stellar is sure everything will work out."

"I'm sorry Four Murasame, but the way your brain works is also questionable. Not to mention you were left frozen in a lake for months, you probably have brain damage."

"Stellar doesn't have brain damage!" She hissed. "Just because Stellar's head hurts when Stellar thinks hard doesn't mean Stellar have brain damage."

"…"

"Cut the chit chat." Tieria ordered. "We have to activate the portal now so we can finally save Lockon-chan."

"Eh!? What about Saji-kun?"

"Yeah and that spineless prick too."

"Christ, Tieria, can't you be more discreet. I know you look like a chick because the person from Loveless is the one who made our character designs. I know you and Lockon had that "Oh I'm gonna protect him this time and You can be one of us from now on, now that VEDA has been hacked" moment. I know most of the growing Gundam 00 fangirls are focusing on a Tieria x Lockon thingy. I mean Jesus H. Christ, you guys are like the new Heero and Duo." Felt babbled on. "What? This time I'm gonna be the new Relena and they're gonna hate me becuz I'm preventing you two from having "teh butt secks" just because me and Lockon had-

"Ian, activate the device now." Tieria snapped as he gags Felt's mouth. He throws her inside the closet and boarded up the door. He then puts a sign that reads _"Don't open until Gundam 00 season 2 starts"_ above the doorway. "Christ, I know her character is supposed to mature but this is ridiculous."

"Activating portal now." Ian said and he pushes the control panel near the device. A portal suddenly materialized in the middle of room and its light slowly envelops the whole place.

"Allelujah, are the Gundams ready?"

"There prepped and ready to go." He replied while pointing to the Virtue and Kyrios outside.

"Excellent." He said happily. "It's time to commence the rescue Lockon-chan operation."

"Saji-kun! We're rescuing Saji-kun!" Christina shouted.

"Yay! Stellar is going to embark on an adventure with weird people!"

* * *

**BISHOUJO GAME WORLD **

**SAKAKINO HIGH SCHOOL**

"Surprised?" Fukuda asked.

"What the hell is going on here?"

"It was all a big deception from the beginning." He answered while smacking his lips.

"What?"

"Thank you for helping us, Mr. Saji Crossroad."

"Wait a minute…aren't you working for Kotonoha Katsura?"

"That's what she thought." Yoko said. "Mitsuo Fukuda made her think he was working for her. He convinced me to join his group too."

"But why?"

"We're going to use the magical orbs to create a new world. Thanks to Yoko-san here, she showed us this Bishoujo game world. It'll make a perfect base for our new paradise. Using the power of the orbs, I will erase everything and start over from scratch. Of course this new world will be based on my vision of a perfect world."

"What kind of messed-up plan is that?" Louise asked.

"Ask yourselves. This is all your fault. Thanks to you, nobody pays attention to the upcoming SEED movie anymore. Everybody lost interest, because of this new Gundam 00 show. Bandai started milking out this new series and forgot my epic creation. Sure I may have ripped off a few elements from the UC universe, let my mentally challenged wife take over script, had a spat with the seiyus that factored in on the plot, forced Kunio Okawara to recycle a few mecha designs, a few delays on the script and forced to air clip episodes instead but we BROKE the ratings. The fandom loved us. The sale on the SEED model kits skyrocketed. The Astray manga was a hit, even though that side-story was a lot more fun than the main anime series which kinda surprised me, but anyway, I'm going to create a world free of these so-called quality Gundam shows. This time I won't make a movie, I'll make three new SEED TV series. Oh yeah, I'm gonna make Cagalli more dumber, Athrun more stupid and piss the fudge out of those annoying Cagalli and Athrun fans. I'll make more Gundam designs by endlessly recycling the Freedom. Make more annoying characters. Make Lacus the goddess of Gundam and ten times more annoying than Lyn Minmay from Macross. And the best part is: my wife will be the one writing the scripts again! Bwa hahahahahahahahaha!!"

"Y-Y-You bastard."

"This Katsura chick even had the nerve to oppose me, but I got her good. She was never evil in the first place. She just became messed-up because of what happened in School Days. She thought I was dancing on the palm of her hand. She thought she had my man, T.M. Revolution and the mercenary Sarshes on the pay roll but in truth they were actually working for me after all. I convinced this Yoko chick to join me and provided me the intel on these orbs. She was bummed out because her daughter was offed by Kotonoha. It was a good thing that Irish mook, Lockon, was a fan of the game. Thanks to you guys, we got the orbs now. Yoko planted the information when Kotonoha kidnapped your family. It was sheer luck that she set her eyes on you…everything went into motion then BAM! I also stole the machine from the now-deceased Setsuna Kiyoura. The one that spews out poisonous gas that turn people into mindless ero-zombies. I used Yoko and Kokoro's magical girl powers to amplify the machine and placed it all over so I can distract my enemies while I make my plans come into fruition. Now I'll rid these other Gundam shows and make SEED the only show of the franchise. Bwa hahahahahahaha!"

"Make SEED the only show?"

"Yup. I'll make some adjustments too. Shinn is with you right? Never liked that dude anyway. I tried to do a Kamille Bidan but it went out of control. I guess he should disappear too. In fact, I'll make them all disappear and start over. Man, I am so motherfudging indecisive. If he continues to stick with you, he might actually turn into a good character and that's a big no-no in my book."

"Uh…Saji, I think this guy is just nuts. I doubt he knows what's he's doing." Louise whispered to him.

"Now disappear!" He screamed and activates the Destroy Gundam's beam cannons. He aims at the boat and smiles. "Goodbye." He then pulls the trigger. The blast envelopes the whole boat, Saji and the others cover their faces, thinking this is the end of their lives. Miraculously, the boat wasn't destroyed. In fact it was free from any scratches of any kind. A magical force field of some sort is covering the boat while Yoko is hovering above it. The now-awaked Kotonoha grabs the orbs and jumps back at the boat. "Yoko? What the hell?"

"Katsura-chan, do it now!"

"Hai!" She nodded and chanted something at the orbs. They started glowing and a square-shaped window opens up in the air. Its shows various clips of School Days.

"Sekai…" Yoko muttered softly when she sees the image of her daughter inside the window. The orbs then disintegrated, breaking the window. Most of the principle cast of School Days now materialized out of thin air and they land on the boat. Saji and Louise look at each other, wondering what the fudge is going on.

With everyone now resurrected from the dead, Kotonoha jumps on the first two people she set her eyes on. "I miss you two so much." She sobbed as she hugs both Makoto Itou and Sekai Saionji tightly.

"Kotonoha-chan, what the heck is going on?" Asked Makoto, who was definitely confused. "Last time I remember-

"Shut up." Kotonoha said. "Just shut up, I'm just happy to see you guys back again."

"Mom?" Sekai called out to Yoko. "What the heck is going on?" Yoko didn't answer her, she just got down and hugged her daughter tightly.

"You have no idea how much I missed you." She said and takes off her magical girl mask.

"M-M-Mom!?"

"What the heck is that?" The resurrected Taisuke Sawanaga said while pointing to the three Destroy Gundams.

"O-Onee-chan." Kokoro Katsura cried out in fear and run besides her older sister, Kotonoha. The other School Days characters, Setsuna, Hikari, Nanami, Otome and her gang also huddled behind her.

"Uh…maybe we should bug out now." Kinue whispered to Saji. "I mean we have no idea who these guys are, not to mention they come from a different genre of anime, and I mean…uh…we're all here now so let's get the fudge out of here."

"I don't agree with your sister that often but I think she's right." Louise smiled nervously. "Mama has already run off minutes ago." She said and they notice Mrs. Halevy is long gone.

"Wow…mother of the year for sure." Kinue said sarcastically.

"Onee-sama, Louise, I've come this far. I know Katsura-san didn't mean any harm even though she acted like that. I just can't leave this people behind."

"You idiot, this isn't the time to be a selfless hero." Louise said and bonks him on the head.

"Adios." Kinue said and grabs Saji. She slings him over her shoulders again and jumps off. Louise then followed behind her.

"AND where the hell do you think you're going?" Fukuda said as he aims his guns at them.

"Eeeep." Louise squealed and goes behind Kinue.

"Oh don't mind us." Kinue said. "We got no beef with you. I like SEED. Go, SEED, go and all that shit. I mean I cosplayed as Lunamaria Hawke one time when JNN did a cover on those-

"Shut-up!" Fukuda shouted. "Yoko-san, I can't believe you betrayed me like this. I thought you were on my side."

"I was never on your side." She proclaimed. "I detest you. I was really with Katsura-chan, I merely acted as your ally. My priority is getting my daughter back."

_"So she was really helping us after all." _Saji thought.

"Damn you, woman. You ruined my plans. For this, I'll send you all back to hell." He then activates all of the Destroy Gundam's guns, even the two other Destroys behind him did the same. "T.M. Revolution, Sarshes, get them!"

"Yes, my Lordo!" They both replied and lead the Windam squads as they swarm over the boat.

"What the hell are these robots?" Makoto asked.

"Katsura-san!" Saji cried out and jumps off from his sister, he then climbs back aboard the boat. "We gotta do something."

"Saji-kun?"

"Who's that guy?" Sekai asked Kotonoha.

"Saji, leave now. Take your family and leave." Kotonoha ordered him.

"Hell no, after what I've seen, there's no way I'm backing down." He said with a reassuring smile.

"Why are you helping me? I kidnapped your girlfriend, sister and that…weird lady."

"You did what?" Otome asked in surprised.

"Onee-chan, you did something bad?" Kokoro asked.

"Yes…because I was missing you guys so much. I became-

"That doesn't matter now." Saji said. "You're a good person. I know because you treated Louise and others kindly. I'm staying here and going to help you guys."

"Goddammit." Kinue said as she climbs aboard the boat again along with Louise. "If he's staying then I'm staying."

"Same here." Louise said. "I got your back, Saji."

"Why?" She asked again. "I got you involved in this mess and you're helping me."

"Like I said…you're a good person."

"Oh that's so sweet." Fukuda then detaches the Destroy Gundam's arms. He locks on to the boat and licks his lips. "Sorry to rain on your parade, kiddies, but its time for you mooks to die."

"I'm grateful you're willing to help, Saji, but let's be realistic here." Yoko said. "We can't take these guys. Even if we run, they'll catch up to us. My magic is also weakening since I used too much."

"Oh no." Kokoro said. "Then I'll also lend a hand." She then transforms into Magical Heart Kokoro-chan, a magical superhero that upholds justice and things that are sickeningly cute. "Magical Heart is here to save the day."

"I knew it." Makoto said. "I knew you're Magical Heart."

"Then I'll also lend my powers." Kotonoha said and she transforms into Magical Word. Another magical superhero that…oh you get it, they uphold justice and shit and things that are cute. Jesus Christ on a pogo stick. Sekai, Nanami and Hikari also transforms into magical girls.

"It looks like the magical squad is alive again." Yoko smiled.

"What the fudge is this shit?" Asked Fukuda, who is quite baffled and perplex from the developing situation.

"I feel like puking." Kinue said.

"Wow…awesome." Saji said. He was so impressed by their transformation that his face brightens up with sheer amazement.

"Don't make me punch you, Saji." Louise gritted her teeth.

"So Saji likes magical girls." Kinue then writes it down on her note book. "Looks like I got a new strategy. I'll use it when I seduce Saji next time."

"Bah…whatever." Fukuda laughed. "That's not enough to save you. Prepare to meet your doom."

"Here they come!" Saji warned.

"Magical battle squad, to your positions." Yoko ordered and all of the magical girls go into their respective defensive positions.

T.M. Revolution then signals the Windam squads to attack. "Blast them to oblivion before they make a move." He then maneuvers his orange Windam and locks on to the boat. Before he could pull the trigger, someone suddenly jumps on the cockpit hatch outside his mobile suit.

"Give…back…my…MAYU!!" Shinn growled as he opens the cockpit doors using only his bare hands.

"Holy shit!" He exclaimed as Shinn grabs him by the hair. He then repeatedly bashes his head on the control panel. Afterwards, he searches his coat pockets and finally retrieves his sister's pink cell phone.

"This is what you get for hurting Mayu." He performs a scissor chokehold on him and snaps his neck. "See you next time, Nishikawa." He jumps off and lands on the boat. The orange Windam crashes on the ground and explodes.

"S-S-S-S-Shinn!?"

"Onii-chan was so worried." He said while snuggling his cell phone. "Anyway, Saji, we managed to get out before the building collapsed. We saw everything and we're willing to help to end this madness. Also, you didn't tell me an "imouto" is also involved." He said while staring at Kokoro. "As a caring and loving Onii-chan, this fuels my hot blooded determination to fight this Fukuda prick."

"That's right." Char Aznable said as he climbs above the cabin's roof. "A cute loli is involved and I can't stand idly by." He raises his hand as if like he's making a speech. "We'll give these assholes the most manliest of beat downs."

"I don't have any weird and freaky intentions but I'm in." Amuro Ray said as he jumps on board. "I'm the Amazingly Awesome Amuro and there's no way in hell I'm gonna pass this up. Like Char said, a manly beat down is imminent."

"I'm just here to look after you, kid." Lockon winked at Saji. "Its my duty as your employer to make sure you're safe."

Relena jumps on the middle deck and throws away her coat, revealing several combat knives. "I don't give a shit about you guys but I'm here for the mindless violence."

"Hey you're Miss Relena Peacecraft, the leader of the Sanc Kingdom and advocator of the Total Pacifism philosophy." Louise said. "What the heck are you doing here?"

"What else?" She then pulls out a mean looking machete. "To spread world peace."

"The same reason I told you back in the apartment, Saji-san." Setsuna said as he appears out of nowhere.

"Setsuna!?" Kinue said in surprise.

"Sorry we took so long." George de Sand said while climbing aboard. "They had to dig me out of the rubble."

"Guys…" Saji said softly as he goes on the verge of tears.

"Didn't I tell you to stop with that Kira Yamato crap." Relena hissed at him.

"Sorry." He apologized.

"Who the heck are these guys?" Sekai asked.

"They're idiots." Yoko replied. "But they're the kind of idiots who will help us in this messed-up situation."

"Let's go!" Saji said and points to the three incoming Destroy Gundams. Setsuna pulls out a small remote device and pushes the button. The Exia, Sazabi, Nu Gundam, Dynames, and the Gundam Rose all appear behind the boat.

"It's go time, bitches." Relena smiled.

* * *

Notes:

Imouto means younger sister in Japanese.

* * *


	11. Chapter 10

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM

Warning: Some of the humor in this fanfic may offend you.

**CHAPTER TEN**

**BISHOUJO GAME WORLD **

**SAKAKINO HIGH SCHOOL, MAIN CAMPUS GROUNDS**

Mitsuo Fukuda, the true villain of this pathetic story arc, chuckled as he slowly approaches Saji and company with his Psycho Gundam…err…I mean Destroy Gundam. The whole cast of School Days are now fully resurrected, thanks to the efforts of Katsura Kotonoha and Youko Saionji. Setsuna pulls out a switch and pushes the button. The Gundam pilots' respective Gundams materializes from thin air but unfortunately the suits vanished before they could even land on the ground. "Oh that's too bad." Fukuda laughed evilly. "This is a different world after all. You can't just call out your Gundams like that. You need to do some sort of special procedure first, isn't that right, Youko-san?"

"What just happened?" A very confused Makoto Itou asked. "Are those giant robots I saw?"

"Damn it, we're fudged." Shinn said.

"Everyone…we gotta do something." Saji said. "Before Fukuda-

"You've done enough." Youko smiled. "All of you have done what you can. I'm sorry to have dragged everyone into this mess but when I heard the legends of these magical orbs…I just had to do something. Even if I have to sell my soul to the devil, I had to get back my daughter back. I still have enough power to open a portal to your world. You all can escape before it's too late."

"Y-Youko-san…" Saji sadly lowered his head.

"Saionji-san is right." Kotonoha grabs Saji's hand and squeezes it. "I'm really jealous of Louise-chan after seeing your actions and determination. It was brief but it was worth it. Even though I only said a couple of words to you, even though it was during an unfortunate time of my life, I don't regret meeting you. You brought my friends back and for that I'm truly grateful. The only way I can repay you back is to make sure you and your friends live. Saionji-san, please hurry and open the portal."

"What's going to happen to you guys?" Louise asked.

"It was my mistake to deal with Fukuda." Kotonoha replied. "But I'll make sure he won't succeed with his plans. It is my responsibility after all."

"Then I guess this is goodbye." Relena sheathes her machete. "I do hope those ero-zombies are gone on our world. They were quite troublesome. It was fun but I need to go back to the Sanc Kingdom and make sure Noin and Pagan are alright. Cleaning up my place is gonna be a pain but hey, at least those off duty OZ soldiers will finally make good use of themselves."

Youko then waves her magical wand and opens a portal. She nods to Saji while flashing a wide smile. "Go now." Kotonoha said and points to the portal. "Mr. Stratos, you can forget about this month's protection money. It must have been hard on your establishment. I know you won't easily accept this but let me say it anyway. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for having everyone suffer this trouble."

"Yup." Lockon laughed. "You were quite the pain in the ass, little princess. Really, I was saving up for a new car but your little mafia act took most of my profit. Tieria is bawling his eyes out because I didn't have enough money to buy that teddy bear he wanted. It's pretty big and expensive."

"Lockon, that's a bit gay." Char said while raising one of his eyebrows. "Oh who am I kidding? You two are taking the Gundam fan fiction world by storm. There's enough Lockon x Tieria fics to make the Wing boys feel threatened."

"Monsieur Char, this is a serious moment." George whispered to his ear.

"Right, right…plot first. We'll proceed to the humorless parodies later."

"As I was saying…" Lockon continued. "You're right…this is your entire fault. I had enough…and I don't give a damn what happens to you and your precious school buddies. I mean you kidnapped my employee's girlfriend and sister. You even had the gall to kidnap Louise's mother. Then we had to look all over for these orbs so we can somehow convince you to return them to Saji. We got beaten, molested, jailed, betrayed, humiliated and yadda yadda."

"Lockon-san, that's enough." Saji puts his hand on his shoulder. Kotonoha just lowers her head while her clueless friends look at each other.

"No Saji, I need to tell her this. The truth is, princess, I'm very happy and very relieved that this is happening. You got your just rewards, Katsura and I'm laughing with sheer delight. This whole pathetic scene is gonna make me smile for days. You finally got what you wanted but only to have it get ripped away from you moments after. I don't believe in karma but I'm sure as hell going to be extra happy if I did. Good riddance, I say. Gonna burn my School Days games the moment I get home. Good freaking riddance." He then grabs Youko's wand and points it to the portal. He waves it around in random directions and the portal disappears. He tosses the wand back to Youko afterwards. "That's what a normal person would say…but I ain't that normal." He smiled. "Sure, that all happened and stuff. We all got dragged into this mess like you said but…"

"We chose to get dragged into it." Saji finished. "The letter you left said that Lockon knows where to find you. The thing is, we all could have went straight to your location and busted the place up. But we didn't…we went deeper into this magical orbs thing, knowing the risks. I just realized this now, Lockon knew you longer than we have and I think this is the straw that broke the camel's back. He decided to do something and somehow, even though we didn't say anything, we all agreed. I agreed." He then glances at Char and company. All of them nodded in agreement, including Louise and Kinue.

"Uh-huh." Char said. "I guess the boy is right."

"That settles it then." Amuro said while fixing the collar of his jacket.

"We're staying. Not because we can't but because we chose to. We all followed Saji-kun here even though we know it's gonna be messy. I mean c'mon, we experienced some bad stuff but we all had fun, right? That bar fight on Sanc was hella good. Even though if we're the ones who started it."

"Right." Saji nodded. "Katsura-san, I don't care what led you to do this but I'm staying here and I'm going to help you guys. You're a good person because you treated Louise and the others with kindness and I'm very grateful for that. We're gonna stand here with you and your friends. I don't care about the fandom…we're doing this because we want to and we think its right."

"This is not about me being an annoying little ass in an already messed up show." Shinn said and proudly pounds his chest.

"Or the unnatural worship of the UC elitist assholes to my character. Oh and the lolicon jokes. Ped comet is so Goddamned overrated." Char smiled and gives a thumbs-up. "Like I said…it's a complex not a _phillia_. Big difference. Really big."

"Right." George said while giving him a weird look. "A complex."

"Or the incessant barkings of majority of the Wing Yaoi fan girls about me being a stalker to Heero and my character's WTF moments in Gundam Wing." Relena said and pulls out her machete again.

"I am Gundam." Setsuna said with his usual stoic demeanor.

"That's right!" Mama Halevy pops out from the boat's cabin.

"Damn." Kinue clicked her tongue in annoyance.

"Mama, I thought you left already." Louise said and hugs her mother tightly.

"I'm sorry I just had to use the little MILF's room." She said as she hugs back Louise. "I heard everything and I am so proud of Saji-kun."

"Everyone." Kotonoha, who is in verge of tears, said softly. "I did those things and yet…yet you still choose to help me." She then runs towards Saji and buries her face on his chest. She proceeds to loudly cry her heart out. Blushing, Saji just caress her hair. Lockon winks at him and his face gets even redder.

"I'll let this slide, Saji." Louise said while wiping her own tears.

"I really don't know what's going on here but…" Makoto said after stepping out from Otome's group who are huddled near the cabin doors. "If all of you are willing to help Katsura-san then…"

"We'll give you all the support you need!" Sekai finished his sentence and winks at Makoto. "I'm sure everyone will agree."

"You can count on us!" Hikari cheered along with Nanami.

"I'll…help too." Otomoe Katou, a girl who bullies Kotonoha in school, said in a hesitant tone. "Don't get me wrong…I'm doing this for…Makoto…not for her."

"I'll help too of course." Taisuke said while raising his arm. "Anything for Kotonoha-chan!"

"Same here." Setsuna Kiyoura said calmly.

"Thank you." Kotonoha said as she pulls away from Saji. "I don't know what to say…I'm lucky I have you guys…and even lucky to meet Saji and his friends."

Yay!" Kokoro-chan squealed with excitement. "I'm happy that a lot of people will help Onee-chan. I'll do my best as Magical Heart Kokoro-chan."

"I'm sure you will." Char said as he lifts up Kokoro. "Char onii-chan is happy that little Kokoro-chan cares for her older sister. Char onii-chan likes little girls who care for their siblings."

"Char. Put. The. Girl. Down." Warned Amuro. "Do you want this already crappy fanfiction to get banned? I mean we're already stretching things out with these stupid crossovers and that Puru orgy we had a couple of chapters ago."

"Oh you're no fun." He then puts down Kokoro and pats her head. Her face shines as she giggles and her eyes sparkle with pure moe goodness. "Kawaii!!" He screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Is the gay boo-hoo party over already? I don't have all day here." Fukuda growled as he finishes his lunch inside the cockpit of his Destroy Gundam. "Oh whatever! All units attack that very nice boat and make sure these insolent fools die!!"

"Yes sir!!" All of the soldiers cheered.

"Now all that melodramatic sappy crap is over…it's time to start with the massive kickassery, people." Relena licked her lips while twirling her blade. "Here they come!"

"Time for some payback!" Ali Al Sarshes smiled as his Enact charges towards the boat. His mercenary squad following right behind him.

"Inspiring talk and all but we don't have a chance here." Shinn gulped and notices the three Destroy Gundams starting to move again. "Not without our Gundams."

"You stupid fool!" Amuro punches him so hard on the face it could give Captain Bright Noa an epic boner. "Don't rely on your machine just because you're a Gundam pilot. We're men! We'll look danger right in the eye and prove that we can overcome its impossibilities. These frail mobile suits are no match for our burning soul and hot blooded determination."

"Preach it, Amuro baby." Char cheered while waving his arms like an idiot.

"Where's the logic in that?"

"Idiot." Amuro smiled. "We've come this far and I think we're way past on the realms of logic."

"Wha-huh!?"

"Amuro-san is right." Saji said and grabs a hold of the boat's steering wheel. The look on his face is serious and determined. Louise couldn't help but blush after seeing his boyfriend acting all cool.

"Uh…Saji, what're you doing?" Kinue asked.

"We got incoming!!" Shinn yelled and points to the missiles flying to their direction. Sekai and Kotonoha both hide behind Makoto.

"I hope we don't get a bad ending." The boy said in a cynical tone.

"YOUKO-SAAAAN!!" Saji screamed as he turns the boat's steering wheel.

"Gotcha!!" Fukuda squealed when the missiles hits their target. "Oh yeah…die you miserable maggots. This is what happens to the people who oppose me. They get burn to ashes."

_"Fukuda-sama, I'm still detecting some movements."_ One of the Destroy Gundam pilots informed through the radio.

"Nani!? But the missiles…"

Coming out of the smoke, the boat launches to the air thanks to Youko Saionji's magic. Saji's grip on the wheel tightens as the boat flies while shinning in a golden bright light. Most of the School Days characters stood in awe as the cool and refreshing wind struck their shocked faces. "Remember this, Fukuda!" Saji cried out in anger and determination. "No matter how deep the new generation bury the Gundam franchise, how much it twist its fandom with it's filthy and bony fingers, we're still gonna keep getting up. No matter how much it give the characters androgynous designs so it can taint its very heart and milk out the very last sap of the franchise's life. We know we can't deny that. Whether we like it or not it's already a part of it. But you…you perverted it and claimed it as your own. We're all here…old and new characters combined. Free from the restraints and chains of memes and elitism. Universal Century or alternate universes. You may mess around the capitalistic merchandising of the franchise but you can never touch the very soul of our characters. We're here to fight for tomorrow!!"

"What the BLEEP are you babbling about!"

"IKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" Saji screamed as he maneuvers the boat towards Fukuda and his forces in an epic and breath taking suicide run. Speaking of epic, if y'all reading this then I suggest you play Shoko Nakagawa's _happily ever after_ during the following scenes. It's cool and it somewhat fits the atmosphere. Anyhoo…

"Saji-kun, I misjudged you." Youko said as she powers up the boat with magical energy. "But…how we are gonna defeat them. We can't just blindly charge at them like this."

"Wait a minute…isn't this a bit…" Otome said while growing anxious as the boat nears the three towering Gundams.

"Interesting!" Relena squealed with joy "This is interesting."

"Sarshes, what the hell are you doing? Take them out now!" Fukuda barked. "Shoot them down! Shoot them down!"

"Righty yo, boss. I do get paid for this." He smiled and locks on to the boat. "Taking out that Krugis brat would be quite…what the!?" He didn't realize Setsuna had already jumped at his suit and stuck a plastic explosive on the cockpit hatch's exterior. He jumps back to the boat and pulls out a detonator. Ali frowned at the boy's emotionless face, as if he's mocking him. Before he could say anything, Setsuna pulls the switch and the Enact's cockpit explodes, incinerating Ali.

"Oh you useless mercenary!" Fukuda growled in anger. "Unit two and unit three, destroy that boat."

"Roger that, sir." Both the Destroy Gundam pilots replied and started moving in for the kill.

"Oh shitty crappity shit, Kunio Okawara abominations at three o' clock." Amuro pointed out.

"Oooooryaaaaa!" Saji grunted loudly as he steers the wheel to avoid the nearest Destroy Gundam's hand from reaching them. The suit's eyes flashes as its right hand detaches from the body and follows the boat's tail.

"Rocketo Puuuuuuunch!" The pilot cried out like a giddy little boy.

"Leave it to me." Relena then puts an Ash Ketchum cap or Satoshi if you hate 4kids or if you're a weaboo. "Beam chain saw, I choose you!" She leaps into the air and buries the chain saw on the remote controlled hand. Sparks and metal plates fly as she drags the chain saw to the other end of the arm, completely and impossibly slicing it in half. Char just scratches his head while Amuro keeps muttering about her burning soul and how it kicked logic's ass. Before the hand explodes, she latches on to the hatch exterior of the Destroy Gundam's cockpit and proceeds to dismantle it. After a few seconds, she managed to get inside the cockpit and smiles sadistically at the frightened pilot. She drops the chain saw and removes her jacket, revealing several tools of torture. "I'm the doctor, you're the patient and this is surgery." She moaned.

Everybody on the boat flinched when they heard the pilot screaming and the maniacal laughter of Relena. Mama Halevy faints and Lockon catches her. "I am so proud of schizophrenia right now." Shinn said and Setsuna quietly nods in agreement. A few seconds later, a smiling and glowing Relena comes out of the cockpit and jumps back on the boat using a grappling hook. With its pilot…uh…disabled…uh….incapacitated or relieved, the Destroy Gundam falls face first on the ground, shaking up the main campus.

"One down, two to go." Char pointed out.

Several squads of Jet Windams fire Mk438 missiles at the boat but Sekai, Hikari and Nanami pull out a large vacuum cleaner and suck all of the missiles before they hit the boat. "Your futile attacks are no match for our secret technological weapon." Sekai winked.

The other Destroy Gundam then goes into attack mode and fires both of its high energy cannons. Youko quickly puts a magical force field around the boat and deflects the beam blasts. Saji notices her growing weak, having used too much of her power. "Youko-san, are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Saji-kun. We have to continue with our attack."

"But mom…you don't look so well." Sekai protested. "We have to pull out."

"No! If we pull out then Fukuda will win. He won't waste time destroying this world…our home."

"Then…" Amuro Ray steps in front and takes off his jacket. "…we have to speed up our attacks. Saji, maneuver this boat towards the Destroy Gundam, near its head. Lockon, I believe some of Katsura's men have a sniper rifle."

"Don't worry…I got one here." He said and pulls out a mean looking AWM or an Arctic Warfare Magnum, equipped with 7mm Remington Magnum rounds. As the boat nears the Destroy Gundam, Lockon aims and fires. The bullet hits the forehead of the Gundam and disables its camera system.

"Now how the heck did that bullet penetrated through thick layers of metal alloy?" George asked. "I mean that's impossible."

"Our burning souls, Georgie boy. Our burning souls are kicking logic's ass." Amuro told him.

"Forget I asked."

"More like he summoned the spirit of Kurtz Webber. Hey…I made a seiyu joke." Shinn laughed. "Whoppee doo."

"Zing!" Char said and waves his arms around.

"And you guys think you have psychological issues." George said as he turns his attention to the School Days characters. "These guys will have Freud and Jung writhing in the afterlife."

"Alright…CHAAAAR! Get in position!" Amuro ordered.

"Yes sir!" Char saluted.

"Look closely, you Gundam bishounen ass hats." Amuro said and poses along with Char. "You want love between Gundam male characters…then we'll show how you do it."

"Destroy Gundam is starting to activate its back-up cameras." Saji informed them.

"Amuro, I hate you but I love doing this with you."

"Same here, you messed-up lolicon." He countered with a smile. "I hate you but we have to show these kids how things are done."

"Okay…here's something we borrowed from G Gundam…let's do it, Amuro."

"Here we go! Combining our energy! ERUPTING BURNING FINGER SEKIHA LOVE-LOVE TENKYOKEN!!" This devastating attack destroys the whole upper portion of the Destroy Gundam, leaving only the legs and hips. Even a gigantic Psycho Gundam rip-off wasn't a match for these two. Their attack was so powerful it sent shockwaves all around the city and temporarily messed with reality and time. Everyone suddenly find themselves in the Kanokon universe. Setsuna F. Seie is now Kouta Oyamada and Marina Ismail is now the big breasted Chizuru Minamoto. Marina smothers Setuna with her ample assets while everyone, who are dressed up as various Kanokon characters, watches with their mouths open.

"What in the flying BLEEP was that? I mean that was so BLEEP up. That's wasn't right…that wasn't right all!" A baffled George screamed with horror after reality went back to normal.

"That's the power of our burning souls." Amuro smirked as he stood back to back with Char, looking smug and cocky. "Our burning souls kicked-

"We get it. Geez. You don't have to shove it in our throats for Gihren's sakes." Shinn said and rolls his eyes.

"I think this fanfiction is getting so stupid that reality and time couldn't handle it." Lockon whispered to Setsuna, and again he only responded by just silently nodding his head.

"I-I-Impossible." Fukuda said in surprise. "It looks like I underestimated you people. But I won't lose that easily." He types something on his control panel and five more Destroy Gundams appear behind him. "I forgot to mention that I've been building a base here in this world for quite some time now. In other words…I own this place."

"Son of a bitch." Saji gritted his teeth.

"Hah! Like that's gonna stop us." Relena sneered. "Even if you send a thousand of these we'll just keep plowing through them. We won't lose to the likes of you, right, Saji?"

"Definitely." He replied and continues charging towards Fukuda.

"Hey…uh…" Sekai struggled with her words. "I know this is a bit of an understatement but I think this is just crazy now. There are like five more of those things. I think this is the part where we start thinking rationally."

"Sekai-chan…umm…can I call you Sekai-chan? Since Lockon forced us to play the visual novel game, calling you a supporter of Makoto's fling with Katsura is an understatement." Shinn said. "Anyway if you think this is crazy…if the thought of it seems crazy then…you weren't crazy enough to begin with." He smiled and I think it's time to switch the music to _Shura _by DOES as the boat continues its suicide charge.

"Windams and Destroy units…attack them all at once." Fukuda growled as he begins to get nervous.

"Yeah…if you think this is crazy then it's about to get crazier." Relena smacked her lips with anticipation.

The Destroy Gundams fire all of their guns at the boat but thanks to Youko's magical shield, the beams got deflected. "Lolicon!" Shinn points to Char.

"Siscon!" Char pointed back.

"Morons!" Relena points to both of them. "Let's jump to the nearest one and decimate it."

"Aye!" The three of them then charge towards the nearest Destroy but Char and Relena stopped in their tracks at the last minute. Char then grabs Shinn by the collar.

"On second thought…" He smiled.

"Let's just toss Shinn." Relena snickered and both of them hurls Shinn to towards the gigantic mobile suit.

"Idiots…witness the power of an Onii-chan!!" He screamed. "SEED mode!" He yelled and his eyes go red as his pupils disappear. He punches through the Destroy Gundam and burst out from the other side.

"That was a splendid idea, Ojou-sama." Char said.

"Indeed it was." Relena agreed.

"Get out of the way!" Shinn cried out in rage and latches on to the next Destroy Gundam. He hugs the Gundam's face, blocking the main camera.

"What the hell!? Hey…get this punk out of my unit's face." The Destroy pilot said in irritation. "Get off, you prick. You're blocking my view."

"I got him, Charlie." Another pilot said and shoots the Destroy Gundam's cockpit, killing the other pilot. "Oooooooooh…crap."

"Oh you stupid sons of bitches!!" Shinn screamed as he falls down. Thankfully, Relena uses her grappling hook to swing around and catches him before he falls. Also with her is Setsuna, hugging her from behind. Before she could swing back to the boat, he jumps to the Destroy Gundam that destroyed…no pun intended…the other Destroy Gundam. He opens the cockpit hatch by overriding the emergency switch. He jumps in, beats the living daylights of the pilot, tosses him outside of the suit, gets out, climbs up on the Gundam's shoulders and jumps back to the boat. Everybody clap their hands from his efficient and clockwork performance.

"That was very mean of you, Char." Shinn said while panting.

"Hey at least we got three of them."

"Blast it! Attack! Attack! Windams, attack!" Fukuda ordered as he grows frustrated.

Hundreds of Windams swarm around the boat and put up a barrage of beam blasts and missiles. The magical shield grows weaker from the continuous pounding of artillery and beams. Youko slowly becomes pale as her magical energy seeps away from her body. She then collapses and the shield disappears. "Mom!" Sekai quickly runs towards her side and catches Youko before she hits the floor.

"F-Forgive me…I'll try again." She said weakly.

"No!" Saji cried out. "You rest there. Leave everything to us."

Seeing the opportunity, the Windams attack again with a barrage of missiles. "Amuro-san…Char-san…do that love thingy again."

"No can do, buddy. We can only do that once per week." Char said.

"Once per week?! Then we're finished."

"Then you better start evading like crazy, Saji!" Louise said.

"You're not going to let Onee-sama die will you?" Kinue sniped at him. "I'm still young and I haven't-

"Saji-kun!" Mama Halevy pushes Kinue away. "I'm too young to die!!"

"Like hell!" Kinue then grabs a fistful of her hair and repeatedly bashes her head to the floor. "You saggy old hag! How dare you trick my cute little brother!"

"Mayuuuuuuu!!" Shinn cried out and hugs his pink cellphone.

"What the hell happened to the rousing speech we did a while ago?" Relena asked while raising one of her eyebrows. "Things get a little bit sour and you're all running like a bunch of headless chickens. Hey Char, teach these mooks a thing or-

"Kokoro-chan, let us consummate our love before we meet our end." Char said and starts undressing in front of Kotonoha's little sister. "We shall-

"MotherBLEEP!!" Relena kicks him on the balls and drags him away from Kokoro. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Oh dear…we're dead." George sighed as the missiles neared.

"Ta-daaaaan! Deus Ex Machina is here! GN-005 Nekomimi Virtue Gundam is here to save the day-nya." The Gundam Virtue…with…ugh…cat ears appears out of nowhere and fires its GN Bazooka at the missiles, destroying them all. The Gundam lands at the rear of the boat and the cockpit hatch opens. Tieria Erde, wearing a maid outfit and cat ears, comes out of the cockpit hatch. "Lockon-chan, I've come to rescue you-nya!"

"God…kill me now." Relena said in horror.

"Tieria!?" Lockon said in surprise. "How did you? What are you doing here?"

"No time for explanations-nya." He said.

"Uh…well judging from your outfit and the nya…we really do need an explanation." Amuro said. "Please, we really do need an explanation."

"It's a s-e-c-r-e-t…nya." Tieria winked a he tries to act cute and moe.

"There is no greater horror than this."

"G-Savior." Kinue said.

"Oh…right."

"Wait a minute, did he say GN-005 Nekomimi Virtue Gundam?" Asked Shinn. "I don't remember-

"Allow me to explain." Robert Spacey suddenly pops out. "The GN-005 Nekomimi Virtue Gundam is another variation of the GN-005 Virtue."

"Duh."

"It's pilot, Tieria Erde, having don a maid outfit and a pair of cat ears, provides this mighty Gun-

"Get the BLEEP out!" Shinn kicks him off the boat. "That's the most stupid MSV explanation I've heard."

Suddenly, the GN-003 Gundam Kyrios appears and shoots down a couple of Windams. "Oh yeah! Allelujah is here too." Lockon cheered. "Wait a minute…who's looking after the bar?"

* * *

**LOCKON'S BAR**

Hey sour cola, check this out." Chronicle Asher pulls out a picture of a naked Tieria sleeping next to Lockon from the cashier.

"Hey, it's Colasour and I thought we're gonna loot this place?" Patrick said and takes the picture away from Chronicle. "C'mon…bring out the cash!"

"Hey guys, I was like watching the first episode of Cream Lemon last night…and the guy who voices the big brother sounded like Kamille Bidan." Jerid Messa said while sitting in front of the bar. Deep bags are under his eyes and his whole body is twitching. "Am I am going crazy? Am I? Am I?"

"Dude, go drink some more." Chronicle then gives Jerid a bottle of tequila. "And leave us alone, nobody likes you."

"I…I…I like you."

"…"

* * *

**BISHOUJO GAME WORLD **

"Stellar kick!" Stellar Loussier cried out and kicks away an attacking Windam. She managed jumped out from the Kyrios Gundam along with Christina Sierra and both girls land on the boat. "Shinn! Stellar is happy to see you!"

"Oh my freaking God! The dead are walking!" Shinn screamed in horror and runs around in circles.

"Oh Stellar is not dead."

_"Unfortunately." _Chris thought.

"B-B-But…how?"

"Oh Stellar was just severely wounded but Shinn thought Stellar is dead so Shinn made a quick and foolish decision to bury Stellar in frozen lake. Thankfully, even though Stellar got frozen, Stellar survived."

"Again…you guys think you got psychological problems." George told the School Days cast. "These brain dead monkeys are the poster boys of love gone terribly wrong."

"Sierra-san, what're you doing here?" Saji asked.

"Crossroad-san…I've decided to be honest to myself. I came here to rescue you and…and…" She started blushing. "I've come here to tell you that I like you and I don't care if you have a girlfriend."

"Eeeeh!?"

"Oh brother." Louise slaps her forehead.

"I can't approve of this!" Kinue protested. "I can't accept another girl going after my cute and adorable brother."

"Same here." Mama Halevy said.

"What the hell is going here!? Bah…I don't have time for this! Attack!" Fukuda and the rest of his forces charge towards the boat.

"Char, we are so fudged." Amuro said.

"Yup." He nodded. "Oh yeah…I almost forgot…my Pizza Hut coupon. What did that delivery guy said again? If I use this something will…"

* * *

**PIZZA HUT MAIN HEADQUARTERS**

**MEETING ROOM**

"So that concludes our meeting." Lelouch Lamperouge a.k.a C.C.'s new assistant said as he slams his fist on the table. Since everybody thinks he's dead both he and C.C. decided to focus on running the Pizza Hut Empire and sponsor more animes because capitalism is freaking awesome. Zero Requiem my ass when you got dipping sauce and garlic sticks. "We're going to remove the garlic sauce and replace it with-

"Excuse me…" A female secretary interrupts them. "But we got an emergency."

"What kind of emergency?" He asked sharply.

"One of our customers…well…this particular customer has been our customer of the month for three years running. A couple of days ago, he ordered his 500th pizza and received our special "Black Knights mecha gangbang reinforcement" coupon. We just received information that this customer has just used the said coupon."

"Then that means I have to put on that silly Zero get up again and lead an army of Burais. Great. Anyway what's the name of this customer?"

"A Mr. Char Aznable, sir."

"Come again?"

"Mr. Char Aznable."

"Char…Char…oh snap…you mean that Char." Lelouch then points to a portrait of Char on the upper wall of the meeting room. The painting shows him semi-naked and mud wrestling with middle school girls. The title of customer of the month is printed below the portrait. "Egads…this man is a VIP. He's the one who thought of our famous special C.C. lolita plushie doll. If you recall, those dolls sold like hotcakes. Inform the men immediately, we're going to save a hero."

* * *

**STORY NOTES:**

happily ever after - is a Gurren Lagann insert song by Shoko Nakagawa

Shura - is a the third ending theme of Gintama anime. The song was done by DUNES.

Siscon - Sister Complex

Kanokon - is a 2008 ecchi anime based on a series of light novels. Originally, I was going to post a link of a picture showing Gundam 00 characters in the Kanokon universe but I decided againts it.

Robert Spacey - is the main character of the Gundam 00 sidetory, 00V. Robert explains all the details about the different variations of the AD mobile suits.

Cream Lemon - A series of hentai OVAs during the 80's. The brother in the first episode does sound like Kamille Bidan. I wonder if Nabuo Tobita did his voice.

Of course, you have to watch the School Days anime to know most of the SD characters. Anyhoo, I hope everybody enjoys this chapter and I'm sorry if things went a little...too far and crazy.


	12. Chapter 11

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM…AND SCHOOL DAYS.

Warning: Offensive and disturbing humor.

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

**HENTAI GAME WORLD**

**SAKAKINO HIGH SCHOOL, MAIN CAMPUS GROUNDS**

"AAAAAAAAAAND WE'RE BACK!" Shinn Asuka said happily. "It's been a darn while after this blasted story has been updated and I say it's time to finish this story arc of epic fail proportions once and for all."

"Uh…Monsieur Shinn, who are you talking to?" George de Sand asked.

"Well time to do some recapping." Shinn ignored the Frenchman's question. "Saji Crossroad's girlfriend, Louise Halevy, has been kidnapped by Kotonoha Katsura, one of the main heroines of the infamous hentai game turned anime, School Days. Not only that, Mama Halevy and Kinue Crossroad also got kidnapped. With the help of his friends, Saji ventured to different places to collect three magical orbs. Using these orbs, he hopes to resurrect Katsura's dead friends and convince her to release Louise and the others."

"This is really unnecessary, Shinn." Lockon told him. "I mean the readers could just check out the past chapters."

"Saji managed to find the orbs with the help of Youko Saionji, a minor character from School Days and the mother of Sekai." The ZAFT pilot continued. "Unfortunately, upon traveling to the Hentai game world, Saji uncovered a frightening conspiracy. Everything was orchestrated by Mitusuo Fukuda, the dreaded creator of Gundam SEED and Gundam SEED Destiny. He was using Katsura and the others, hoping to use the magical orbs to conquer not only the Gundam universe but others as well. Instead of running back home, Saji and friends decided to protect Katsura and her newly resurrected friends and stop the evil Fukuda from achieving his plans. Fukuda deployed numerous Destroy Gundams around the city and when all hope is lost, several more of Saji's friends appear to save the day."

"And everything falls apart after that." Relena Peacecraft pointed to Christina Sierra hugging Saji tightly.

"Oh my sweet beloved Saji-kun!" The former bridge bunny squealed with delight as she rubs her face on the young man's chest. "Please accept my love."

"You're testing my patience, Saji." Louise cracked her knuckles while a murderous aura emanates from her.

"Louise, I know my character in this universe is your typical indecisive loser you usually find in any of your favorite ecchi harem anime but I'm begging you not to feed the stereotype by pummeling me to death." He said.

"Look at me~nya!" Nekomimi maid Tieria Erde danced in front of Lockon.

The Irish Gundam Meister rubbed his forehead in exasperation and sighed. "Ah my sanity is breaking apart. Looking at Tieria in that get up is a lot worse than looking Cthulhu straight in the eye. I mean does Cthulhu even have eyes?"

"Wait!" Stellar Loussier raised her hand. "Stellar wants to know what happened to Allelujah and Tieria's Gundams. When we came here they were using the Virtue and the Kyrios, now they've changed into the Seravee and Arios! I hope this is not one of Stellar's weird hallucinations. Stellar did forget to take Stellar's happy pills this morning."

"Take a chill pill, Four Murasame." Lockon said.

"Stellar takes a lot of pills."

"Err…I see." He chuckled nervously. "Well it's because that prick of a writer took his sweet time updating this story. The second season of Gundam 00 is now midway so we got some major retconning to do."

"Oh…Stellar understands now."

"Okay, can we continue with the story now!" Saji pushed Chris away.

"By all means, Saji." Amuro Ray placed his hand on his shoulder. "By all means. Now let's get this shit over with."

"Well then!" Fukuda laughed. "I had enough of your drama! Die, you miserable insects! Burn away to oblivion!" He maneuvered his Destroy Gundam towards the very nice boat. "I'll crush you to dust! Bwahahahahahaha!"

"Damn it!" Lockon suddenly grabbed Tieria and tossed him inside the Seravee's cockpit hatch. "Do something, you purple-haired moron!"

"Your wish is my command~nya." He giggled and closed the hatch. He put on his serious face after activating the Gundam's GN Drive. "I will do everything to ensure Lockon-chan's safety." The Seravee launched away to fight off the incoming Destroys.

"This is bad." Youko frowned as the gigantic Gundam units surround the boat. "We gotta do something or we're done for."

"Mom." Sekai went behind her mother and clutched her hand.

"Saji." Kotonoha called out. "There is still time to open another portal. You all have to escape now. You did everything you could…the thought alone is enough for me. So please, take your friends and escape. This is our atonement after all. You all have to escape now or else-

"DAMN IT!" The young Japanese-American tightened his grip on the boat's steering wheel. "Remember the time I first met you. I mentioned something about your eyes. It's not because you're in that crazy state. I saw something. I saw sadness and…and I wanna do something about that sadness. I know it's not in my place but damn it, I wanna do something about it."

"Saji…"

"And I damn well am gonna do something about it." He glanced at her. "As a man it's my duty to help out a girl in need."

"And let's go do it." Setsuna stood beside him. "By our own will, let's destroy this distortion."

"Setsuna." The young man flashed a wide grin.

"When we get home, I wonder what you guys will have for dinner." The Krugis boy said softly as he puts on his 00 Gundam mask.

"Well I'm thinking of making hot pot for everyone tonight." Louise approached them. "You know what they say: eating from one pot makes for closer relationship."

"That sounds kinda…nice." Setsuna cracked his knuckles. "Are you guys going to invite me?" He asked.

"Setsuna, that's the first time you-

"Of course!" Mama Halevy and Kinue both interrupted.

"Yeah." Saji nodded. "Of course we're gonna invite you. You're our neighbor after all…and a cherished friend."

"Then let's go and kick the bad guy's ass." Louise smiled. "So we can go home and have that hot pot."

"You're lucky to have people like them, Saji." Kotonoha smiled weakly.

"This boy is special after all." Youko giggled.

"Yeah. That's why I hired this mook." Lockon chuckled and pulled out another sniper rifle. "I got a good eye for people."

"Let's go, Katsura-san." Saji offered his hand to the girl.

"Yeah." She took it with a smile. "Let's go."

"That's settles it then." Amuro Ray puts on his jacket. "Stand resolute, everyone. Stand up straight, look forward to tomorrow and…

"TO HELL WE RIDE!!!" Char Aznable finished as he stomped his foot and pointed at the incoming enemies.

"Heh." George pulled out his sword. "Everyone is acting all cool and that's kinda inspiring."

"My blood is boiling and pumping hard." Relena Peacecraft took off her cape and coat, revealing several swords, blades, daggers and any sharp objects you can think of. "Fear is the mind of oblivion because for fear and oblivion I shall bring to them." She said while licking her lips. "Doesn't makes sense but it sounds cool."

"Ikuso!" Saji steered the boat towards Fukuda's Gundam for one final suicide run. "I'll take you out and protect everyone!"

"Come and get me, you bunch of insects!" Fukuda laughed.

For the following scenes I suggest playing _Hakanaku mo Towa no Kanashi _by UVERworld or a.k.a the first opening of Gundam 00 season two. I think the song fits and of course I'm a big weaboo. Anyway…

"Stellar's blood is boiling with excitement! Stellar is all hot and bothered! Stellar wants to make manly face NOW!" She squealed like an idiot while the others slowly slide away from her and her insane babble.

"I got you now!" A Destroy Gundam pilot said while locking on the boat.

"Like hell." Lockon aimed his sniper rifle. "Lockon Stratos, sniping the target." He said and fired a shot. The bullet hits one of the Gundam's eyes and destroyed the main camera.

"I-I-Impossible!" The pilot gasped. "How was that possible? That guy only used a regular gun that fire regular bullets! It's not even a beam weapon! How the hell did he disabled my camera using that small thing?"

"Because I'm Lockon Stratos!" He proudly pounded his chest.

"Obviously the sniper rifle was gay for Lockon." Shinn said behind him. "It was so gay for him that when he pulled the trigger, the bullet distorted the very laws of physics. Now let's see how the International Gundam Society could take on that."

"Moron." Lockon bonked him on the head. "Our burning manly passion is not bounded by logic. That is the reason why my gun disabled your camera." He then pointed at the Gundam. "Now Tieria! Take him out!"

"Roger~nya!" Nekomimi Tieria responded and went in front of the Destroy. He combined his two GN Bazookas together and aimed it at the enemy. "Double Bazooka. Burst mode!" He pulled the trigger and made a large hole on the Destroy Gundam's body. The boat quickly flies away before the mobile suit explodes. "I poured all my feelings on that shot, Lockon-chan~nya."

"Go away." The Irishman responded coldly. "And stop saying nya, you freak. You disgust me."

"Shit. We got another one coming." Makoto Itou pointed at another Destroy Gundam and this time the gigantic mobile suit has Windams for support. "That thing has other…smaller robots with…him…" He voice trailed off.

"Leave it to me." Relena pulled out two sharp katanas. "Oh and they're called mobile suits, man whore."

"M-Man whore!?"

"Every hentai male protagonists are man whores."

"Let's go together, Relena ojou-sama." George stood beside her, brandishing his own sword.

"Right." She smiled. "Let's go!"

The Destroy then detached both of its hands and fired several beam cannons at the boat. "Crap!" Saji gritted his teeth as he dodged the beam blasts. "A little closer and we're goners."

"Bastard." Relena jumped on one of the arms. She buries her two katanas and drags them all the way to the end. She jumped at the next one before the arm explodes.

This time its George's turn to attack and he swiftly cuts off all of the fingers of the hand. "Heh. You're not worthy to be cut down by my blade but I'll make an exception." He finished the flying detachable arm by ramming his sword through the propulsion engine and jumped back to the boat before it explodes.

Relena was laughing like a maniac after latching on the outside hatch of the Destroy's cockpit. She destroys the external control panel, forcing the cockpit to open. "Why hello there." She greeted the pilot while licking her lips.

"Damn it!" The pilot pulled out a gun but she quickly disarmed him. "You stupid bitch! You'll pay for that."

"Right." She gave him a sharp knee to the gut.

"You're Relena Peacecraft of the Sanc Kingdom. You're supposed to be peaceful and all. What happened to the pacifism crap you and you're family been babbling about? So it's nothing but bullshit after all."

"It's not bullshit, my good man." She pulled out a grenade. "Oh there will be peace. There will be peace all right. Except…peace can only be achieved after destroying those who oppose peace."

"Huh?"

"_Sic vis pacem, para bellum_."

"What did you say?"

"It's Latin, dumbass." She flashed an evil grin. "If you wish for peace, prepare for war." She then shoved the grenade through the pilot's mouth and pulled the pin. "Ta ta." She waved and used a grappling hook to return to the boat. The grenade blows up the pilot and the Destroy Gundam falls flat on the ground.

"Note to self: Relena Peacecraft is the personification of war." Shinn wrote on his notebook.

"That was pacifism." She stuck her tongue out.

"If that was pacifism then I'm a great Gundam character."

"Just who the hell are you people?" Nanami Kanroji asked. Her face is pale and white like snow.

"And the last one is…"

"BASTAAAARDS!!!" Fukuda screamed. "I'm not going to be defeated like this." His Destroy Gundam transformed into attack mode as waves and waves and waves of Windam mobile suits overwhelm the boat.

"I…just need…to ram this boat…to Fukudaaaaaaa!" Saji tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

"Kokoro-chan!" Kotonoha called out to her little sister. "Let's do our special move!"

"Hai!" The little girl nodded.

"They're…they're going to do that?" Sekai gasped.

"Yes." Hikari Kuroda nodded. "That."

"I sense a gattai moment." Char smiled.

"Be careful, you two." Youko warned. "This is no ordinary enemy."

"You got that right." Shinn agreed. "SEED and Destiny brought the Gundam franchise down to its knees. Those were some dark times."

The two magical girls fused together into a giant doll armed with a magical chainsaw. Of course if you have seen the second School Days OVA then you'll know what I'm talking about here. "The Bloody Conclusion!" The doll raised its chainsaw and prepares to slice Fukuda's Gundam in half.

"Protect Fukuda-sama at all cost!" The Windams bombard the nice boat with missiles and beam blasts. "Let them have it! Light that nice boat up! Goddammit!"

"You sons of bitches! No way in hell I'm gonna let you pricks do that!" Lockon shot a couple of Windams down with his sniper rifle.

"Not only Lockon is shooting down mobile suits with a small projectile-based weapon but he's also not reloading!" George pointed out. "Does he have infinite ammo or something?"

"Stellar thinks Lockon has a Game shark shoved up his ass."

"MOROOOONS!" Amuro punched George hard on the face and…uh…lightly flicked Stellar on the forehead because he can't hurt a woman. "I told you guys that our burning manly passion is not bounded by logic so stop questioning it. Get it through your thick skulls, people."

"Yes sir." Both George and Stellar bowed their head. "We're sorry for questioning the logic of our burning manly passion."

"Arios Gundam!" Allelujah Haptism announced the name of his Gundam. "Commencing intervention maneuvers." He shoots down several Windams using his beam rifle.

The Seravee Gundam took out eight more after firing all four of its GN cannons. "There's a lot of them~nya." Nekomimi Tieria said while panting. "But this is for Lockon-chan after all so onwards~nya."

"I'm going to protect my family and friends!" The gigantic magical doll proceeded to slice Fukuda's Gundam in half. "Saji and his friends too!"

"Fukuda-sama! No Fuku---aaaaaargh!" A Windam pilot cried out in anguish before getting shot down by Allelujah.

"Katsura-san." Saji smiled.

"It's over, Saji." Louise hugged him from behind.

"Thank goodness." Both Makoto and Sekai sighed with relief.

Kotonoha and Kokoro both changed back to normal and jumped back to the boat. Weak from using too much magic power, Kotonoha stumbles down but Saji quickly catches her. "I got you." He said.

"S-S-Saji…" She said weakly.

"It's over now." He smiled.

"Yeah." Louise joined them. "You did well."

"I wanna…apologize…again."

"You don't need to, Katsura-san." Saji assured her. "You did all that because you desperately want to see your friends again."

"Yeah." Both Kinue and Mama Halevy joined too. "There's no need to apologize."

"So you got your good ending after all, you little bastard." Lockon bonked Makoto on the head. "Next time you become an asshole again and toy with their hearts I'll-

"Rip out intestines and use it-" Relena interrupted.

"To strangle your sorry ass." Saji finished and faced Makoto while still carrying Kotonoha.

"Y-Y-You guys…" Youko was surprised.

"Holy shit." Shinn cursed and pointed to the sky. "It's not over yet, folks." Fifty or more Destroy Gundams are breaking through the atmosphere and preparing to land on the city. "This isn't good, guys, not good at all. There's like a shitload of them to start world war fudging three."

"Aw fudge Stellar and call Stellar a slap monkey." The female Extended cowered behind the ZAFT pilot.

"Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!" Fukuda survived the two magical girls' attack. It seems he managed to eject using an escape pod before the Gundam exploded and the pod has now transformed into a core fighter. Take note that this feature is not included in the actual Destroy Gundams from Destiny. "I told you I got a base somewhere here. I'll use these Destroy units and raze this blasted city to the ground."

"You fiend!" Lockon hissed. "This city is full of stereotypical hentai characters that you usually find in hentai games and you're gonna burn all of them! How could you? All of the otakus in the world will be-

"Lockon, shut the fudge up."

"FUUUUKUUUUDAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Saji became super pissed and charged at the core fighter. He jumped straight on the cockpit and gave Fukuda an epic and manly punch! So epic and so manly that the creator of the Cosmic Era universe exploded into GN particles.

"How did-

"Burning manly passion!" Amuro screamed.

"But-

"Burning manly passion!"

"C'mon that's a bit-

"Burning manly passion!"

"This is getting retarded."

"BURNING MANLY PASSION!!!"

"Well Fukuda's history but we still need to save the city." Setsuna said.

"Damn it." Lockon tossed his gun away. "I'm outta bullets here, guys."

"Oh NOW you're out of bullets!" Shinn shook his fist. "Freaking beautiful, Lockon. Just freaking beautiful."

"Gee I'm sorry."

"Stellar doesn't have Game Shark but Stellar has Code Breaker."

"Oh wait a diddly minute, doll face." Lockon backed away. "No inserting foreign objects up in my ass now."

"Yeah!" Nekomimi Tieria nodded in agreement. "Only me, his beloved, can do such a thing to his sweet ass~nya."

"Look out! Master Chef Tieria-chan will toss some yummy Irish ass salad." Char mocked.

"Shut-up." Lockon gave the Red Comet the finger. "Let's all worry about the Psycho Gundam rip-offs now."

"No." Kotonoha broke into tears and went down on her knees. "Tell me this is not happening. Please this can't be happening."

"Mom, what are we going to do now?" Sekai asked Youko.

"Shit." Setsuna clenched both his fists.

"Stand-up." Otome grabbed Kotonoha and pulled her up. "I hate it…I hate it when you act all weepy like that. I really really hate it."

"Oh no." Amuro gulped. "The Gundams are firing their guns. The city will be destroyed in mere seconds."

"I'll try to intercept them with Arios." Allelujah said.

"That's just plain reckless." Lockon told his fellow Gundam Meister. "It won't do any good."

"But we got to at least do something."

"I know!" The Irishman shouted.

"How about Trams-Am?" Asked Tieria.

"We won't make it." Setsuna said. "Unless we have 00 Gundam but…"

"Damn it." Saji said in frustration.

"Oh no…here they come!"

"Saji-kun, I'm really sorry about this." Youko said. "I'm truly am sorry."

"I told you guys to stop apologizing."

"Shit." Relena cracked her knuckles. "Now we're all getting emo."

"Look!" Louise pointed to the direction of the Gundams. A barrage of GN missiles broke through their formation, forcing the mobile suits to scatter and halt their firing.

"It can't be." Lockon couldn't believe what he's seeing. The Ptolemaios II appeared out of nowhere and fired another wave of missiles at the Destroys. "It's the Ptolemy! The Ptolemy is here!"

"About damn time~nya." Tieria sighed with relief. "Wait a minute…does this mean Ian told the others~nya?"

"Katsura-san…" Saji held her hand. "I promise you. I will protect you and your friends."

"Oh Saji is acting all cool." Christina squealed.

"Yup." Kinue face palmed her hard on the face. "He's acting cool and you're acting like a total idiot."

"Tch." Otome clicked her tongue in irritation. "Once again you got another guy fawning over you, Katsura."

"W-W-Wait a minute!" Saji blushed. "It's nothing like that."

"Yeah right." She sneered at him.

"Boy, stop with the anime hijinks." Relena said from behind and pulled out a mean-looking battle axe. "Finish the enemy first."

"Right." He nodded his head while looking serious and determined. "Let's end this Goddamn story arc once and for all."

**

* * *

PTOLEMAIOS II**

**BRIDGE**

"Saji-kun." Flay Allster muttered while sitting on the captain's chair. She managed to take control of the ship after hearing what happened to Saji from Ian. Sumeragi Lee Noriega is gagged and tied-up behind her chair. "Hurry up and blow those Gundams to smithereens so I can rescue my beloved Saji."

"Uh Miss Captain?" Lasse Aeon raised his hand. "I just wanna ask if you have any experience commandeering a battleship."

"Experience? Experience you say? I got enough experience, motherfudger." She put on a captain's hat. "I was the freaking captain of the Nadesico!"

"Please captain, refrain from making any more seiyu in-jokes." Feldt said.

"00 Gundam is ready to launch~desu." Mileina Vashti cheerfully reported.

"Damn it!" Flay threw her hat on the floor and pointed at Mileina. "Stop saying desu, you freaking loli! It annoys me! Desu that and desu this! How about I desu my fist up your nostrils, you pedo bait!"

"Uwaaaaaaah! The Captain is being mean to me~desu!" She ran out crying.

"Yeah, desu your ass back to daddy! Oh I'm sure that short skirt of yours will desu your perverted pop into tou-

"Captain, I think that's enough." Warned Feldt.

"Now launch the Gundams, you insignificant mongrels!"

**

* * *

BACK TO THE NICE BOAT**

"Hurry up! Let's finish these bastards before they destroy the Destroys!" The remaining Windams intercepted the boat. "Hey I made a pun!"

"We got incoming!" Kinue said.

"MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISTAAAAAAH…" Out of nowhere, Mister Bushido and his Masurao came charging in. Using both of his GN beam sabers, he sliced up the Windams into pieces like an expert sushi chef. The mobile suit sheathed both its swords and crossed its arms. "…BUSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDO!!!"

"That was splendid, Captain." Howard Mason appeared along with his Flag.

Daryl Dodge is right behind the bespectacled Union soldier with his own Flag. "Indeed. That was an impressive display of swordplay, Captain."

"To be praised by my own men." Bushido smiled. "There is no greater joy."

"I bet you two fan girls touch each other at night while fantasizing about Graham crackers here." Joshua Edwards joined the other two Flag Fighters.

"It's Bushido and the Flag Fighters!" Saji cheered.

"Are those people friends of yours too, Saji?" Kotonoha asked.

"Yeah." He replied. "Although they're a bit eccentric."

"Calling them eccentric is a bit of an understatement, Saji." Louise raised an eyebrow. "More like stark raving mad."

"Saji!" Bushido called out to the boy. "I haven't repaid you yet, young man. That was a delicious Thanksgiving dinner you cooked up for me and my men. Mr. Bushido always thinks of those who were good to him. You have my strength, my valor and my hot-blooded determination."

"Thanks to those specials…" Lockon clasped his hands. "We got some major retconning here."

"Oh it's the Char clone." Char frowned. "Man that is one fudged-up Char clone. I have no words to describe this travesty."

"Oh knock it off." Amuro slapped the Red Comet on the back. "Don't be such an elitist douche bag."

"We'll handle the Windams." Bushido said. "Take care of the Destroy Gundams."

"But…but…"

"Don't worry, Saji." The Masurao pointed to the Ptolemaios. "We brought you your sword, boy."

"Gundam." Setsuna said and took off his mask. The 00 Raiser launches out of the ship followed by the Cherudim. "00 Gundam."

Suddenly, several bits appear and shoot down some Windams. Zero and his Shinkirou Knightmare Frame appear along with a squadron of Qubeley Mass Production Types. "I know the coupon said about me bringing my army but I realized those Black Knights pricks are enjoying their fairy tale endings. Nevertheless, customer of the month running for three years Char Aznable, I visited your home and found a crapload of eager Puru clones. Now that you have used the special coupon, you may order me around. I may not like it but business is business. I intend to make Pizza Hut number one in the fast food business, unfortunately those Darker than Black and Rebuild of Evangelion sponsorships aren't cutting it. And so I make sure I give the customers the best service possible."

"I think I just had an orgasm." Char said nonchalantly and Amuro slowly slide away from him.

"Look! Up in the sky!"

"What now?" Saji scratched his head.

Breaking though the atmosphere and smashing through the Destroy Gundams is the Eternal and on the hood of the ship is none other than Plant Chairwoman, Lacus Clyne, laughing evilly as she makes her grand entrance. "Speaking of retcons." Shinn glanced at everyone. "Here's the motherload."

"Greetings, maggots!" Lacus raised her arms. "I've come to aid that pathetic wretch, Saji, and to kick some ass."

"Uh…is she your friend too, Saji."

"Uh…let's see…umm…"

"Oh yeah." Shinn puts his arm around Kotonoha's shoulder. "The best of friends. Heck it's bordering on sex buddies."

"I hate you, Shinn."

"Yeah, I get that a lot."

"Now just for the shits and giggles, I shall prove to everyone how evil I am." Lacus said and grabbed Katz Kobayashi who is dressed up in a ZAFT uniform. "This person is one of my faithful ZAFT soldiers and I will gladly throw him off the ship where he will plunge to his death."

"Wait!" Katz protested. "I'm not a soldier of ZAFT! I'm not even a Coordinator! Hell, I'm not even a part of the Cosmic Era universe! I'm from the Universal Century!"

"Just shut-up and die, maggot." Lacus hissed and threw him off the ship.

"Well that was pointless." Amuro said. "I mean why prove her evilness to us when we know she's really evil."

"Yeah." Lockon nodded. "She was in SEED and Destiny. That's evil enough."

"Now!" Lacus pointed at the Destroys. "Beam spam these wretched insects, my faithful dog."

"Yes, mah lordo!" Kira Yamato and the Strike Freedom appeared. The Gundam then starts blasting the Destroys into oblivion and since it's pretty much a HAX unit, half of the Gundams were easily dispatched.

"Saji, let's take out the rest." Setsuna glanced at the incoming 00 Raiser. "Let's end this."

"Hai." He nodded.

Amuro smiled and rubbed his hands. "It's time for some epic mecha gangbang, folks."

"Stellar now feels manly." She then faced the readers. "To be concluded!"

**

* * *

STORY NOTES**

Ugh…

I tried to add a little drama here but I think I made it into a melodramatic mess of emo proportions. Anyway, it's been a while since I last updated the main HFTM fanfic. I tried my best to make it epic but…I wonder if I got it right. Of course, you'll enjoy the story more if you watched or played School Days. It's not really a requirement but…you know. School Days isn't good anyways so let's make fun of it. No offense to School Days fans by the way.

Oh and I'm writing a new Gundam 00 fanfiction. It's pretty much an isolated story set within the second season of the show and it's mostly original characters. It's about a rookie A-LAWS soldier who got captured by Katharon prior to the start of the second season. He gets reunited with his female childhood friend whom he has never seen for four years. To his horror, his friend is now a battle-hardened member of the resistance group. Witnessing the atrocities of A-LAWS, he decided to stick with his friend and fight for their future. Also, a mysterious man claiming to be a member of Celestial Being is helping him out.

Anyway, that's it for this chapter. Like always, criticisms and reviews will be appreciated. See ya!


	13. Chapter 12

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM…AND SCHOOL DAYS.

Warning: Offensive and disturbing humor

**CHAPTER 12**

**HENTAI GAME WORLD**

**SAKAKINO HIGH SCHOOL, MAIN CAMPUS GROUNDS**

"Well tickle my balls and choke my monkey." Shinn Asuka was filled with excitement. "Talentless hack and lolicon extraordinaire, Admiral Muffin, is finally finishing the story."

Amuro Ray crossed his arms. "Well it's about darn time. I thought we're gonna be stuck here forever."

"Well yippee doo dah!" Relena Peacecraft slapped Makoto Itou. "It looks like we're going to get the good ending after all, you polyamorous prick! Do you have any idea how much I wanna strangle you when I was playing the game? Maybe I should pop your brains right now or maybe I should-

"Relena-sama." George de Sand interrupted and placed his hand on her shoulder. "Let me remind you that we're here to protect them. I know he's quite the lad but it is considered dishonorable if you kill him right now. Though I admit I feel the same way you do but we really don't have much choice here I'm afraid."

"I know, I know." She sighed. "Can I at least break his arm or something? Castration perhaps?"

"No." He replied sternly. "No breaking bones or castration please. He is to remain unharmed."

"Well that's a bummer." She said in disappointment.

Oh Yuki-chan." Char Aznable was sitting on the floor and reading Inuboshi's newest manga. "You're such an adorable little girl, Yuki-chan. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside."

"Stellar thinks Char is a lolicon." Stellar Loussier stated the obvious. "But somehow, Stellar thinks Char has good taste since Char is reading an Inuboshi manga. Maybe Stellar should check out his work but Stellar is worried that Stellar might have another Strawberry Marshmallow episode."

"I think Stellar should shut the **BLEEP **up." Relena gritted her teeth. "Oh and stop talking in the third person, you retarded twit. It's not cute and it's annoying the hell out of me. Are you trying to be moe or something? Do you want people to make a Stellar figma figure so all the lonely otakus out there would grab one and ogle at it while they stimulate their naughty parts? Do you want that? Do you want that to happen, Miss Crazy Person? But guess what? It's not going to happen! Aside from the usual endless line of gunpla, the Gundam franchise's main targets are now yaoi fangirls. There's no way you're gonna appeal to them. Look at me! Look at me! LOOK AT ME!!! They say I was stalking Heero Yuy but I only followed him twice! Or that time when they accused me of interfering with Heero and Duo Maxwell's imminent romance! Imminent romance my **BLEEP **ass!!!" Her eyes then started twitching. "Stereotypical rich girl turned influential leader! That's what I am! I promote pacifism and rainbows and puppies and Christmas for fudge's sakes! This is really aggravating me! I mean people like Tiel Noembreux more than me and I swear she's not even canon!"

"Stellar thinks you're crazy. Do you want some happy pills? Stellar has lots and lots of happy pills."

"IT'S ON NOW, YOU BITCH!!! She pulled out a switchblade. "I'M GONNA GUT YOU LIKE A FISH!!!"

"Oh for the love of fudge." Lockon Stratos slapped his forehead in exasperation. The Irish Gundam Meister is quite frustrated and annoyed.

"Uh guys…" Saji Crossroad pointed at the remaining Destroy Gundams and Windam mobile suits. "We still have a story to finish. Can we save the usual craziness for later and get this over with?"

"Right." Amuro stretched his arms and went into position. "We got your back, Saji."

"Let's finish this in one shot." Setsuna F. Seiei said and pointed at the 00 Raiser. "Let's go, Saji."

"Roger that, Setsuna."

"Wait!" Kotonoha Katsura ran after him. "Saji-kun, please be careful." She squeezed his hand. "You've done so much for us. If there is anything you want me to do then-

"Holy freaking cow! Flag! She finally raised the flag!" Lockon squealed like an idiot. "Oh man, the eroge world never fails to disappoint me."

"Get a life, Lockon." Amuro frowned. "You need to stop playing those hentai games. Seriously, you're making me worry like hell. Those games aren't good for you, my friend."

"He's right, Lockon-chan." Tieria Erde's head poked out from the Seravee Gundam's open cockpit. "Stop playing those silly porn games and play with me instead." He then put the cat ears back on. "I'll be your personal pussycat playmate. I'll end my sentences with nya if you want."

"Trust me, Amuro-san, the reason why I'm still sane is because of those games. You could say eroge saved my life and my mind."

"Did somebody say flag?" Mister Bushido and his mobile suit approached the nice boat. The funny thing about this scene is that Graham's seiyu, Yuichi Nakamura, voiced a few eroge anime adaptations. Go figure I say and I apologize for this silly weaboo moment.

"Wow. Quite a crack team we are." Shinn said with bitter sarcasm.

"Indeed." George agreed. "I'm surprised we made it this far."

"Okay, hands-off the merchandise." Louise Halevy pulled Kotonoha away from Saji. "I'm the girlfriend here so I should be the one who's wishing him good luck."

"Come back to Onee-chan, Saji-kun." Kinue Crossroad pushed the blonde Spaniard away. "Stay safe so you can come back to Onee-chan. If you make Onee-chan cry then-

"What the hell is your problem, Kinue!?" Louise interrupted. "You didn't have to push me."

"It's because of these!" She squeezed Louise's boobies. "These vulgar and lewd fun bags are corrupting my baby brother's mind. Don't worry, Saji-kun, Onee-chan will do her best. I'll drink lots and lots of milk."

Mama Halevy sneaked up behind Saji and pinched his butt. "Don't mind those two idiots." She said and hugged him tightly. "What you need is a little loving from a mature and sexy woman."

"Oh Saji-kun…" Christina Sierra fainted.

A sweat drop appeared on Youko Saionji's head. "Uh…I'm sorry to interrupt but the enemy is starting to attack again. We really should do something about our situation here."

Several Windams came charging towards the boat. "This is for Fukuda-sama!" The pilots cried out in aguish as they prepare to avenge their master.

"Stay frosty, men." Mr. Bushido told his subordinates. "And don't break formation." He then intercepted the attacking mobile suits and took out both of his GN Katanas.

"Did you hear that, Joshua?" Howard Mason said. "Don't break formation." He reminded him.

"Don't break formation." Daryl Dodge repeated. "Don't be a bad boy and break formation."

"I hate you guys." Joshua said sharply and repeatedly bangs his head on the control panel.

Lockon quickly reloaded his sniper rifle. "Dammit."

A squad of Windams circled around the boat, hoping to sink it by destroying the stern part of the vessel. The Cherudim Gundam, piloted by Lyle Dylandy, quickly moved in for interception. "Oh no you don't." He said and took out the mobile suits with his GN Beam pistols.

"Nice one, bro." Lockon gave a thumbs-up.

"Just doing my job, Nii-san." He said, trying to be humble.

"You have a brother?" Kotonoha was surprised.

"Yeah." Char butted in before Lockon could reply. "He was a good plot device. He could've been better though, I mean Mizushima-san wanted Lyle and Anew to have a spy vs. spy battle but Sunrise intervened and forced him to change the script because they want the two to fall in love with each other instead. I mean Bandai and Sunrise want the fanboys and fangirls everywhere to-

"Don't mind him." Lockon covered his mouth. "Char is a bitter man with a touch of UC elitism."

Zero and his Shinkirou Knightmare Frame are hovering above the boat thanks to its air glide wing system backpack and the masked man is busy fending off the attacking Windams. One managed to get past his barrage and kicked the Shinkirou right on the noggin. "Curse my poor piloting skills!" He said in frustration. "The things I do for business! Who was the bright spark that proposed this whole coupon thing anyway? I should fire his ass for convincing me to agree."

"Zero-sama, we have a squad coming to give you some assistance." One of the Puru clones reported through the radio.

"Well bless your little loli heart. It's about darn time." He said as several Qubeley Mass Production Types came and provided him with much needed covering fire. A Windam managed to overcome one of the Puru clones and sliced her mobile suit in half with its beam saber. Fortunately, the little girl ejected out of the cockpit in time and safely parachuted down to the ground. "For some reason, I feel like blushing." Zero said while watching. "How cute."

"Saji, hurry up. We need to board the Gundam." Setsuna said. "To the 00 Raiser."

"I'm on it." The boat suddenly shook after getting hit. Saji stumbled for a bit but Amuro quickly caught him. "Thanks, Amuro-san." He smiled.

"Kid, quit dicking around like the indecisive wuss you are and get your butt on gear." He barked.

Saji gulped and saluted. "Roger."

The Susanowo used its GN Claws to rip off the head of an attacking Windam. Bushido then charged the mobile suit's Tri Punisher particle cannon while locking-on to another enemy unit. He fired the cannon after charging and the mobile suit was torn in half like paper. "It's Mister Bushido and don't you forget it." He said proudly and continued defending the boat.

"Beautifully done, Captain." Daryl joined him after shooting down a Windam. "I get chills every time I watch you fight."

"Behind you!" Joshua screamed at Mister Bushido and quickly fired his linear rifle, stunning the Windam that's about to cleave the Susanowo from behind. Bushido then turned around and finished off the mobile suit. "Graham, you freaking bonehead, pull your head out of your Goddamned ass and focus."

Howard approached him with tears flowing from his eyes. "Joshua, I don't know what to say. You do care for our dear captain after all. This day won't be forgotten."

"Joshua!!!" Daryl was also crying tears of joy.

"Up yours, you fangirls! I'm willing to work with Graham crackers here if we're gonna help the kid out but this is really testing my patience." His radar suddenly detected something and it was approaching the boat fast. "Oh shit!" He gritted his teeth and quickly flew to intercept the enemy. "Not on my watch!"

"Oh no!" Hikari Kuroda gasped while pointing at the incoming mobile suit. It was an N Dagger N and the mobile suit pulled out both of its swords, ready to dish out some Kunio Okawara-inspired damage.

Joshua's Overflag took out its plasma blade but the Dagger counterattacked with its piercer lock and the severed the Overflag's right leg. "Oh this is just ducky!" He grunted as he loses control of his mobile suit.

"Joshua!" Mister Bushido called out to his subordinate. "How dare you!?" He charged towards the Dagger but a squad of Windams blocked his path. "Out of the way, you bastards!"

"Back off, Graham." Joshua struggled to regain control. "I'll show you that I can do things on my own." He aimed the linear rifle at the Dagger but a Windam popped out of nowhere and destroyed the head of his Overflag with a well-placed beam shot. The N Dagger N then took advantage of the situation and raised both of its swords. "Grraaaaaaaaaagh!!!" Joshua screamed as both arms of his mobile suit were sliced off. "N-N-Not gonna give up." He grunted. "The kid is counting on me!" Another Windam tackled his heavily-damaged mobile suit and hurled it towards a building. A sickening explosion followed after the impact.

"JOSHUA!!!" Bushido screamed in anguish. "You sons of bitches!!!" He activated the Trans-Am system of his Susanowo.

"Hey, this mobile suit is starting to glow red." One of the Windam pilots exclaimed. "Is he gonna move three times faster than a regular Zaku?"

"Naaaaaaah." Another one said.

"Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrgh!!!" Mister Bushido screamed at the top of his lungs as he began to massacre the Windams and the N Dagger N that damaged Joshua's mobile suit. He sliced and diced the enemies like an expert sushi chef. Minutes later, Graham's mobile suit stopped attacking after running out of particles and the campus below was littered with mobile suit parts. The Susanowo is now covered in oil as if it is soaked in blood. "Damn it." He cursed softly.

"Captain, we got more hostiles coming our way." Howard warned through the radio.

He checked the remaining particles of his machine and frowned. "If we're gonna die then let's go out with a bang." He shouted and charged towards the incoming enemies. "Follow my lead, Flag Fighters!"

"Roger, Captain." Both Howard and Daryl responded in unison.

"Graham and the others are having a hard time. That Joshua dude even got shot down by the enemy." Saji said nervously. "Man, things aren't looking so hot right now."

"Then do something about it, you spineless git. I mean if you have time to lament then you should grow some stones and get your butt on gear." Relena said after coming out from the cabin. She was carrying a large crate and dropped it on the floor. She then used a crowbar to destroy the lock and opened it. She let out girlish squeal after seeing the contents. She was glowing with happiness and her eyes were sparkling brightly, it's almost like she had fallen in love. "An FIM-92 Stinger!!!" Her voice was full of joy and delight. "One of Uncle Sam's most blessed toys! Oh it feels like Christmas."

"Sweet fudge almighty." Lockon was flabbergasted. "I didn't know Relena was a military otaku."

"Honestly, I'm not surprised, Monsieur Lockon." George said.

Relena took out the missile launcher and locked-on to a nearby Windam. She fired the weapon and hit the mobile suit right in the cockpit, completely destroying it. "Oh I feel like a princess even though I really am a princess…uh…I think I'm a queen or something but that doesn't matter now." She said while blushing.

"I think I just lost faith in humanity." Shinn cowered behind George.

"Oui." George agreed. "You can cry if you want to, Monsieur Shinn. In fact, I also feel like crying."

Meanwhile, Setsuna was inside the cockpit of the 00 Raiser. "Everything is looking good here. You can board the 0 Raiser now." He informed Saji.

"Right." He nodded.

"You need to clear a path for us so we can safely land the boat." Louise said. "There's too many flies buzzing around and everyone is just barely holding on." The Strike Freedom Gundam then appeared out of nowhere and took out numerous mobile suits without breaking a sweat. "Well maybe except for Jesus Yamato but the rest don't have aimbot programs and thick plot armors."

"KIRA!!!" Shinn shook his fist.

"You can do it, Saji-kun. I believe in you. We believe in you." Kotonoha said.

"I'll do my best, everyone."

"Onee-chan will give you a reward so do your best, baby brother." Kinue waved at him. "How about a kiss for good luck?"

Mama Halevy grabbed her by the neck. "I think not! Being near to someone like you is not healthy for the poor boy. Saji needs a motherly figure like me."

"Well you're not exactly a good mother…to me anyway." Louise groaned.

"Saji, Saji, Saji, Saji, Saji…" Christina's eyes started twitching. "One day Saji will realize my love for him and then he will marry me and then we're gonna have lots and lots and lots of kids and then-

"Uh oh. It looks like Christina needs some happy pills." Stellar giggled.

A sweat drop appeared on Makoto's head. "W-Wow…" He chuckled nervously. "I really don't know what to say here but…" He trailed off.

"I don't wanna ruin this moment but…" Sekai Saionji interrupted.

"Oh by all means, young lady, please do so. Ruin it with all your might. Please for the love of fudge and anything that is still sane and pure." Lockon pleaded.

"Uh…"

"Oh I'm sorry." He apologized. "You were saying?"

"W-We got a problem."

Char let out a sarcastic chuckle. "No shit." Sekai then pointed to the left. Thanks to the little commotion they had, everyone didn't notice the approaching Destroy Gundam. It landed on the ground near the boat and transformed into mobile armor mode. The Destroy then fired several missiles. "OH SHIT!!!"

"Shit's the word, Char. Shit's the motherfudging word." Amuro said

"I never felt so alive." Relena was hugging the missile launcher she found and yes, she is still blushing.

"Oh this is just great." George sighed.

Lockon kneeled down and repeatedly bash his head on the floor. "Man, I wish Feldt is here." He sobbed.

**

* * *

PTOLEMAIOS II**

**BRIDGE**

Flay Allster, everybody's favorite Gundam girlfriend, is busy stripping Mileina Vashti. "Why are you being so mean to me~desu?" The poor girl sobbed.

"Shut-up, shut-up, shut-up!!!" The red-haired girl hissed.

"Lasse, do something!" Feldt Grace shouted but the man just stood there like an idiot, blushing and having a nose bleed. "Make her stop!"

"Mmmh!!!" Sumeragi Lee Noriega is still gagged and all tied-up. It seems nobody is noticing her.

The radar then detected the missiles the Destroy Gundam fired and Feldt quickly went to the main control panel. She then countered by firing the ship's GN cannons, hoping to intercept the missiles before they could reach the boat. "Make sure no harm will come to Saji-kun or else they'll be hell to pay, missy." Flay said behind her and all the pink-haired girl could do was sigh.

"Uwaaaaaaah!!! Lasse-san saw my naughty parts! I can't be a bride anymore~desu."

"Why is this happening to me~desu?" Feldt mumbled to herself and went to a small corner.

**

* * *

BACK TO THE NICE BOAT**

"This can't be good." Allelujah Haptism gulped. The Ptolemaios' GN cannons didn't destroy all of the missiles so he quickly used the beam submachine guns mounted in both forearms of the Arios Gundam to take out the rest. "Tieria, I need some help here."

"Roger that~nya." He responded and combined his GN Bazookas. "Double Bazooka Burst Mode~nya." He said and fired. All of the missiles were destroyed thanks to the combined efforts of the two Meisters.

"Nya?" Allelujah was confused.

"I'm gonna do my best for Lockon-chan~nya." He giggled.

"Uh Tieria, why are you ending your sentences with nya?"

"That's none of your business~nya!" He lashed out.

"Sorry I asked." He whimpered. "Man, you sure got some issues." He said to himself.

"Did you say something~nya?"

"Nothing~nya!"

Saji is now inside the 0 Raiser's cockpit. "Status all green." He reported to Setsuna. "We're ready to launch. If everything goes well then we might even outdo Kira and his Gundam." He joked.

"Impossible." Setsuna said after seeing the Strike Freedom Gundam take out a Destroy Gundam with one shot and yes, the pilot survived since Jesus Yamato forgave his sins or something. "On second thought, the 00 Raiser desperately wants to become like Turn A so I think we might have a chance. I mean we have GN freaking particles. Once I start spreading then people will start hugging like crazy. Oh did I mention about the naked Newtype dimension thingy and the particle breaking also known as teleporting?"

"Uh…let's just get this over with, Setsuna." Saji realized the stupidity of the topic. "Last time I check, the Gundam franchise innovated the real robot genre. Oh such bitter irony."

"Incoming!" Char shouted. "We got an incoming!" A heavily-damaged Windam managed to get past the others and is headed straight for the boat.

"Crap. I think it's a kamikaze attack." Amuro said.

"Puru clones! Take it out now!" The legendary Red Comet ordered.

"Understood, Char-sama!" A squad of Qubeley Mass Production Types flew in for interception but the Windam quickly maneuvered out of the way and went above them. Before the girls could react, another squad of Windams overwhelmed the group to provide cover for their attacking comrade. "Char-sama!" They all started squealing. "We failed you!"

"My adorable Puru clones!!!" Char screamed. "This can't be happening!"

"Char, why are you blushing?" Amuro raised an eyebrow.

"Stellar thinks a new door opened for Char. Stellar thinks Char is an S." Stellar said while clapping.

"Stellar, if possible you need to stop thinking." George insulted her.

"Oh it's possible. Stellar can do that."

"…"

"Anyway, that mobile suit is still coming! We gotta do something. Relena, can you shoot it down with that missile launcher of yours?"

Relena just ignored him and is busy snuggling her new toy. "I think I'll name you Sebastian." She giggled and yes, she is still blushing.

Lockon tossed his rifle away. "I'm outta ammo." He turned to the Cherudim Gundam. "Lyle, we need some help here."

Lyle is busy fighting a Destroy Gundam and most of his bits are now destroyed. "I'd love to help but I'm a little busy here, Nii-san." A Windam suddenly hugged his Gundam from behind while another one decapitated his suit with a beam saber. "Shit!" The Destroy Gundam then detached its right arm and slapped the Cherudim away, sending the mobile suit crashing down to the ground.

"Lyle!!!"

The Windam is starting to close in but suddenly, out of nowhere, Mister Bushido's heavily-damaged mobile suit intercepted it. "BASTARD!!!" The Susanowo, now missing an arm and most of its internal parts exposed, skewered the mobile suit with its GN Katana. The Windam, still twitching, hugged the mobile suit and activated its self-destruct system. With a hot-blooded scream, Mister Bushido activated the Susanowo's remaining thrusters to move away from the boat so it won't get caught in the blast. Smiling, Mister Bushido looked at his comrades one more time before getting consumed in the explosion.

"Captain!!!" Howard screamed and quickly went after Bushido but another Windam appeared and disabled his Flag by damaging the flight unit with its beam saber.

"Damn it!" Saji slammed his fist on the control panel. "Setsuna, is everything ready?"

"00 Raiser is ready to launch." He replied and the Gundam's eyes flashed with life. The Twin Drive System activated as the solar reactors attached on both shoulders began to discharge GN particles. Before the Gundam could even move, an N Dagger N suddenly materialized next to the boat after deactivating its Mirage Colloid System and then used both of its swords to cut the vessel in half.

"Mom!" Sekai hugged her mother.

"Onee-chan!" Kokoro Katsura cowered behind her sister.

"Mayu!!!" Shinn took out his pink cellphone. "It looks like Onii-chan is finally going to join you."

"Huh? What the hell is going?" Relena snapped out of her trance.

"Amuro-san, at least we're gonna die together." Char hugged him from behind.

"Oh joy." He said with bitter sarcasm.

"The bond we developed during this journey, it was truly and simply beautiful. I can only hope that we're gonna get reincarnated as lovers." He sobbed.

"You sure picked a perfect time to come out of the closet, Char."

"Man, I don't wanna check out like this." Lockon was very disappointed. "If I'm gonna buy the farm then it should be a manly death…just like what happened in the anime. It should be brimming with epicness and win but instead we're gonna go out like bitches. I want a Kamina death or something."

"Monsieur Lockon, just the shut the fudge up." George interrupted his rant, his tone is full of despair.

"Yay!!! Stellar is gonna die again." The blonde female Extended squealed with morbid delight.

"Well at least one of us is being optimistic."

"Setsuna, they got the boat!" Saji was horrified. He looked at his monitor screen and zoomed in, the boat was split into two and is crashing down to the ground. Everyone gathered at the bow or the front part of the ship. The look on everybody's faces was full of horror and sorrow, well except for Relena and Stellar since those two are crazy. They were giggling and dancing around while George is repeatedly banging his head on the floor, probably lamenting why the people around him are nothing but a bunch of idiots even to the end.

"I'm on it." The 00 Raiser dove in, hoping to at least catch the broken half of the vessel but a black Strike Freedom Gundam blocked its path. "What the hell?"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." The pilot of the black Strike Freedom laughed and both Setsuna and Saji recognized the voice.

"Mitsuo Fukuda!?" The two gasped.

"Right you are." He appeared on the monitor screen. The evil creator of the SEED series is now wearing a Neo Roanoke mask. "I'm back baby and I just retconned my own death, just like what I did with Mu La Flaga. Man, everyone sure loved that one. The party isn't over yet, folks. In fact, the party is just getting started." He said and the ground below opened up, revealing a secret mobile suit hangar bay. "Now die like the miserable insects you are!" Several more Windams and Daggers came pouring out from the hangar.

"Like hell that's gonna happen, you bastard!" Kira attacked Fukuda. "I don't give a flying fudge if you're my creator but nobody--and I mean nobody--copy my Gundam and gets away with it."

Fukuda blocked his beam saber attack. "I'm Mitsuo freaking Fukuda, bitch! I copy everything! To think I copied my own Kunio Okawara backpack monstrosity! I finally outdid myself."

Tieria quickly maneuvered his Gundam so he can catch the boat. "I'm coming to save you, Lockon-chan~nya! Just hang in there, my beloved Irish cream puff of pure sexy manliness of love~nya!"

Lockon grabbed Kotonoha's shoulders and started shaking her. "Kill me now!!! Grab that buzzsaw of yours and spare me from the horror! I'm begging you!"

"S-S-S-S-Snap o-o-out of i-i-it, Lockon-san!!!" She replied.

"Not so fast, buttcakes." A black Infinite Justice Gundam attacked the Seravee Gundam from behind. "I won't let you win this time." It was none other than T.M. Revulsion…err…I mean Revolution and like Fukuda, he is also wearing a Neo Roanoke mask. Since he got Tieria by surprise, he managed to slice off both arms of the Gundam using the Super Lacerta beam sabers.

"Eeeeeeyaaaaargh~nya!!!" The purple-haired Meister screamed as T.M. Revolution continued his beam saber attacks. "Get out of the way~nya! I need to save my Lockon-chan~nya!"

"Stop with the nya, it's pissing me off."

"Tieria!!!" Setsuna tried to assist him but another enemy appeared and attacked him from the right side. It was the Arche Gundam or more specifically, it's variant from 00V, the Jagd Arche Gundam. Just a little service for the fellow mech heads out there by the way. "Is that…"

"Oh it's me alright." Ali Al Saachez chuckled and he too is wearing a Neo Roanoke mask…again. "Man, you just can't keep a good warmonger down, you Krugis brat." He then pulled out both his GN Buster Swords and swung them at the 00 Raiser.

"Damn!" Setsuna managed to evade the attack. He then noticed the others are being overwhelmed by the new batch of mobile suits. Zero, Allelujah and the Puru clones are all being attacked from different directions. The Ptolemaios and the Eternal have also received damages as wave after wave after wave of mobile suits bombarded the ships with beams and missiles.

The Arios Gundam transformed into fighter mode and rammed into an approaching Windam. Hallelujah has finally taken over and used the Gundam's pincers to clip the mobile suit in half. "Hey teme! How do you like my Zeta Gundam rip-off wave rider crash attack, you kisama! Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!" Yes, the deteriorating situation has forced this story to make a Zeta Gundam New Translation joke. "I've got more where that came from, so you yatsus better run for the hills. Are you having fun, Allelujah? Hahahahahahaha!!!"

"Oh darn it. Why does this Knightmare Frame have so many buttons?" Zero was struggling to fend off the attackers. "Is this it?" He pushed a blue button and his machine fired one of the hadron guns mounted in the forearms, shredding a Windam into pieces. "I was hoping to use the Zero beam but I guess that wasn't so bad. Now if I could only get those blasted energy shields to work."

The 00 Raiser deflected several beam attacks from Ali's GN Fangs. "The boat! Everyone! Louise and Nee-san! Damn it!" Saji was growing frustrated and concerned.

"Your friends are toast!" The Jagd Arche Gundam attacked again by firing its GN Launcher but Setsuna quickly evaded the blast. Ali licked his lips and charged at the Gundam, hoping to slice the mobile suit's head off this time with his buster swords. "They're all burning! Splatted and turned into street pizzas! Nothing but charred stains on the ground!"

"Bastard!" Setsuna screamed and shattered one of the buster swords to pieces after delivering a devastating slash attack. He went behind the Gundam and severed the left arm using the GN Sword. He then roundhouse kicked the Gundam right in the back of the head and switched the sword to rifle mode. He fired several shots but Ali blocked all of them with his shield after a quick recovery. "Ali Al Saachez!!!" He screamed and charged at him.

"Bwahahahahaha!!!" Both Gundams locked blades. "Still sharp as ever, you punk. I never get tired fighting you, kiddo."

Fukuda overpowered Kira and sent the Ultimate Coordinator flying. "Your plot armor won't work on me, you pussy whipped freak."

Kira activated all of his Dragoons and proceeded to beam spam Fukuda's Gundam. "Did I get him?" His question was answered after the smoke cleared away and Fukuda's Gundam remain undamaged. "I told you, kiddo. You powers won't work on me."

"Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!" The Strike Freedom took out both beam sabers and charged at Fukuda.

The black Strike Freedom dodged all of Kira's attacks without effort and caught one of the Gundam's wrists. Fukuda smiled and pulled out his own saber. "Say goodbye." He said and prepared to pierce the Gundam's cockpit.

"I need…to…activate…Trans-Am." Setsuna grunted and before he could, Ali got the best of him.

"Oh no you don't!" The Jagd Arche Gundam kicked the 00 Raiser right in the abdomen and gave the face a thundering elbow smash. The red Gundam then went behind the mobile suit and kicked its rear, sending it crashing to the ground. "Man, I am so gonna relish this." Ali chuckled and twirled the GN Buster Sword with his remaining arm. "Like a hot knife through butter, baby. Now lemme hear you scream."

T.M. Revolution has the armless Seravee Gundam pinned down to the ground. "Well don't think about unleashing that hidden Gundam of yours, honey." He also pulled out his beam saber and prepared to deliver the finishing blow. The Seravee Gundam tried to struggle but to no avail. "Tieria baby, it's a darn shame you're going to die. With your fabulous looks, you could've joined a visual kei band but this is life I guess."

"I'm dead meat~nya." Tieria sobbed. "I'm sorry I failed you, Lockon-chan~nya."

"Oh you failed alright. All of you did! Now you're all gonna die!"

"Die!" Fukuda repeated.

"Die, baby, you're all gonna die like a bunch of ninnies!" Ali laughed. "And the best part is: we're the ones who're gonna do the killing!"

Suddenly, several remote weapons that look like fin funnels appeared out of nowhere and proceeded to attack the three villains. "What the hell is happening!?"

"Wait a darn minute, these are GN Fin Fangs!" Ali recognized the remote weapons. "Then-

The 00 Raiser seized the moment and used its GN Sword the slice the Jagd Arche Gundam in half. "Ali Al Saachez!!!" Setsuna screamed and the Gundam did a victory pose.

"Oh fudgesticks." Ali frowned before his Gundam exploded.

"Seraphim~nya!" Tieria yelled and the backpack of the Seravee transformed into a Gundam.

"Oh kitty poo poo." T.M. Revolution gulped as the Seraphim activated its GN Cannons that are mounted inside the forearms of the Gundam.

"Now I can save Lockon-chan~nya!" Tieria smiled and fired at point blank range.

"You haven't heard the last of me!!!" T.M. Revolution shook his fist before getting consumed by the flames. "I'm gonna come back and once again shake the very foundations of the music world baby!!!"

"You're going down!!!" Kira sliced all of the black Strike Freedom's limbs off but Fukuda ejected out of the cockpit in time and used a jetpack to escape.

"Who the hell was that?" Fukuda gritted his teeth and flew off to safety.

The remote weapons returned to the mobile suit where they came from and it was none other than the Reborns Gundam! The mobile suit managed to catch the boat before it hit the pavement and it seems everyone on board is safe. Inside the cockpit, Ribbons Almark happily clapped his hands. "Good thing I managed to get here in time. Your plan worked, Nibbles. Thanks to you, everyone is safe."

"Meow." His cat appeared on one of the monitor screens. Nibbles was smoking a cigar and wearing an eye patch like he was Nick Fury.

"R-R-Ribbons Almark!?" Setsuna was shocked while Saji was speechless.

"Oh whoopee doo." Amuro was burning with rage. "To be saved by my own fruity doppelganger, this is embarrassing." He shook his head.

"Now, now, Amuro-kun. Just be thankful you're alive." Char tried to cheer him up.

"How would you feel if Zechs Merquise saved you, huh?"

"I'm used to it. C'mon, clones aren't that."

"Is everyone alright?" The green-haired Innovade asked.

"Uh…yeah." Lockon responded dryly.

"What the heck is going on here?" Louise was confused.

"He sounds like Amuro." Shinn chuckled.

"Oh shut up." The Federation ace slapped the Coordinator in the back of the head.

"Thank goodness." Ribbons made a sigh of relief.

"Oooooooookay, this is freaking me out." Louise raised an eyebrow. "Last time I checked, Ribbons was a couch loving villain who had a serious god complex. Now, he's helping us and stuff? Something is wrong here. Something is definitely wrong here."

"Louise-chan, this is Happy Fun Times Meisters. Of course, something is wrong here." Mama Halevy reminded her. "If you see a fanfiction and the author is some idiot named Admiral Muffin, then you better run screaming. Run screaming for the hills!"

"…"

"Anyway, how did you manage to find us?" George asked.

"Oh…uh…it kinda went like this: I was on my way to Texas because I was planning to attack the main headquarters of Funimation Entertainment since I'm a bad guy and all."

"Wait, if you're attacking Funimation then that makes you a good guy." Lockon interrupted and then everyone gave him a funny look. "What?"

"Why don't you attack 4Kids while you're at it." Shinn mumbled.

"Anyway, I was over at Tokyo when I ran out of snacks. I parked my Gundam near an apartment building and was hoping to locate a convenience store when Ian Vashti came running out from one of the rooms. He was carrying a bunch of tools and looking worried and stuff. So I approached the old dude and asked if there is something wrong. He then explained everything to me and so I did a lot of thinking and I decided to cancel my current plans so I can help you guys out."

"I see…" Saji said. "If that's the case then I'm happy you're willing to lend a hand. Also, thank you for saving everyone."

"No problem." Ribbons gave a thumbs-up.

"Well it was nice of him to come running alone here and provide you jerk holes some much needed assistance." Mitsuo Fukuda landed on the ground as several trucks and tanks appeared behind him. "But that's not gonna make any difference." Several soldiers came out from the vehicles. The enemy mobile suits then regrouped and converged above the troops. "You guys are so screwed." More of Fukuda's men poured out from the nearby buildings, all of them are armed to the teeth and has enough firepower to start the freaking apocalypse. "You're all gonna pay for messing with me."

"You son of a bitch." Saji gritted his teeth.

"If I'm going down then I'm taking you all with me." He took out a switch and pressed the button.

"What the…"

"There's a nuclear device in the middle of this city and I just activated it, assholes. Now you're all gonna pay for ruining my plans and for helping out that stupid Kotonoha girl. Oh and don't get any funny ideas, kiddies. If you want to disarm the nuclear bomb then you have to go through us." More troops arrive along with more Destroy Gundams, the city is now overrun with bad guys.

"As a fan of eroge, I have to say you are one evil bastard, Mitsuo Fukuda." Lockon said. "Wanting us dead I understand but you're planning to level a whole city just to rub us out?"

"I'm a very thorough person."

"I find that hard to believe, I mean if you were then Destiny-

"SHUT UP!!!"

"A nuclear device…" Setsuna muttered to himself.

"Oh crappity crap! Where's Soap MacTavish when you need him?" Stellar grabbed her cheeks.

"Who?"

"Uh…Stellar is seeing pretty stars. Pretty little stars."

"…"

"Oh no…" Youko gasped. "If he's saying the truth then everyone will…"

"Oh you got that right, Miss Turn Coat." Fukuda chuckled. "Every meganekko, tsundere, mahou shoujo, yandere, sukeban and every anime stock characters in this city will go sky high once the bomb goes off."

"I'm evil but I'm not that evil." Lacus Clyne appeared out of nowhere. Behind her are the crew of the Ptolemy and the Eternal. Both ships have landed since they sustained numerous damages from the recent onslaught of mobile suits and can no longer perform well.

"Uh, Mistress, you are THAT evil." One of her subordinates reminded her and the pink-haired songstress responded by kicking him in the balls."

"You bastard." Lockon clenched both his fists.

"Fine then." Relena smiled and crossed her arms. "You said if we want to disarm that bomb then we have to go through you…I take it that's our only chance of saving this city?"

"What makes you think you can easily defeat my army? You're all outnumbered and outgunned baby!"

"Oh uh I'm sorry to interrupt but I just wanna make things clear here." Ribbons smiled. "I didn't come alone."

"What?"

"Badabing badadoom!" Relena pulled out an uzi and started spraying lead.

"Fudge!" Fukuda quickly ducked to avoid getting shot.

An explosion rocked the place as combined forces of Katharon, AEUG and a few members of Celestial Being came rolling in. Klaus Grado and his assistant or partner or sidekick, Ikeda, also arrived at the scene. "How come you youngsters didn't tell me about this?" The former AEU soldier disembarked from the jeep.

"Youngsters?" Char and Amuro exchanged looks.

"I'm like everyone's favorite big brother. A big brother that you can rely on when you're in a pinch." A big brother that everyone looks up to." He sobbed. "How could you? You all left me out in the cold while you bastards get to have all the fun. Is it because I prefer Macross 7 over Macross Frontier? Is it because that I always talk about that OVA episode where Mylene nearly got-

"I don't mean to interrupt your rant but…" Ikeda butted in

"Yes you do. You mean to interrupt me, in fact you have been interrupting me ever since you joined Katharon, Ikeda."

"You guys sure have interesting friends." Sekai smiled nervously.

"I don't remember being friends with the Rebel Alliance or also known as the good guy cannon fodders." Relena said sharply.

"It saddens me but I agree with psycho princess here. Gundam 00 season two totally raped the mass production units." Ikeda said. "Anyway, we need to focus on the nuke. Before we came barging in, I detected some unusual readings in the middle of the city."

"No doubt that's the nuke." Lockon said. "We could have detected it ourselves but we were pretty busy-

"Having fun!" Klaus screamed. "You all left me, you stupid poo poo heads." He sniffed.

"No, you dumbass. We were busy trying to survive, shit for brains."

"Look if we want to disarm that nuke then we better haul ass and start kicking ass." Relena cracked her knuckles.

"I agree." Lacus took out her brass knuckles. "The best strategy we could do right now is to break through their defenses and start killing and violating their carcasses."

"Yeah." Ikeda nodded. "But that didn't stop me from sending a specialist to the location of the nuke before we made our grand entrance here."

"A specialist?"

"Yup, a specia-freaking-list. He said he was good with nukes so I sent him in."

"Well you snake." Relena playfully punched him in the arm.

"Funny you mention something about snakes." He smiled.

**

* * *

CITY PARK**

Bernard Wiseman slowly sneaked past the guards while hiding inside a cardboard box. The nuclear device was sitting in the middle of the park and is surrounded by Fukuda's thugs. Bernie quickly hid behind the bushes when one of the guards walked past him and headed straight to a corner, probably to relieve himself. Bernie smirked when the guard stopped at the fountain for a drink. Unknown to him, the Zeon soldier left a little surprise there. "Huh?" He noticed something on the ground and casually picked it up. It was a small rectangular shaped metallic case. "Front toward enemy?" He read the words embossed on the front aloud. "Oh! It's just a claymore mine." He smiled. "Silly me."

KA-BOOOOOOM!!!

"What the hell was that? Is somebody attacking us?" The others guards went to the direction of the explosion.

Taking advantage of the distraction, Bernie revealed himself and pulled out two silenced pistols. He then proceeded to waste the guards, spinning around and wielding the hand guns like an expert gun fu practitioner. "Eat this!" One managed to flank his position and he quickly took out his combat knife. He rolled on the ground to avoid gunfire and quickly grabbed the guy by the neck and flipped him over. He then buried his knife in the guy's chest and quickly turned around to fire his pistol, taking another would-be flanker down. Another guard tried to blow his head off with his shotgun but Bernie gave the guy a few jabs to the face, stunning him. He then went around him and broke his neck. He dusted himself and looked around to see if there are any more enemies. Seeing everything is now clear, he approached the bomb and kneeled down and contacted Ikeda by codec. "Colonel, this is Bernie. I found the bomb."

_"Colonel? I'm not a colonel, dipshit." _Ikeda replied and Bernie could hear Klaus throwing a tantrum in the background. _"Anyway, can you disarm it or at least buy us sometime until we get there?" _

"I'll do what I can, Colonel." He saluted.

_"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" _

"Roger, Colonel."

**

* * *

BACK TO OUR HEROES**

"Okay, it looks like everything is going according to plan…I think." Ikeda said.

"Setsuna, did you hear that?" Saji was overjoyed.

"Yeah." He nodded. "Now we can finally end this distortion once and for all."

"Let's go, everyone." The 00 Raiser started glowing red.

"Not good. This is not good." Fukuda gulped.

"Oh sweetness." Relena took out her bloody machete and spat. Everyone prepared themselves as Fukuda and his men slowly back away. "I think this is the part where we kill your ass." She let out an evil chuckle and licked her blade. "ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!"

**

* * *

STORY NOTES**

Uh…

Well…

This won't be much a rant, I'll just give out the details in the last chapter of the story. I'll be posting it next week since I'm nearly done. Man, I think my English is getting worse here. So feel free to mock me while you read this mess of a story. It's been a busy month. Work is pretty much kicking my ass and Fallout 3 is eating up all my time. Also, I'll be taking a break from HFTM after finishing this and I plan to do another fanfiction. It's still Gundam 00 but it's something I never did before. I dunno how is that gonna work out but I'll just do my best. I'll be giving out the details soon. Anyhow, once again reviews and criticisms are much appreciated. Oh and one other thing, to a certain Nena fan, she'll be appearing in the final chapter so don't worry. Well that's it. Laters y'all and have a good day.

Now I must get some sleep…


	14. Final Chapter

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM…AND SCHOOL DAYS

Warning: Offensive and disturbing humor

**FINAL CHAPTER**

"**IF YOU'RE GONNA DO A FINAL BATTLE THEN IT HAS TO BE LOADED WITH PSYCHOTIC CHICKS, CHARACTERS FROM A FUDGED-UP EROGE, EGOTISTICAL NEWTYPES, AN INDECISIVE WUSS, CHAR CLONES, LOLI CLONES, TIERIA NEKO-MIMI MODE, A GUY WHO IS OBSESSED WITH GUNDAM, ZERO FROM CODE GEASS PLUS PIZZA HUT, INCESTUOUS MORONS, A MILF, DAVID HAYTER, A FRENCH DUDE, A MACROSS 7 FREAK AND A SHITLOAD OF CANNON FODDERS. IF YOU HAVE ALL OF THAT THEN YOU'RE CONSIDERED MANLY!"**

**HENTAI GAME WORLD**

"Attaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!" Relena Peacecraft shouted at the top of her lungs as everyone charged towards Fukuda's army.

"Oh fudge me!" The creator of Gundam SEED gulped and quickly abandoned his post. "Fudge me sideways."

"Stellar!" Relena kicked one of Fukuda's men in the back and sent the poor bastard flying. "Put on some battle music so I can get my juices flowing." She ordered and reloaded her Uzi.

"Roger!" The blonde female Extended saluted and took out a music player. She then popped in a CD and pressed the play button.

**PLAY ****"GONG" BY JAM PROJECT! **

"Fudge yeah! It's Jam motherfudging Project, motherfudgers!!!" Relena's eyes sparkled with joy and excitement after hearing the song. "Bring it on, you bastards!" She was definitely pumped for action now.

Amuro Ray started shedding manly tears. "This is probably the manliest moment of my life."

"Indeed." Char Aznable nodded in agreement. "The manliest moment of my life was when I asked one of my Puru clones to touch my-

"Char, don't you dare finish that sentence, you bastard. We're already in the last chapter and I don't want you fudging things up, you moron."

"But…"

"Shut-up."

"Amuro, I'm just telling the readers about my-

"I don't care. Just shut the hell up, you freak."

"I…uh…"

"Shut-up, shut-up, shut-up!"

"Amuro, you big jerk!!!" Char ran away crying.

"My God…" Ikeda was horrified after seeing their little exchange.

"Okay. I'm done crying now." Char came back.

"Whoa. That was fast."

"I forgive you, Amuro." He spread his arms, asking the Federation ace for a hug.

"**BLEEP **you." Amuro gave him the finger.

"Oh c'mon, you big baby. There's nothing to be embarrassed about."

"Okay Char, lemme quote Zechs Marquise here for a bit but I'll replace the word _machine gun _with _hugs_ and the word _him _with _you_."

"Oooookay…"

"No hugs for you!" Amuro screamed.

"Alright, you two boneheads." Lacus Clyne suddenly appeared before them and the two men cowered in fear. "What the fudge is going here?"

"I-I-I-It's Lacus Clyne!?"

"You two ladies done dicking around?" She asked and cracked her knuckles.

"Y-Y-Yes ma'am!" They both responded.

"Good." She then pointed at Fukuda's army. "How about contributing a little something for the team? I mean we all came here to help but you two mooks are just busy flirting with each other."

"W-W-We're very, very, very sorry, ma'am!" They started crying like babies. "Please don't kill us!"

"Char Aznable, son of Zeon Zum Deikun, I need you to break through their defenses." The pink-haired songstress gave him an order. "I need you to do it now!"

"At once, ma'am." Char took out a whistle and blew it.

"Puru, puru, puru!" Hundreds of Puru clones appeared behind him and all of the girls are wearing pink hardhats. Why are they wearing pink hardhats, you ask? I dunno but they're cute little lolis so it's alright.

"LOLI OVERDRIVE!!!" Char screamed and the Puru army marched forward, trampling some of Fukuda's soldiers. A few of the girls hijacked the enemy's tanks and used their vehicles against them.

"Puru, puru, puru, puru, puru." The girls chanted in unison as they lay waste to the enemy. They don't sound cute anymore but more fierce and militaristic. The Puru army finally cleared a path for the AEUG and Katharon forces, providing some much needed breathing space. Fukuda's men are now slowly being backed into a corner.

"Sweet jumping monkeys." Klaus Grado gasped. "They actually broke through the enemy's defenses!"

"Onward!" Lockon Stratos and the others continued moving forward, the School Days gang following behind them.

"This is…unbelievable!" Kotonoha Katsura was amazed.

"Oh it's on now." Shinn Asuka said and punched a soldier in the face, breaking his nose. "Bring it on!"

"Now this is going to be a good fight." George de Sand drew out his sword.

"I just realized lolis are awesome." Klaus told Ikeda.

"You make me sick."

"Ikeda, enemy forces are converging in the north, near the shopping plaza." A young Katharon soldier reported to the bespectacled man.

"Damn it!"

"Hey kiddo, why are you reporting to him?" Klaus became furious. "I'm the leader here, buddy. Ikeda is just my lovable sidekick. You don't report to him, you report to me. Just because we're a duo doesn't mean he gets to call the shots here. I mean you just pop out of nowhere and not even acknowledge my presence. Now that is just rude, boy. I'm your fearless leader and that means you only report to me, kiddo. You understand?"

"Okay junior, repeat what you said and this time, you tell it to me." Klaus crossed his arms. "I'm your leader so you better show some respect."

"Eh!?"

"C'mon, I'm waiting here." Klaus started tapping his foot impatiently. "I don't have all day, young man, so you better start cracking."

"Uh…"

"Oh and call me Emperor Klaus." The former AEU soldier pounded his chest proudly. "Now do what you're told, boy, and do it right. Don't forget to call me Emperor."

"S-Sir?" The kid turned to Ikeda with a pleading and desperate look on his face.

"Just do it so we can move on."

"Yes sir." The young soldier swallowed his pride and took a deep breath. "Emperor Klaus…"

"Yeah baby, that's me. Emperor motherfudging Klaus. The top dawg and the slickest and meanest-

"Klaus!"

"Right, right…" He waved his hand. "Please continue, my good man."

"Enemy forces are converging in the north, near the shopping plaza." He repeated and this time he said it to Klaus.

"Cool…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Uh…"

"Well…"

"I…uh…"

"Emperor Klaus, what should we do? Should I call Dan's team and…well…"

"Uh…"

"Well Emperor, since you're the top dawg, maybe you can share some words of wisdom so we can survive this mess and get the hell out of here."

"That's your job, Ikeda. Do something about this."

"Say what?"

"Oh God…" The young soldier shook his head. "What the fudge is wrong with you, Klaus!?"

"What? Why y'all looking at me like that for? I'm the motherfudging Emperor so I order you bitches to-

WHACK!

Lacus knocked him out cold by kicking him in the back of the head. "Useless prick." She spat. "Okay kiddies, I got the situation covered so stop shitting your pants like pansies." She then took out her radio and contacted someone. "It's me. We got trouble. Enemies re-grouping at the shopping plaza so do something about it. Oh and make it messy. I like it messy."

"Uh…"

"Just watch, kiddies. Watch and be amazed." Lacus snickered, sending chills down Ikeda's spine.

Up in the sky, an old Zeon Gaw suddenly appeared and it's piloted by none other than Nena Trinity. Garma Zabi, the youngest and probably the most naïve of the Zabi siblings, is tied on the front part of the attack plane and is naked for some reason. A bullseye is painted across the young man's chest and his face is full of doodles, there is no doubt that this is Nena's work. He tried his best to struggle free but to no avail. Several kinds of explosives are also inside the Gaw and the psychotic young girl activated them all and went back to the pilot seat. "Nena Trinity here."

_"Do it now!" _Lacus screamed over the radio. _"I wanna see some fireworks!!!" _

"Hai, hai…" Nena changed course and quickly put on a parachute. She then jumped out of the plane before it crashed down to the shopping plaza, taking out the bad guys and poor Garma.

"Garma!?" A mortified Ikeda gasped. "That girl killed Garma Zabi!"

"You didn't see anything." Lacus smiled and put her arm around his shoulder.

"B-B-B-B-B-B-But…!"

"You. Didn't. See. Anything." An evil aura began to emanate from the pink princess. "Comprende?"

"Hai…" Ikeda nodded, he was on the verge of tears. "Garma, you poor bastard…" The image of the purple-haired Zeon commander appeared in the sky. He was smiling and his eyes sparkling with joy, the young man has probably moved on to the afterlife and found peace but the possibility is unlikely since this is Happy Fun Times Meisters after all. Everybody, with the exception of Shinn's little sister, has the Jean Grey syndrome so I'm pretty sure we're gonna see Garma's gullible mug again.

"Nena Trinity reporting for duty!" She saluted after landing on the ground.

"Uh…who's that?" Sekai Saionji pointed at Nena.

"Uh…well…" Lockon scratched his head. "Her name is Nena Trinity and it's best to avoid her at all cost. She kinda comes with a heath warning, if you know what I mean."

"Why is she here? Oh God in heaven above us! Why is she here!? What is that girl here!?" Shinn hid behind Relena. "Remember the time when she put a dead cat inside my locker? Man, I still have nightmares about that. I could hear her laughing in my dreams. Oh sweet merciful heavens! I could fricking hear her laughing in my dreams for fudge's sakes!" Shinn trembled and started mumbling like crazy. "Oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man! She's gonna do something crazy! I know she's gonna do something really crazy! Then…and then we're gonna…oh…she's gonna do something crazy. I swear to God, she's gonna do something crazy."

"Uh…she already did something crazy. Hello? Plane crash? Garma Zabi dying?" Lockon reminded him.

"Get a hold of yourself, you pussy!" Relena slapped the Coordinator in the face.

"Thank you. I guess I needed that. I'm sorry but if she-

"Quit shaking in yer boots, you worthless piece of crap!" Relena continued slapping him even though he had finally calmed down. "Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!!!" She cackled. "Bitch slap time, bitch!!!"

"Uh…you guys sure about this?" Sekai was confused. "She looks harmless to me." She glanced at Nena again and the red-haired girl was cheerfully hopping around with reckless abandon. She giggled and her innocent face shined brightly. "I think you guys are just being mean." Sekai crossed her arms.

"Saionji-san…" Kotonoha lowered her head.

"Plane crash? Hellooooo?" Lockon kept reminding.

"W-We surrender!" Suddenly, several of Fukuda's men approached them. They have lowered their weapons and abandoned their posts for the Puru clone army was too much for them. Their numbers scattered and their formation torn apart by the loli onslaught. One of the surrendering troops is waving a white flag.

"Nena…" The red-haired girl tackled the flag waver and shoved the bottom end of the flag pole up the guy's ass. "…Trinity!!!" She then made a V-sign while jumping up and down. "Nena wins!" She squealed.

"She's fricking evil!!! That girl is the personification of evil!!!" Shinn screamed.

"Aye." Lockon nodded sadly. "She is indeed."

"Now, that's a Kodak moment." Char took a picture.

"No Monsieur Char…" George shook his head. "That was not a Kodak moment. That was the moment where I have finally lost all hope for humanity."

"You always lose hope for humanity, Frenchie."

"Shit! Enemy attack!" An AEUG member pointed at an incoming tank. "We're doomed!"

"Hellooooooo? We got mobile suits? Last time I check a tank is no match for a big walking robot." Once again, Lockon tried to be the voice of logic but alas, the world is full of idiots. One of Katharon's Enact units exploded behind him after getting hit in the cockpit. "Aw you guys suck."

"Nena! Lacus! Get into position!" Relena ordered.

"I see…" Lacus flashed an evil smile. "We're gonna do that."

"We're gonna do that? Yippeee!!!" Nena cried out in joy.

"Yes." Relena nodded. "We're gonna do that."

"Indeed. If we do that then this tank is done for."

"It's a fricking tank! Why are we making a big deal out of this? It's not even a Type 61 for fudge's sakes! It's a regular motherloving truck!" Lockon screamed while frantically waving his hands. Unfortunately for him, his cries fell upon deaf ears.

"They're gonna do what now?" Char asked.

"That." Stellar replied, her face is serious and burning with intensity.

"Wha-huh? W-W-What exactly is that?"

"C'mon girls! Let's do this thing!" Relena shook her fist.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY GONNA DO!?" Char was getting frustrated.

Both Nena and Lacus are now armed with bazookas while Relena took out her machete. The trio formed a single line with Relena being the last one in position. The tank stopped and slowly aimed it's turret at the girls. "Here we go." Relena licked her lips. "JET STREAM ATTACK!!!" Moving in at high speed, Lacus and Nena fired their weapons, delivering heavy damage to the tank, while Relena quickly jumped on top of the vehicle and used her superhuman strength to open the hatch with ease. Why does Relena have superhuman strength, you ask? Because it's cooler that way. I mean this is Happy Fun Times Meisters for fudge's sakes. Logic don't mean shit here…unfortunately.

Relena then jumped inside and the tank started shaking violently as she began slaughtering the crew. "Oh God! She's got a machete! She's got a freaking machete!!! Oh no! Aaaaaaaiiiieeeeee!!! My hand! My fricking hand! No! No! Please! I need that!" Lockon and others looked at each other with horrified expressions as the screams of the dying soldiers filled the air.

"Blood! There's so much blood! This…this is horrible…so horrible…"

"No! Please spare my life! I got a family!!! Aaaaaaiiiiiieeeeeee!!!"

"My kidneys!!! Oh God!!! Eyaaaaaargh!!!"

"Our father, who art in heaven…"

"No, no, no, wait! Don't do this! We surrender! We fudging surrender! Stop doing this, you heartless monster!!! Aaaaaargh!!!"

"…thy kingdom come. Thy will be done…."

"Aaaaaah! Aaaaaah! Oh God! No, no, no, no!!!"

"W-W-Wait!? She has a copy of G-Savior!!! Run! Run for your lives!!!"

"My eyes!!! It burns!!! Oh God it burns!!!"

"…deliver us from evil!!!"

"Oh God! An HG Slaughter Dagger model kit!? There's no panels and…and…the forearms look gigantic! No! Wait! This is torture! Stop building that kit! I'm begging you!"

"Stop drinking my apple juice. I'm saving that for lunch! Nooooooo!!!"

"Nooo!!! My Mikuru Asahina Fighting Waitress version! She's destroying my Figma!!!"

"Dude, is that a Billy Herrington Figma!?"

"What? No! It's…uh…well…"

"Whoa! Relena, stop the killing for a moment. It looks like little Joey here has an aniki obsession."

"Don't you dare judge me, you asshole! Don't you dare judge me!"

"**BLEEP **you! Relena, kill this idiot. He's dead to me now! I can't believe this shit. You actually bought a Billy Herrington Figma!? And to think I trusted you."

"Aniki!!!"

Screaming and sobbing, Shinn buried his face in Char's chest. "I can't take it anymore! I can't take it anymore! Make it stop! Oh please make it stop!!!"

"Be strong, Shinn! Be strong!" Char was also crying. "Be strong, you little bastard."

"What the hell…" George was very much shocked…and horrified. So horrified by the sheer stupidity, the Gundam Fighter just when down on his knees and repeatedly bang his head on the ground.

"Who's Billy Herrington?" Stellar asked.

"Stellar…" Lockon patted her head. "Innocence is a beautiful thing, my dear."

Ikeda's radio started beeping and he quickly answered it. "Bernie?"

_"Colonel, I did it! I managed to deactivate the nuke." _

"That's great! Excellent work, Bernie. Oh and don't call me Colonel, you delusional twit."

_"Remember this, Colonel. One day, soldiers like me will-_

"Oh you silly nutter." Ikeda tossed the radio away. "Everyone! That Zeon guy managed to deactivate the nuclear device! The city is saved!"

"Really?"

"It looks like that specialist of yours actually did a good job." Relena climbed out of the tank, completely covered in blood.

"Good lord…" George was very much disgusted.

"What?" She glared at the Frenchman.

"N-Nothing!" He took a step back.

"Then that means victory is ours!" Lockon cheered and everyone cheered along with him.

"Thank goodness." Youko Saionji made a sigh of relief.

"Everyone…thank you very much!" Kotonoha tearfully gave her thanks.

"Aw shucks…think nothing of it, little lady." A blushing Klaus said.

"Great. The idiot is awake." Ikeda grumbled.

"That's Emperor Idiot to you." He said proudly.

"…"

"Where's Saji?" Sekai asked.

"Oh no! I had forgotten about him!" Kotonoh gasped.

"You need not worry, Katsura-chan." Youko smiled.

"Yeah." Lockon nodded in agreement. "Don't worry. He's just finishing things up."

"Hey, I don't see Ribbons and Kira either." Zero said after disembarking from his Knightmare Frame.

"Don't tell me..."

**

* * *

OUTSIDE THE CITY**

While the others were busy celebrating, Fukuda managed to slip past them and has now escaped the city via helicopter. "Damn it! Damn those meddling kids. Damn them! Damn them! Damn them all to hell! My plan has failed! The Society won't be happy and heads are gonna roll for this."

"Speaking of the Society, sir." The pilot handed him a small laptop. "Miss Ashkka wants you to call her."

"Oh no…" Fukuda trembled and couldn't bring himself to touch the laptop.

"Sir?"

"I know!" He grabbed the portable computer and turned it on. "Oh this is gonna be bad."

"Fuku-chan!" A woman with short, blonde hair appeared on the screen. She's wearing glasses and a pink summer dress. "Good to see you again, Fuku-chan!" She greeted him cheerfully. Her voice is high-pitched and somewhat annoying but that's the least of Fukada's problems.

"M-Miss Ashkka…"

"Oh this is bad, Fuku-chan. It looks like your plan has failed." She giggled. "It had potential but it all fell apart in the end. Just like Gundam SEED Destiny!" She laughed.

"Please let me explain!"

"Oh you don't need to explain anything, my dear."

"Huh? Really?"

"Of course! It's because we don't need you anymore! There's nothing to explain. Like I said, your plan had great potential and that's why the Society kept retconning your ass every time you got whacked by those kids. But the head honchos have grown tired of your pathetic little farce and decided to pull the plug. I really can't blame them…"

"Miss Ashkka! Please give me another chance here! I'm begging you!"

"I'm sorry, Fuku-chan, but orders are orders. Effective immediately, the Society has now relieved you of your position. Goodbye." She waved both of her hands and giggled.

"Noooooooo!!!"

Ashkka's expression suddenly became serious. "Now burn in hell, you fat **BLEEP**." She hissed and cut off the transmission."

"Fuku-chan…err…I mean Fukuda-sama! We got trouble, sir." The pilot said.

"What?"

**PLAY ****"FLYAWAY" BY BACK-ON**

The 00 Raiser, Strike Freedom and the Reborns Gundam appeared. "FUKUDAAAAAAAA!!!" Saji screamed.

"Do something about those guys!" Fukuda ordered the remaining Windams. "I can't die here!!!"

"Saji, you get Fukuda! I'll take care of these guys." Kira said as the Strike Freedom's eyes shined brightly. The Gundam then went into full burst mode and took out ALL of the intercepting enemy mobile suits.

Ribbons then went into Reborns Cannon mode and took out a Destroy Gundam by firing all four chest cannons. "Yeah! Who's your daddy? I am so gonna waste you guys."

"Ribbons Almark!!!" Regene Regetta appeared on one of the monitor screens. "Didn't I tell you to clean the kitchen today?"

"Oh put a sock in it, Regene! I'm saving the world!"

"Why you little…you get back here, Ribbons, before I-

"Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!" The green-haired Innovade mocked.

"Meow." Nibbles meowed and yes, the furry little bastard is still wearing an eye patch and smoking a cigar like Nick freaking Fury.

"Yeah! You tell him, Nibbles."

"Ribbons Almark!!!" Regene screamed in frustration.

An N Dagger N managed to move behind the 00 Raiser and raised both of its swords. "Behind us!" Saji warned.

"I'll be your opponent!" A custom Flag with a black color scheme intercepted the Dagger before it could deliver the attack. It was Mister Bushido and he's back to being Graham Aker again. He took out his plasma blade and disarmed the mobile suit with ease. "You think I'm gonna down that easily? Well think again!" He rammed his blade through the Dagger's cockpit.

"Captain!" Both Howard Mason and Daryl Dodge followed behind him.

"Flag Fighters! Chaaaaaaarge!!!" The blonde ace pilot screamed and the remaining Dagger units were then overwhelmed by a dozen Flag units.

"Oh well…I guess being in formation ain't so bad after all." Joshua Edwards was also there and for some reason he managed to survive and is piloting a new Flag mobile suit.

"Not good! Not good!" Fukuda covered his face and started cowering.

"Setsuna, let's do it!" Saji activated the Raiser system.

The 00 Raiser then unleashed its massive beam saber, taking out five Destroy Gundams at the same time. "I spotted him!" Setsuna informed Saji after locking on to Fukuda's chopper.

"We're fudged!!!" The pilot gulped tried to gain some speed but it was too late.

"No! Not like this! Not like this! Not like this!"

Setsuna then swung the gigantic beam saber at the chopper. "Any last words, sir?" The pilot asked.

"R-R-Rosebud?"

"Oh **BLEEP **you!" The pilot shook his head and the chopper was then completely disintegrated by the beam saber. And with that, the fight has come to end.

After witnessing the demise of their leader, the remaining enemy forces then fired a white flare, signalling their surrender. It was over. It was finally over. A long silence followed afterwards but it was broken later by the loud cheers of our heroes. Though most of the inhabitants weren't aware of the chain of events that had happened in their beloved city, their safety was secured by a handful of eccentric characters from a long-running mecha franchise. Maybe it was best for the people to be kept in the dark. Such things can only cause unnecessary complications and problems. Maybe it was indeed for the best. Saji sighed as he watched the sunset. The ordeal was over and it was time for them to go home.

**

* * *

RADISH FAMILY RESTAURANT**

"Uh…" Saji gulped and looked at the others. Only him, Setsuna, Lockon, Char, Amuro, Shinn, Louise, Kinue, Mama Halevy, Relena and George remained. The others have left without word after doing their part but for these people, a few parting words is necessary to ensure some semblance of closure. "I…uh…well…I have no idea what to say." The young man smiled nervously. "Katsura-san, I…"

"Then don't say anything." She smiled.

"But I have to say something."

"Well let me say something then."

"Katsura-san…"

"Everyone…" She then bowed her head. "I'm very sorry for the trouble I've caused you and thank you…for everything."

"That's alright." Louise hugged her.

"B-But I kidnapped you! You, your mother and that strange woman."

"Strange woman!?" A bulging vein appeared on Kinue's head. "Why am I the strange one? I mean look at Mama Halevy. I'm sure she's a lot stranger than me."

"Saji, please close your eyes." Kotonoha said.

"Huh? Why?"

"Just do it."

"Uh…okay." He nodded and closed his eyes.

"Thank you." She said softly and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeh!!?" Everyone was shocked and surprised.

"K-K-K-K-Katsura-san!?" Saji blushed and touched the cheek Kotonoha kissed.

"Oi, oi, Saji….stop expanding your harem, you little shmuck." Lockon teased.

"I'll let this slide…just this once." Louise started fuming with anger, both of her fists are shaking uncontrollably. "Just this…once."

"I'm sorry, Louise-chan." Kotonoha stuck her tongue out.

"Saji-kun, how could you?" Kinue was crying along with Mama Halevy. "That's it! Once we get home, I am so gonna-

"Well before I open the portal, I got some bad news to share." Youko interrupted.

"Hey!!!"

"What kind of bad news, mom?" Sekai, her daughter, asked.

"Now that the magical orbs are gone, once you people go back to your world, you'll forget everything about us and this world. The same goes for us."

"What!?"

"W-W-What do you mean?"

"I'm sorry, Saji, but these are the rules. There are consequences when you're tampering with the multiverse."

"So much for our burning manly passion kicking logic's ass." Shinn mumbled.

"Silence!" Amuro bonked him in the head.

"So that's it then? Once we go through the portal, we're gonna forget everything about you guys." Saji couldn't believe it or more specifically, he doesn't want to accept it. "We're gonna forget about everything Katsura-san. I can't believe this is happening."

"Mom, can't something be done about this?"

"I'm sorry, Sekai…"

"That's too…bad." Setsuna Kiyoura said sadly.

"Gee….that's a bummer." Taisuke chuckled nervously.

"And here I was hoping to invite you guys over to our family's café sometime." Hikari Kuroda lamented.

"Oh yeah! That's a shame. Their café serve the best lemon custard pie in the city." Sekai said.

"Pie…" Setsuna's stomach rumbled.

"So the others? The ones who had left already…I take it they already forgotten everything by now." Relena said.

"Most likely." Youko confirmed.

"Damn it…"

"Well isn't this beautiful?" Amuro frowned.

"You mean I'm gonna forget everything about Kokoro-chan?" Char asked. "Oh what kind of cruel fate is this? Is there a way to prevent this from happening?"

"You never cease to amaze me, you lolicon bastard." Relena sneered.

"Well it may be bittersweet but it's still a good ending." Lockon tried to be positive. "Still it's a darn shame this has to happen."

"I agree, Lockon-san." Youko took out her magical wand. "Well I guess this is it."

"Everyone…" Kotonoha tried to fight her tears back but she couldn't help but shed them. "To forget such wonderful people…I'll try to fight this! I just can't forget you all…I can't forget Saji and the things he did…"

"Kotonoha…" Sekai placed her hand on her shoulder.

"This is…" Saji lowered his head.

"Saji, I…I…" Louise took his hand and squeezed it hard.

Youko waved her wand and a large portal appeared. "Saji…I…uh…Saji!!!" Kotonoha ran towards him and hugged him tightly, sobbing loudly. "I'm not gonna forget you! I'm not gonna forget you!"

"Katsura-san…I wish…I…this is…"

"Saji." Setsuna called out to him. "I know this is hard to take but we have no choice. It's true that we're gonna forget them but that will not change things. It won't change the fact that we did something good here."

"Setsuna…"

"I just realized you and him share the same name." Sekai pointed at her best friend, Setsuna Kiyoura.

"And not to mention they're both stoic." Otome Katou added.

"Setsuna is right, Saji." Lockon said.

"I know…" He nodded.

Kotonoha pulled away from him. "Be careful out there." She sniffed. "I'll be rooting for you two. I hope you and Louise-chan will have a good relationship."

"Of course." Saji blushed again.

"You can count on that." Louise smiled.

"Lockon-san…" Kotonoha approached him. "I…I…"

"Whoa…there's no need for this." Lockon chuckled and patted her head.

"Lockon-san…"

"If you're gonna apologize because you made me pay some protection money then don't. I wouldn't have helped Saji here if I was still pissed about that. Forgiven and forgotten, missy."

"Indeed Mademoiselle." George said. "Lockon here has been with us from the start and I assure you, he harbors no ill will towards the past."

"But…I…"

"It's just the way I am, kiddo. Well except for Ali-Al Saachez, that guy I can't forgive."

"Well let's head home now." Kinue approached the portal. "I'm sure everyone is getting worried."

"Saji…" Kotonoha grabbed his hand.

"Goodbye, Katsura-san. Live well." Saji smiled.

"I will…"

"And goodbye to everyone too." He bowed his head and with that, everyone passed through the portal.

Youko closed it and a few minutes later, they completely forgotten about Saji and the others. They just stood there while looking at each other with confused expressions, wondering what just happened. Kotonoha looked up in the sky and felt a nagging feeling at the back of her head, like something was missing. She was sad but doesn't know why. It was an overwhelming feeling she managed to get a hold of herself. Gathering her courage and wits, she turned around to face her friends. They just looked at her and notice the tears in her eyes. She then smiled and took a step forward. Time then passes by, everyone's lives returned to normal. Just like what Setsuna said. They may have forgotten about them but it never changed the fact that they did something to change their lives. They gave them a new beginning and a tomorrow.

**

* * *

EPILOGUE**

**CROSSROAD RESIDENCE**

**SAJI'S ROOM**

**6:25 A.M. **

Saji opened his eyes after hearing the alarm clock. Yawning, the young man sat up and stretched his arms. "Man, I hate Mondays." He grumbled and got up off bed. "Oh right…I'm gonna do a report for Gato-sensei's class today. That's gonna suck." He scratched his butt. "If there is something I hate more than Mondays then it has to be Physics."

"Morning Saji." Flay Allster came out of his closet. "It's a good day today."

"I beg to differ and can't you use the guest room? It's pretty cramped in there and-

"Oh you know I can't do that." She snuggled him. "I want to be near you, my love."

"SAJI CROSSROAD!!!" Louise was standing in the doorway. "To think you would get lovey-dovey with Flay this early in the morning, you bastard."

"Hey." Setsuna appeared behind the blonde Spaniard and the young Krugis is munching on a bagel.

"Oh man…I think I drank too much last night." Kinue crawled out from under the bed. Her hair is all messy and she is only wearing her underwear. "Ugh. I wonder how Newtypes feel when they're having a bitching hangover. I bet it's twice the head-drilling pressure sensation." She chuckled. "I feel like puking my guts out."

"O-O-Onee-san!?"

"Oh hiya Saji." She collapsed on the floor and took off her bra.

"Yikes." He quickly turned away. "What the hell is going on here? What are you doing under my bed?"

"You see…last night after work, I went drinking with a couple of friends and I told them I have a thing for my brother. I pretty much spilled the whole thing after a few glasses of beer."

"You did what!?"

"So they told me to drink a lot so I can have the courage to confess my feelings to you."

"Right. Even if you're not drunk, you still confess your feelings to him, you freak." Louise said. "Everyday."

"Then I went home, sneaked into your room and did a lot of wonderful things to you while you were asleep." She giggled and blushed.

"What kind of wonderful things?" Saji gulped.

"Things only adults can do!" She cried out in joy.

"Saji, you big jerk!!!" Louise punched him hard in the face and sent him flying outside through the bedroom window. "Your own sister! Your own sister!"

"Just kidding!" Kinue laughed. "Sure I went inside his room but I was too drunk to do anything so I just crawled under his bed and slept."

"…"

"I have a feeling today will be another great day." Setsuna finished his bagel.

"Aaaaaaargh!!!" Louise stomped her feet.

"Huh?" Setsuna noticed something on Saji's desk. "What is this?" He picked the item up.

"What's that, Setsuna?" Flay asked.

"I think it's a game." He replied while reading the contents of the CD case's back cover.

"Lemme see!" Louise grabbed it away from his hands and read the title aloud. "School Days? I think this is an adult game. Saji, you big pervert. I can't believe you'd buy a game like this." She then looked at the front cover and felt some sort of nagging familiarity. "Weird…"

"What's weird?"

"For some reason, these characters on the cover look vaguely familiar."

"Eeeeeeeeh? I didn't know Louise-chan likes to play those kinds of games." Kinue teased. "Louise is an ecchi girl who likes to play dirty games."

"Oh drop dead, you flat-chested granny."

"Oh don't get cocky just because you have these!" Kinue grabbed Louise's boobs and started squeezing them. "You bovine princess!"

"Get away from me!"

"They look familiar to me too." Setsuna said. "Maybe that's the reason why I noticed it."

"Huh? Really?" Kinue grabbed the CD case and looked at the cover. "Holy monkeys! You're right! They do look familiar! What the heck is going on here? This is getting creepy. I feel like I know them or something but I can't quite put my finger on it."

"Weird…" Louise crossed her arms.

"Hey guys! We're gonna be late for school!" Flay reminded them. "We'll worry about that game later."

"Oh yeah. Well I'm gonna go scrape Saji's sorry carcass off the streets. Breakfast is ready so hurry up."

"Louise…"

"Yeah Setsuna?"

"Bagel."

"Yes, you can have another bagel."

"Gundam."

"Huh…?"

"Bagel is…Gundam."

"Shut-up." She put the game's CD case back on the desk. On the cover, Kotonoha Katsura and her friends are smiling as they make their way to school.

**THE END**

**

* * *

STORY NOTES**

Arrrrgh…

I think this is a crappy ending because I kinda rushed it. Originally, the story should have ended back in Chapter 12 and that's the reason why there's not much action and humor here. This was supposed to be the epilogue chapter but I decided to merge it with the additional stuff I put in. I think the grammar here is awful, I'm really having trouble with my English lately. Feel free to point out the mistakes. Also and another thing, most of the characters that appeared during the final battle had little screen time because I wanna focus more on Saji and the core group. Think of them like cameos from the holiday specials and one-shots. Not to mention juggling all of these characters is kinda hard and it'll make the story more crappy than it already is.

Anyhoo, here is the reference guide:

Jam Project is a music group that focuses on anime and games. Their song "Gong" was used as the opening theme for the Super Robot Wars Alpha 3 game.

The Gaw was an attack plane used by the Principality of Zeon during the One Year War. Garma Zabi died by attempting to do a kamikaze attack on the White Base with a Gaw. Unfortunately for him, he was unsuccessful and his plane was shot down just short of impact.

The Type 61 tank was the Federation's mainstay unit before the introduction of the GM mobile suits during the One Year War.

The Jet Stream Attack was the special trademark attack of the Black Tri-Stars, a trio of Zeon aces from the original Mobile Suit Gundam. Our favorite hack, Mitsuo Fukuda featured the same attack in Gundam SEED Destiny, as some sort of homage to the original series. He even used the designs of the original DOM mobile suits.

G-Saviour is the first and probably the last live-action Gundam movie. It wasn't well-received by fans. A successful video game sequel was made to promote the movie's broadcast in Japan.

Mikuru Asahina is a character from the light novel and anime series, Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya.

Figma is a toy line from Max Company and are known for their details and high articulation.

Billy Herrington is a gay porn actor. He has become an internet meme among Japan's online community after a clip from one of his videos was posted on Nico Nico Douga. He is affectionately called "Aniki" among his Japanese fans. And just like Mikuru-chan, Billy has his own Figma figure.

Back-On is a Japanese rock band famous for doing music for several popular anime shows.

Well that's pretty much it for Happy Fun Times Meisters. This was my first attempt on writing comedy and parody and I'm happy some people actually liked it. I'm very thankful for them. There will be an ongoing sequel but I need to focus more on my other works first, especially the Castlevania one. I need to do an update on that one soon. Once again, reviews and criticisms will be very much appreciated. Oh and expect a HFTM Halloween special later this month. Adios!


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